wow! Thermometer... I think that really hit me...seriously..I don't want to lose my family... guys are guys...and they'll come and go right? But your family is yours forever and you'll only have one. ehart1218, I can only guess that you are a very young woman. People naturally become offended when their age comes into question, but I don't say it to offend or belittle you at all. I say it because it is apparent you do not yet possess the wisdom that the benefit of time and experience begets. Like your parents, I am trying very hard to get you to open your eyes but fear I am failing miserably. Your situation is not a battle between your family and your man. You keep turning it into that, but this is not about choosing one over the other. It's not about the importance of family or anything of the sort. It's about what your parents are saying that you have to open your eyes to see and analyze. Talk to your parents calmly and with an open mind. Ask them what it is they object to about your fiance. Examine each individual complaint. Ask them why they make the complaints. As they enumerate their grievances, ask them "What's wrong with that?" with each one. You will be giving your parents the opportunity to school you. Please don't be so grown to think you know everything or that your parents have nothing left to teach you. Analyze and work through everything they say without becoming angry. They can show how a woman should be treated by her boyfriend/husband, or at least how she should not be treated and what she should not tolerate. You will be giving them the chance to explain, incident by incident, what he did/said that was embarrassing and disrespectul to you, or when they were embarrassed on your behalf because you didn't know to be offended at the time. Most parents don't think to school their daughters in this manner while they are teenagers. Don't fault your parents because no one ever thinks to do it. If more parents did, then there'd be far fewer women in abusive relationships and putting up with their husband's disrespect. Your parents are not trying to make things bad for you. They understand the natural course of life, and that you will one day marry and have children. They are very much looking forward to it. They just don't want you to make bad choices in life and can see this will be a very bad one. That is what I meant when I said they can see your future. You met this guy and fell in love with him. Perhaps he is very good looking. Perhaps he has a good education and a good job. I'm sure he has many good attributes in his favor. Your parents fell in love with all those qualities too.....at first. But then, as I said, the benefit of time - as all things are revealed in due time - and the benefit of acquaintance - as you spend time with a person, you get to see them for what they really are - brought them back down to reality. In the beginning, they thought their daughter had quite a catch of a guy, but he has shown them a very different side of himself. Trust your parent's wisdom, and trust they only want the best for you. Also, go through the pages on this forum and read a bunch of the posts. You will find on these pages the exact same complaints your parents have....the exact same mistakes most of these women have made....the exact same mistakes your parents are trying to prevent you from making. Mom and dad are trying to fortify you. They're trying to make sure you have the self-estemm and self-worth that a woman should hold for herself. The kind of worth a woman possesses that helps her recognize when she is being treated badly. Understand something else, please. You met this guy, and he did and said all the things you liked hearing. He gave you some attention. He brought you into his world and made you like it. It could have been someone else and can still be someone else. Someone who loves and cares for you in the way that you deserve.

Janet- I think TS and the others have given you a lot of support and advice. I don't think anyone once said not to help your parents. I think rather we just feel you need to rethink the way you are viewing this... change your filter if you will. Your original post gave me the impression that you felt you had to organize it FOR them, do the work FOR them, and do it all by yourself with help from DH. My thought right away was rather than doing it FOR them it should be WITH them. Maybe I just didn't understand what you were trying to get across? I agree with TS. And what you wrote in a later post indicates she is right. Your parents are very capable of taking care of themselves and of moving themselves. That comes across when you point out how much they have already thrown away and packed up by themselves. They have done more than you expected. While I think this is has the potential of being overwhelming, it really isn't your job. By that I mean, it is not your job to 'wrestle it to the ground' by yourself. Your parents will be the ones to direct this and decide what they are going to ultimately keep and not keep etc. It sounds like they are doing a great job and don't need you worrying about planning it all by yourself. In fact, I imagine they would be hurt to think that you don't think they can organize it themselves with some manual labor help from you. I guess what I'm getting at here is not a critique of what you are doing but rather a thought along the lines of - take care of yourself. Don't take more on than you have to or can take on. Allow your parents the luxery of your faith that they are adults and will do fine without your organizing FOR them. It seems that maybe you and your family, parents, sisters, etc who are helping need to have a pow wow of sorts. Sit down and tell your parents that you are worried about lots of stuff/smaller house and what can you do to help them. I imagine they know exactly what they need from you. And during this discussion would be a great time to provide your advice- a dumpster, no garage sale, etc. whatever. But as you said- every family is different. What would work with my parents will NEVER work with my inlaws. Each of us can merely offer some thoughts for you to take or not as you will. I think the idea of you and your siblings taking stuff that used to be yours back to your home is a brilliant idea. My mother in law can't throw anything away. Every year we go there we pull home several boxes of stuff to PRESUMABLY throw away. However, DH doesn't and that is another story. When I was a adult in my own home, my parents requested that I take all of my stuff out of their home. I think it is just respectful that if I want to keep it, I store it in my home. Maybe by you and your siblings taking back ownership of some of your old things would help. I also agree with much of what Steve O and Lazygarden wrote- be as efficient as possible. They had some very useful advice. When we moved my hsuband into this house and he is a saver to the extreme - we split up the rooms. I moved one room and he packed up the other. This gave me the opportunity to toss stuff and hm the opportunity to keep stuff. It cut the clutter we would have moved in half. Maybe you can do something like this? OF course, he trusted me then to know I wouldn't throw away anything he truly needed or wanted to keep. Whatever. It's late and I'm sure this won't come across nearly like I think it is. Good luck. Ginger

This is one of those cases where the child needs special attention. Attention that goes further than a teacher/child relationship. From what I understand, this kid doesn't just bite, he hits, pushes, grabs things from the other kids, destroys projects that the kids are working on, etc. He has physically hurt children as well as the adults, and doesn't have any compassion for the children when they cry and beg him not to do this. His parents have been to the school to go on field trips, and such. They seem like they are trying to work with this kid, but there is something about him, that just isn't right. He seems to enjoy making the other kids cry, or he wouldn't be smiling when he does this. Also, from what I have heard, he gets plenty of attention, he demands it. More attention than any other kids in the class, so it can't be that he feels neglected by the staff and kids. I know that my son likes to make friends, he doesn't like to make people cry, in fact he'll go out of his way to help you stop crying. He likes to share, and he would never intentionally harm anyone like this. If you would have seen what this kid did to my baby, you would have called him evil too. Jainie

amylyn, wow, your SS sounds like a real manipulator. Just keep in mind... he's entering those years where he is physically brain damaged. I have had one heck of a time keeping my 15 y.o. son to keep up his grades. I've tried every trick in the book from positive reinforcement to groundings and taking away stuff. Much to no avail! Same thing with my middle SD. Couldn't get her to really focus on the school work, she always did a mediocre job and was content with that. Your SS may never be the achiever that your bio-kids are. Did you happen to be a part of raising his older brother? Even kids that do mediocre in school can go onto college. I have two SD's that have proven that. Don't let the younger SS get in the middle of your marraige. I would confront him, with your daughter present, about the "scare tactics" he seems to be using on her. Sounds like a jealousy and insecurity issue on his end. When these s-kids are going back and forth between BM's and Dad's house, they will always play the blame game because it's so much easier for them to be a victim then live up and own their irresponsibilty. Been there, lived that! Just remember, SS is a kid, you are the adult. You can only make it worse by letting all this get to you. Be glad you have a place like this forum to come and vent! Heaven knows I've used it for that and it was nice to get it off my chest.