Cypress, The decision is yours but here is what happened to me... I met a man who I thought was the greatest thing since chocolate 5 years ago. I have 2 children (he doesn't have any) but he seemed to get along with them well. My son was 16 and didn't want me to marry him but I thought that he was being jealous because he had been in the past. We had always been very close. My daughter was 6 and enjoyed spending time with my new love. I never saw him treat them badly or say anything that was out of order. After 12 years of being single, I chose to marry him, after a year dating. 3 months after the wedding, my son left home, REFUSES to even come to the house to visit because Husband is ALWAY rude to him and cut's me down for defending him. My daughter HATES him!! I can never leave her at home by herself in case he gets home before me. He scream and fights with her all the time. He sends her to her room within 5 minutes after she get off the school bus EVERY DAY. My daughter is staying with one of my sister's for the summer and I am trying to get Husband to talk to me. He doesn't see a problem. He is the adult and man of the house and she needs to behave. Yes, she has developed a 'smart' mouth and voices her opinions more than an 11 year old should but IMO he needs to have some respect for her also. Children are people! their feeling can be hurt just like his. THey have a right to have their own opinion when ask a question. All the monthly bills are in my name as I moved them over to our new home instead of paying another deposit. My ENTIRE pay check goes to pay for them and food. His paycheck is his ~ he says he works hard for his money and deserves to have some fun. Leaving is not a do-able option for me. Your man may not do these things, YET!! That is the key word. If he is behaving in this manner now, just imagine what it will be like when he gets you to sign the license. Do you want your son to have to be by himself every evening, lonely in his room? Be scared to bring a problem to you or just discuss his day, because 'he' is home? Just my 2 cents, Good luck

Sweeby, I tend to agree with you. I truely believe my SS is a sociopath. I have researched it extensively and he is dead on. Even to the point that we got puppies for each of the kids last year and he would feed and water his, walk it when the others walked theirs but he never loved on it like the others did. Never smiled at it when it was happy to see him. He was detached. Honestly, that was when I first started to notice he was a little different. He can turn it on, when he knows others are watching, or even mimic others "normal" behavior, he is just different. His puppy didn't grow and learn like the others because he didn't take time with her. When he went to his mothers and said he wasn't coming back, I was at least relieved that I could find the puppy someone to love her. To this day he has never even asked where she is! Was my husband a great father? No. He thought he was, he tried so hard. He stayed in a loveless marriage for 20 years convinced (by his wife and her family) that if he left he would never see his sons again. That is a ridiclous farce! But my husband, while the kindest soul I have ever know, isn't the most intellectual man. He was on his own at age 15 and all he wanted was a family. He endured SO MUCH to keep his family together and while he THOUGHT he was doing the right thing, it was in the end, the absolute worst thing he could have done. Children who grow up in a battle zone, watching their mother belittle their father over and over, watching their mother lose her temper and hit herself in the head, having one affair after another, that is bound to produce some twisted individuals. My husband tried to keep them busy, Boy Scouts, football, basketball, bowling leagues, track...he was at every practice, every game, helped coach..anything he could to keep them busy and focused on something positive. Yes, he feels gulity. I don't bring it up anymore, he talks when he needs to talk and I listen. Last night for the first time, he said, "I should have taken my boys and left when they were little. They would be different now." I know that is true and I know that is why he puts up with so much, he is largely to blame. No, he wasn't a mean father, but he was an ignorant one, either way, his boys are damaged. I feel bad for my SSs and I am very maternal by nature, so I have tried so hard to take care of them. I wonder if maybe there isn't some jealousy there by the 18 year old because he didn't grow up with that kind of mother. His mother is SO selfish! I have never seen anything like it! Well, my SSs....I have loved on him, he and I had one on one "date nights" and days of shopping and lunches like I do with the others, talked about everything under the sun. I just think it is too late... When his behavior affects my children I have to say no more. Some have asked about my 20 year old SS that I have only met twice. Right in the middle of the split between his parents, he "came out". He was 17. He really , really needed understanding and nurturing. He didn't get it. His mother was vested in her new relationship and his father was licking his own wounds. Both adults were selfish and not there for their son in a very, very crucial time in his life. He is still angry and hurt. While my husband now sees his mistake and wants to be there for his son, he is now going to have to wait until his son is ready to forgive him. Which is why my husband calls him very Sunday and leaves him a message, without fail. He tried to live with his mother and her boyfriend and that didn't work out because the boyfriend was calling him a *ag every day! I wish he would give us a chance but he just isn't ready... I saw on FB recently that he was saying he needed money for groceries. I told my husband (who doesn't realy do the FB thing)and he sent him money for groceries. It's a start... Need to add, the SSs do NOT get along! It's just a big mess! : ( I have to leave it all to my husband. He created this situation, regardless of his intentions, it is time for him to step up and take care of his own. I am just going to take care of mine and see in time what develops.

