Between 3 and 6 months you should begin to notice little (at first) tiny improvements. It's really hard to work with a 3 month old because they are still on survival autopilot and will do what they need to do, as driven by their brains and development. They don't yet communicate 'normally' in a 2-way sense so it's really hard to work with them. If there is a part of the pattern that leaves her screaming when you can reasonably know she's not 'too' anything and she is safe, then you can try soothing her without touch (she may still need your touch though, so use your best judgement and experiment). You can probably soothe her with your voice, singing, humming, and things like that. The 'trick' is to get her attention with that soothing thing that reinforces for her that you are present/near _before_ she is worked up to the point of panic or screaming (at that point, touch will probably soothe her most effectively and quickly). Use the vocal soothing as if by reflex, and it might help buy you some time and help her to cope while she's all freaked out because of change or the pacifier gone or whatever it is she thinks/feels. 2 hours later for bedtime maybe? (you could try adjusting times bit-wise by about 15-30 minutes at a time and staying at each step for 5-7 days to see if there is any change). when you need a pep talk, look at her at that 4am waking; smiling, it's quiet out and there's just you for her and life is probably very good for her at those times and when she is shattered by imposed unanticipated change (the noticed absence of the pacifier), she can trust that you can make things right and good again P.S. Is there a baby-safe way you can secure the pacifier (or a pacifier) to her sleeping clothes, or bed? It might be possible (don't count on instant results) to kind of teach her how she can find her own pacifier. (She might have initial trouble finding her mouth with it, or with letting go at the right time though... by 6 months odds will improve that she can manage this task on her own).

My so was about 2 1/2 when we decided to take the pacifier away. He would suck so much on his pacifier that a small hole would end up on the bottom. Well when he sucked it after there was the hole , it made a strange sound he didn't like. Needless to say I decided not to replace the pacifer (as I had done in the past when this happened)and told him it was broke and there weren't any more to buy!! I guess he bought this. He would put it in his mouth and it would make the sqeak squeak sound he didn't like with it having a hole and he would take it out and complain and I would say how it was broke. At bedtime I began to lay in his room on the carpeting as he went to sleep...next I moved to the hall...in the hall he could not see me and would ask if I was still there...this made him feel comfortable knowing I was around. I would stay there until I could he went to sleep. The eventually it wouldn't take any time for him to go to sleep and I would very quietly move further away from his room. It actually took about 2 weeks, and I was a stay at home Mom but it did work. I selected Christmas holiday when I knew my daughter would be out of school and I could be more flexible with her sleeping in case her brother while getting off the pacifer cried and kept her awake for a long time. He did do some crying at first but then stopped. This method may seem strange, but it worked for us. I guess everyone has their own way of doing it, but after a few days of trying off and on to suck on his pacifer and it making a loud squishy squeaky noise he more or less went cold turkey on doing without the pacifer that was broke. Good luck! ~Lynn~

Just thought I would update that the countdown is on, six weeks left, and all is well as far as I know. I'm getting pretty huge and I don't know how I'm going to keep growing for six more weeks! Still have my ankles though! I have been very thirsty lately and I'm thinking that is because apparently your level of amniotic fluid grows a lot at this time. I'm slowing down a bit and I had to stop driving because of road rage – – – turns out pregnancy rage is real! Not usually a very angry person so I don't have a lot of coping mechanisms. My new job is quite demanding and I have been trying to do a really good job filling in as they are just about to post the position for a two-year term. So I find I have been going to bed earlier and earlier in the evenings! I met with a postpartum Doula and I have decided to engage her services for afterwards. I have heard that the nurses at my hospital are amazing and supportive so I thought I would rather spend the money to have support when we are home alone and everyone is crying at 4 AM. I also didn't have much luck engaging my husband with online prenatal classes so we are doing a series of in person classes at the very last minute!

You're obviously very frustrated by how the situation developed, and disappointed by losing what you mistakenly understood to be part of your property. Anyone would be. That said, the fence is there and it's not going away so I'd try to move past the whole ordeal. Forget grudges or payback, including aggressive plants that will look foreign in your New England setting, and just work to make your garden beautiful. Garden designers often talk about "borrowed views" -- incorporating the landscaping from adjacent properties. If you plant and nurture a shrub border along the fence line, the beautiful trees you planted will become part of your borrowed view. Once the vegetation disguises part of the fence, your eye will see those trees as part of the larger landscape. Have fun this winter planning your new planting bed. And remember the old adage, "Living well is the best revenge."