Actually his real name is Agni, but we have called him Ham for years - he's a big pig (weighs 20 pounds). Somehow 'Ham' seemed a better fit :-) Ham is pretty young for this - he's 11 (diagnosed a year ago). He is a senior cat now, but kidney failure more commonly hits around 14-15. He's only got one properly formed kidney though - two dying kidneys can carry a cat a lot further than one can, so that's probably a large part of it. I'm glad Minnie had adapted to the new addition! It's pretty common for older cats to perk up when you bring a young kitten into the house - once they get over the hissing fits, they discover that kittens are great fun to play with :-). I hope the new kitty does well for her spay. Once Ham is gone I'll be looking for a couple of kittens to adopt, but I don't want to do it now - I think it'd be too hard on him since he needs a lot of sleep, and he is really sooky these days. I have to give him so much attention! My other kitty is going out of his mind with boredom in the meantime though! He's used to having several cats around (we used to have 4), and now he has no one to play with - he actually likes other cats and he especially likes kittens, so it'll be good for him to get new playmates :-) BP

Thank you all for your suggestions and advice. I really appreciate it. I'll try to address some of your questions. It would have been great if we could have started fresh with a new house, but with our situation it just wasn't possible. And I LOVE the rest of his big family. They are very kind and sweet to me, so I try to focus on them. I keep trying to remember that it's only been three years since her death and we have only been married for a year. Everything takes time. I have put a picture of the boys with their mom and dad in the room where they stay when they visit. I've offered them nostalgic items (son's baby cup, pictures, etc.) but they won't take them. My husband has been somewhat helpful with cleaning/getting rid of things, but the mess doesn't bother him as much as it does me. As for the talk with the DIL, I wouldn't go out on the porch with her. I told her she could talk to me in the living room with my husband. We live on a very busy street in a small town. I don't want everyone seeing me on the porch having a discussion with her. Plus I wanted my husband to hear everything that was said so something didn't get twisted. I didn't say much. I refuse to fight. I just said it will take time. My heart was pounding and I was so afraid I would say something I would regret. All that was solved was that they expressed they didn't care if I cooked/ had room ready for them/ etc. (so I won't do it), and I told them that I wanted them to keep house picked up (If you get it out, put it back). So when they left they put everything back. When I cleaned today I noticed a window blind was broken and the rug had a huge pulled place and it ruined. They have been gone for three days and my husband is back to being the normal sweetheart that I married. He's very affectionate and acts like nothing happened. I suppose I may just have to come to the realization that a few weeks out of the year will be tense. I know they are coming for Christmas. I'm dreading the holidays. How should I let them know that I appreciate that they cleaned up after themselves? I'm upset about the rug/blind, but can't really bring myself to say anything. I want to spend the holidays with my husband, but don't see that possible. I fantasize about taking a Christmas trip to the beach/Disney to escape it all. Please give me more suggestions. I really appreciate it!

This sort of reminds me of something similar...well, sort of. I had a friend who had a stallion and he fed him 5 gallons of steer feed...for fattening steers...a day. Many times I tried to tell him how foolish this was. One morning, about 6 a.m., he showed up at my house to tell me the horse had died and he needed to get an autopsy done because if it was anything contagious, he wanted to vaccinate his other horses. I told him an autopsy would be expensive. He said he didn't care if it cost $100, he needed to do it. He called the vet, who happened to be my vet and he met him at the barn. I came along to witness this. I did tell the vet, quietly, that he had been feeding the horse steer feed, five gallons at a time, and he didn't care if an autopsy cost $100, he was willing to pay it. The vet walked around the horse and said, "Adam, look here how the horse's head is scuffed up. He died from colic. I can do an autopsy and charge you a lot of money, but I can guarantee you, that is what killed the horse." So, Adam decided, he wouldn't have the autopsy after all. The vet charged him $100 for coming out. (This was nearly 40 yrs ago.) Adam said "I can't believe he just walked around the horse and didn't touch him and still charged me $100." I said, "Just be glad he didn't do the autopsy."

I'm sorry for your loss of Ellie, Stacy. A good friend just got another cat this week after the loss of their cat last fall. Take your time, do it when you are ready. It doesn't really matter when that time is. My cat, Rocket, had lost 3 lbs. between yearly visits to the vet and she was concerned so she wanted to see him in 3 months to see if it was continuing to start looking for a cause. Well, I had been changing foods on him and I guess he just wasn't eating as much. I put him on Nutro Natural Choice Grain Free Duck and Potato and he gained 2 of those pounds back in the 3 months. He also gets just a bit of canned Nutro minced chicken. Rocket is 13 and doing very well. A little 3.2 oz. can will easily last 2 days or more. I just give him a little maybe twice a day or so. He always has dry food, but never clears his little bowl in one day. Now Fred, the schnauzer is a different story. He had bladder crystals almost two years ago and had to have surgery. After that the vet put him on U/D food and he actually gained weight. When I looked into the calorie count, his old food had been 300 calories a serving and that same serving size in the U/D was 400 calories!!! I felt bad about giving him less volume, so I started adding green beans to the smaller amount of the U/D. They are a great very low calorie filler and he loves them. He lost the extra weight pretty quickly. All the animals are at a good weight now. I try very, very hard not to give them people food. They usually are ok with that, although sometimes they just sit and look at me with those big brown eyes. :)