You are in a difficult situation indeed. I understand what you are going through. My husband and I have a son together. He also has a daughter from a previous marriage and I have a son from a previous marriage. The situation you describe sounds like mine in that my husband shows his biological son an enormous amount of love and my other son nothing. There is basically no interaction at this point between the two. He use to discipline my son, but I felt it was done unfairly so that has stopped. Now we are at the point where he nit picks about every little thing my son does, but not to him...to me. It is sooo annoying. It has weakened our relationship as husband and wife, but at least my son is not constantly hearing the complaints. I must say though that my husband's nit picking has made me more critical of my sons behavior. I feel like I am riding him harder over insignificant stuff so I don't have to listen to my husbands complaints...I keep telling myself I need to stop this. My husband, for the most part, is good to me and our son. My other son is 12 and very into school, friends, and basketball. I try to do extra stuff for him when I can to make up for the fact that he doesn't have a dad and his step-dad wants nothing to do with him. My dad (his grandpa) is also a wonderful role model and strong male figure in his life. He spends a lot of time with him. Is it possible for you to find your other son another strong male role model? Like a grandfather, a friend, or join a big brother big sister group? Maybe that would help him and allow you to stay with your husband. You also must consider your other children too. What effect will it have on them if you take them away from their father?

Trebruchet. we moved for the school district knowing the house was too small. Architect suggested a two story 24'X18' 3 room addition - living room and 2 BR's. We subbed out some stuff like foundation, roof shingles etc. but my husband has vast knowledge in carpentry, electricity, plumbing etc. and 3 adult children at home so we did a great amount of DYI. Phase 2 was to take 3 rooms in the existing house and reduce them to 2, thus expanding the kitchen, adding a pantry, and reconfiguring the formal dining room. Plans go back 6 yrs. Husband got tired of the work after the addition. He works hard (not physical but mental labor) I'll give him that.His routine is he comes home from work, exercises, sits in his recliner, watches tv and plays online poker so I am stuck. I am making decisions in areas that I know nothing about. I wish I could set aside 100K and just hire everyone but I need to do some stuff myself (with much help from the kids obviously). So far they have been great but there are times I don't even know what to tell them to do. That is where you all have been such a relief. I have trolled many of the subjects in Garden Web and learned so much. I hired someone to move a load bearing wall as per GWs advise and I had son #1 remove the old yucky rug and scrape up the chippy underlayment, big help from Flooring there. Need to replace the subfloor as it is bouncy everywhere - gonna sub that out to a carpenter I trust. Sadly my 23 yo daughter had a major brain injury last summer - fractured skull, brain clots, blood in her spinal fluid etc. etc. Many days in Neurosurgical ICU. Her five months of recovery ended last month so I am back on track. I have no answer as to why he will not do anything. He goes weeks without talking with me or the boys. I send him emails re the remodel but he will not respond, just sits in the friggin' recliner every single day. I've seen an attorney so I can protect myself financially - luckily I handle all the money. I was astonished to find that I am in a large group of spouses that live together physically, but apart emotionally, both sexes included. I know this is so OT and for that I apologize, but this is why the 6 month timeline on the kitchen - I am making decisions on areas of which I have no expertise. Now it will be longer because of the bathroom. I can't express enough how you guys have been so helpful and full of encouragement . Lynn P.S. While still under the surgeons care, she was finally allowed to return to work and college. We may never know why she fell, or why the amnesia but all we can do its hope and pray it will not happen again. Meanwhile she has begged me not to watch anymore episodes of "Wives with Knives" on the ID channel!