"And I know people who have faced those things despite being financially prudent and well disciplined. " Really doubtful. The number of folks hit by lighting every year is VERY well known. A whole lot of 'living beyond your means' and 'I want it NOW' with a decent dose of gaming the system. 'No docs' loans originated with large down payments. When you walk in with 50%+ equity in cash, lenders dis not need to look that hard. Extending the same privileges to 10% or 20% down customers is ASKING to get ripped off. 'Interest only loans' started in a similar way. Purchasers had large performing investments, and did not want to liquidate them and tie money up in a house. When you are making upwards of 15% on your money, paying down an 8% loan with that money is just foolish. If your yield starts to fall it is time to move some funds around. It is not a method to let you purchase a house you otherwise cannot afford, assuming it will increase in value and you will get out from under the debt before it crushes you. Here is some BIG news. RE does NOT always increase in value. Items completely beyond your control can cause the value to actually DECREASE. Those with a solid financial base weather the storm. The others go looking to get someone else to pay for their losses.

Thank you to Aequitas and justmetoo for your helpful suggestions. I think the "no problem" solution might work out because at this point, she just seems to think at the time she is misbehaving that the consequences are just a joke. Waiting until she expresses genuine interest in something and then implementing the consequence seems like it might get through to her a little more than the rote loss of ipod, sentences, no hanging out with friends. As far as the lunch account, DH did call the school and told them she is not to buy anything but the actual meal. The sneaking food at home usually occurs when I am taking a shower. The last time she did it (that I am aware of), she came to me afterward asking for a snack, and I said no since I am pretty sure she already had something. So, she told me well, I didn't have anything, but ok... see, I am saying ok rather than arguing with you about it. Then later, I saw there was an empty package of cookies in the cupboard, and she fessed up at that point. DH has actually become very supportive of me over time, but still manages to undercut me sometimes, but for the most part, we have to present a united front because she was getting in the habit of trying to start arguments between us by "tattling" on the other. He knows she misbehaves, it is just that sometimes our strategies for dealing with it differ. His thing is to ignore most of it, or he just doesn't see how it is a problem. Like the party behavior, if I had tried correcting her as often as she needed, he probably would have given me "the look" like I need to just let her have fun and be a kid. He chalks it up to kid behavior, but so much of her behavior is still age inappropriate, and she gets called on it by peers, but sees it as their problem, not hers. Other kids of similar age at the party were calm and were not creating the chaos that she was. DH and I are now seriously discussing an evaluation because in the past we were both in agreement that it was behavioral and we wanted to hold off on medication unless it was absolutely necessary. There is much past history that I did not get into in the previous post, but SD used to live with GM, who got her put on Abilify at age 9 with no impact, then she came to live with us, without medication and was fine for about the first year or so. And, the truth is, things have not been easy for her growing up with BM being a mess and DH acquiescing control to his mom for a lot of the time when she was little. But, it seems that now she just doesn't care about the lying or crazy behavior. It seems like she would rather get to do what she wants for that little bit and live with the consequences. It seems like now she is older, she knows that she does not need to listen to us and really feels like our rules are a joke because she gets to do whatever she wants at her mom's house, like have boyfriends that she keeps secret from us, facebook accounts, time to hang out with no adult supervision, watch movies and t.v. that she is not supposed to, etc. For the last several months, I have noticed also that when she comes back from her mom's, the first week is somewhat more bearable than the second week when she knows she is going to her mom's that weekend. She can be perfectly pleasant if no one is asking anything of her, but the second she is told what to do, an argument ensues. With DH, she can be calm, have conversations, act normal, whereas with me, she either chooses not to talk or to argue. However, there are still plenty of times when she will argue with every last ounce of her energy with him as well. To me, I think that the behavior problems could stem from a disorder, especially because BM also has bipolar disorder, and I know the likelihood of her having it is greatly increased. But I have worried that SD wants so much to be like her mom and to have an excuse for the behavior that takes it out of her control - her mom is also a master manipulator and liar. I discussed it with my own counselor the last time, and she said she is very cautious about diagnosing children with bipolar, but that a good idea might be to take her to a therapist, explain the background, and ask that she be seen for a period of six months or so to determine whether her bad behavior is just that, or if there is an underlying cause like bipolar. Also, like JMT said, the behavior doesn't happen in a bubble. She does not control her chattering at school and was in trouble several times last year (not severe trouble, as in sent to office, but enough to be constantly distracting to teacher and classmates, and it was mentioned again at Parent/Teacher conferences this year. The only other person who is ok with the behavior besides BM and consistently defends it is her GM (MIL). SD goes to her telling her how we took away this or that privilege and makes it appear that we are just out to get her. For instance, SD wanted to participate in an activity that requires practice, so we said that she could participate if she put in the practice beforehand. She did not practice the entire time, but when she spoke with MIL about it, she tells it as though we simply have unreasonable expectations that she cannot meet so we will just take away the activity anyway. All we wanted her to do was practice, put in some effort. So MIL calls DH and tells him that she is just too discouraged and we do not care, and will we care when she commits suicide. That is quite offensive to me, since I feel that is all we have tried to do is encourage and give opportunities to do activities or even earn them back if she has lost them. At this point, I feel emotionally wiped out from all the drama that is constantly stirred up. Just yesterday, she was playing with something that is not a toy, I talked to her dad about it, and he gave me the go ahead to ask her not to play with it, or take it if she was not listening (he was leaving for work, SD was not awake). I talked to her about it and she said, well I need to talk to Daddy about that, and she said that once more later on in the day. I said, that is good - we have already discussed this matter, but do talk to him about it - in fact from now on any time you need anything, even something as small as a snack, go talk to your dad about it, and if he is at work and you can't get a hold of him then too bad. I guess that is how it will be from now on. She doesn't think I have a say, and I will be perfectly fine letting DH handle it. .

