Yes Brown Widows. I am glad you reminded me...I was going to bed but now I must hunt Widows. I have knocked them down radically by going out at night and "torching" them. (Small torch called a BenzOMatic for soldering) My local entimologists really had no advice for me. Getting rid of spiders is very difficult. (I will not kill everything to kill them.) So I am making it up as I go. (They want me to let them know how it goes! LOL, Geeez!) From hundreds to 10s is pretty good! I also use sticks (cause they are slow) when they are in my plants, so I don't burn them up. :-( They are NOT aggressive. Each egg sac can have upto 35 babies, ewww. So you definitely want to get rid of them. Not fun but you must go out at night because they are highly visible. Kill them. In the morning remove the webs with broom or whatever so the next night you can see the new webs. Continue for a few nights and soon there will be very few. The entimologist says to put the egg sacs in alcohol to kill them. I "torch" them. The webs and sacs are so sticky it is not easy to put them into a jar of alcohol! Like trying to get a piece of tape stuck on you to fall into the trash can. Not fun when you already have the heebie jeebies. They are everywhere here in SOCal. By the hundreds. zyperiris, I wish for your Father a smooth as possible journey. (I went through lung cancer with my Mom) Oh yeah, as far as your Dads animals the vets have said they are not getting any more spider bites than normal since the Brown Widow introduction/infestation. Thank goodness! (Same with hospital reports and humans, by the way.) I have read everything I can get my heebie jeebied hands on. Take good care of you and your sister. Allison ps I love my spiders and beetles and ants and all, but this has been crrazzy!

Dear Heartbroken - please accept my deepest sympathy on the passing of your beloved husband. Believe me - you aren't alone to be in your early 50's, widowed and suffering. It just feels that way. I still get weepy, but not every day any more. My wife passed in April so I am beginning to come to terms with being alone and raising my young sons by myself. Everyone's experience is unique but all the things you describe - the numbness, the crying, the empty feeling, and bouncing around the house are unfortunately par for the course. All of that will pass but no one can say when. I am starting to feel better but my loss was not sudden like yours. I had prepaired myself with the knowledge that I was going to lose my wife for years. Still, it hit me like a sledgehammer. It doesn't sound like you and your husband had any chance to get ready for what came. For me, staying busy has helped. I do alot with my church and I get out of the house with friends as often as possible. I work at being happy - kind of the "fake it 'till you make it" thing. More and more often, I do have a good day and notice it's a nice, sunny day, or something like that. I have reengaged with our (my's wife's too) social network and reconnecting with long lost friends has helped me greatly. Still, the best medicine is time. You will feel better at some point. And I pray you will find it shortly. Best wishes, and again - I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Doc

My mother was alone for 25 years after Dad died. She had a lot of interests--of course they didn't take Dad's place, but they did fill her time. She was active in: her church, the local Woman's club, the library auxilliary, historical society. She met with friends weekly to socialize and sew. She kept busy with her grandchildren. Liked to go to lunch with her other relatives and friends. Enjoyed getting together with others in her senior apt. to watch movies and play games. She read during every spare moment. And did some travelling. As far as volunteering? There are so many opportunities in any community. Senior centers/assisted living/nursing homes always appreciate anyone willing to come in and share their talents with the residents (be it entertaining, crafting, etc). Libraries always have volunteer opportunities. Ronald McDonald houses generally need members of the community to help out by providing meals for the families using their facilities. Zoos, museums need docents. The courts have volunteer positions. There are generally environmental volunteer opportunities in every town. What about taking some classes? Most community colleges and local adult schools offer free or reduced tuition for seniors (not sure you are one, yet--don't mean to offend). Since you mentioned money being an issue, have you considered taking an apprenticeship course at your local community college? They'll help you land a job in the field you'd be studying, you'd be working and getting paid while becoming qualified in a para-professional field. I'm not talking about becoming an electrician or plumber--you can apprentice in many fields like optician, paralegal, etc. Great way to fill hours, make some money, and prepare for a career--no matter how old you are. When DD studied opticianry, MOST of the folks in her classes were older, many were retired, who were preparing for a second career. She was the 'baby' of the bunch.

Your right it's not your kids, it's you. Your kids are old enough and have their own lives. Are you afraid you are betraying your former wife? Betraying her somehow or are you afraid of the true committment? It is you an putting your fiance behind your kids is extremely painful for her. Your spouse should be forever an you are showing her you don't value her or that she is not that important to you. It is important for evey woman to feel values, important and #1 with their partner. I am living the same thing with a man that has told me I need to wait for his to grow up to hava a marriage. As our counselor said when in your head will they ever grow up. Once they are teenagers they need some guidance, structure and rules but when they are adults they are on your own. Instead of reading material I would suggest some coumseling. But it doesn't work if you don't do the work and get honest with yourself. That can be the hardest part. Your kids are grown and have their lives, it's time to move on an live yours. You get a second chance, don't waste it