well my dd is the same I knew she was waking just cause sometimes. She also uses the pacifer for sleep. so I began to go in there and not pick her up but just shove the pacifer back in her mouth and held it there for a few mins. She would go back to sleep, I do this twice a night and now she sleeps until 5:30-6:00am! She's 19 weeks.

I would not have her bedtime at 5:30/6PM. I think that is too early. I would shoot for 8PM. I would say no later than 8:30. You may need to do that gradually since, it will be an adjustment for her. I am a BIG believer in the importance of sleep for little ones, but 5:30/6Pm is like dinner time. I do think that once she is in daycare that you would also find this bedtime to be bad because you would not get to spend much time with her. The wakings where she wants to eat, will get fewer over time. The 4AM one, if all she wants is her pacifier, I would go in the room and give her the pacifier - without picking her up. Rub her belly for a minute or two, then leave. This will help discourage waking at that time if she realizes that this is not playtime. You may also find by putting her to bed at a later time, that she does not wake up as much.

I don't put Liam down for bed in his crib in the dark until 10 or 10:30pm. It works out great for us. He is 12 weeks too and sleeps soundly until 5am. He's not sleep deprived at all. He takes naps throughout the day. I try not to let him sleep for more then three hours at a time during the day. Sometimes when I put him down at night he's not even totally asleep yet but because he's in the dark he stays quiet and falls asleep quickly. Luckily (or unluckily sometimes) he does not like the pacifier. He rarely takes it, but he's not a big crier to begin with. I feed and rock him for about 20 minutes before he goes to bed and he does great. I was surprised to hear that both of you let your babies sleep with their pacifiers. I always heard that not to be a good idea, that it can be a choking hazard. It also doesn't allow them to calm themselves down to sleep. They rely on the comfort of the pacifier. I read in my "What to Expect the First Year" book that it's best to try and break the pacifier habit by three months. Babies forget about it very quickly at this stage. If you wait till their toddlers, they have longer memories and will put up a big fight. When they're this young they're not going to sleep much more then six hours at a time because they'll want to eat. Why not adjust them more to your sleep schedule and as they get older and can sleep longer, make the bed time earlier. I feel so much better now that I can get some rest on my body clock can play with him in the mornings when we're both fed and rested.

Good Luck!

Between 3 and 6 months you should begin to notice little (at first) tiny improvements. It's really hard to work with a 3 month old because they are still on survival autopilot and will do what they need to do, as driven by their brains and development. They don't yet communicate 'normally' in a 2-way sense so it's really hard to work with them.

If there is a part of the pattern that leaves her screaming when you can reasonably know she's not 'too' anything and she is safe, then you can try soothing her without touch (she may still need your touch though, so use your best judgement and experiment). You can probably soothe her with your voice, singing, humming, and things like that. The 'trick' is to get her attention with that soothing thing that reinforces for her that you are present/near _before_ she is worked up to the point of panic or screaming (at that point, touch will probably soothe her most effectively and quickly). Use the vocal soothing as if by reflex, and it might help buy you some time and help her to cope while she's all freaked out because of change or the pacifier gone or whatever it is she thinks/feels.

2 hours later for bedtime maybe? (you could try adjusting times bit-wise by about 15-30 minutes at a time and staying at each step for 5-7 days to see if there is any change).

when you need a pep talk, look at her at that 4am waking; smiling, it's quiet out and there's just you for her and life is probably very good for her at those times and when she is shattered by imposed unanticipated change (the noticed absence of the pacifier), she can trust that you can make things right and good again

P.S. Is there a baby-safe way you can secure the pacifier (or a pacifier) to her sleeping clothes, or bed? It might be possible (don't count on instant results) to kind of teach her how she can find her own pacifier. (She might have initial trouble finding her mouth with it, or with letting go at the right time though... by 6 months odds will improve that she can manage this task on her own).