Homepro, my sister lives in DC. We almost always ride Metro when we are there, but we have driven a few times (we have friends in Richmond). I can see where you could be prone to road rage! Artemis, everyone tells me how roomy Minis are. I'm short so don't notice headroom! My DH's coworker is at least 6'4" and he was amazed how comfortable it was when he sat in it. Writersblock, I loathe camping, too, but the camper sure looks cute with the Mini! My DH's parents had a camper with their VW Beetle when he was a kid. The family of 5 went on long camping trips in the summer with that thing. DH lived in it for a while as an adult when he was working at the Methodist Youth Camp. Donna

I've read every single word here more than once, and I have no doubt I'll be returning again as I continue to process all that has been shared. Thanks so much to each and every one of you -- you are all tremendous sources of knowledge, experience, and inspiration. I work at the HQ level of a multinational corporation, and am involved primarily in corporate governance. The new tasks that I've been asked to undertake have to do with the financial sector, and that's an area where my experience and knowledge is lacking. I will be dealing primarily with investors and therefore I'm terribly concerned about my limited exposure in this arena and how that could potentially reflect not only on me, but on the company as a whole. That said, my role is of a slighty limited nature, in that I will be providing information and/or referring specific questions or needs to another entity that deals in certain transactional aspects. I suppose you could say I'll be first point of contact, and it will largely be by phone or email, and always on my own turf. In laying it all out like this, I realize it sounds like I'm shying away from something that a trained ape could do, but there's something about the "aspects of the unknown" that troubles me, as each scenario will be slightly different -- and I may from time to time be dealing with investors who are not well versed in their holdings or are confused about how things work. I fear this being a cocktail for disaster and embarrassment, as my own knowledge is so severely limited. I don't feel that I've been adequately trained, but my superiors are aware of this and have said they'll be there to help me in any way needed. I do work in an environment where questions are welcomed and others are willing to assist, so that's a plus -- but I also don't want to be "that person" who runs to a supervisor with each little thing that I find confusing. I work with some incredibly bright minds, and I feel a certain responsibility to work things out on my own insofar as it is practicable to do so. I've long heard it said that "there are no stupid questions", but actually, sometimes there ARE. Some things should be obvious, and I fear putting myself out there as one who is ill-informed. In trying to summarize exactly what it is about this that scares me so, it's probably a fear of the unknown more than anything -- and a worry that I'll prove to be an embarrasment. I guess I have a life-sized mental image of someone shouting down the phone at me that I'm clueless, and shouldn't be in this position since I clearly have no idea what I'm doing. Of course, I do realize that the likelihood of that actually happening is slim to none, and yet I find that's the self-talk that I tend to inflict on myself the most. Certainly I can read and absorb and ask questions and learn. I also know that sometimes learning comes as a result of trial and error. I will also admit that I often feel reluctant to the point of almost refusing, when it comes to learning and taking on new assignments. I was asked to assist on a project last year that I felt completely inadequate to handle, and yet I did it (with the guidance of some exceptional colleagues), and that proved to be something that made me grow significantly and truly instilled a tremendous sense of pride. The project was the reason I was able to take my first-ever trip to NYC as well, which was an added bonus. (I must have satisifed management with my performance on the project, as I received a monetary bonus as well.) So I KNOW that I can move forward and tackle something that initially seems off-putting to me, but I experience such tremendous trepidation about making those first steps initially that at times it feels downright crippling. Maybe I'm just going through a time of growing pains right now --- I dunno. When I think of the financial/investment knowledge I need to gain in order to do as I've been asked, I'm struck by an overall feeling of malaise ... "But I don't WANNA put forth the effort ..." and also a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I'm a fraud, and that somebody's gonna find out. And it's funny, particularly based upon what some of you have said here, because I know with certainty that I project an outward picture of professional poise and competence, which is largely why my superiors place their confidence in me. Inwardly, however, I struggle with still being an 8-year old child who has the "I don't wannas" and "I'm not good enough to be a part of this" that plays on a loop. I have jokingly told colleagues that my mantra is "fake it til you make it", and we all have a laugh about that -- but there is also a snippet of truth in that statement for me. I do believe that we must continue to stretch ourselves, to step outside of our comfort zones, in order to grow and feel accomplished career-wise. Goodness knows I don't want a boring job where I watch the clock and long for the day to end, but I also have a fear when I'm about to enter into a new project or task that it will somehow become all-consuming, and not in a good way. I think the advice above to simply start "consuming it", bite by bite, is just about the only way to even begin. I really like the idea of setting up a reward system for even the seemingly smallest accomplishments, because no matter if my feelings about this whole thing are legit or idiotic, they're still my feelings and I know I should be gentle with myself.