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Wow...ok dude listen up, these forums are probably about 80-90% female....and I'm sure they may give you some different opinions....but I'm going to relate to you what I went through (didn't turn out too well, sorry to say), since SOOOO much of what you wrote could have been written by me about 5-6 years ago (I'm 47 now...) I too was an educated man (I guess I still am..lol), a good provider, hard-worker, helped with the kids, the laundry, cooking, you name it. Always faithful, not out boozing or golfing with the boyz all the time...very rarely in fact. I worked about 55-60 hrs a week for years getting a software company off the ground, plus was renovating a house we bought...this is going back to 2001-2004 or so. I thought things were going well...I was fairly happy, my kids were awesome, I thought my wife was sort of happy (as happy as she can be, she was never the 'happy type')...after all she was doing what she wanted to be doing (being a stay-at-home). In 2004 sometime, shortly after my mother died, I started to feel something was 'off'. Not sure if I just finally noticed things, or if mom gave me sort of a 'kick in the head' on the way out...but I started realizing we had completely disconnected. I was doing my stuff...working and fixing the house, she was consumed with the kids 24-7 (or so I thought...more on that later), and when we did talk, it was about the kids, or the house, stuff like that. I realized this sitting in an airport on a business trip once, waiting for a flight, every other guy was on the phone yapping with their wives for a long time in the terminal I was at...my call lasted two minutes...we had nothing to talk about. This was a defining moment in my life, it turns out. When I got back from my trip, I started to do a lot of the things you spoke of, talk to her, try to reconnect, be more attentive, etc. I got the cold shoulder in a major way. I read on a thread either here, or in the "Stepfamilies" forum which, aside from the home-improvement forums is the other one I go to, "once a women shuts down....she is gone". I think this is what happened to my wife. To make and incredibly long and painful (for me) story short, I stared having feelings she might have been having an "outside interest" somewhere (I honestly, foolishly, thought she was too good a person to cheat on me...) So, I did what all suspicious spouses do these days...hit the cell phone while she was sleeping. Over the next few weeks, I figured out she was having an affair for 9 months with a contractor that had done work on my house (despite her lies and denials every step of the way, even after she admitted everything)...great, not only was he f%$#ing my wife, but I paid him 15K on top of that. Talk about salt in the wounds...ugh! The next couple years were a mix of trying to put it behind us (which I said I could do, in order to try to salvage the family), which was for the most part unsuccessful because she resisted communication, resisted therapy, etc. She also went to school during these few years and finished her degree...which should have been a huge red flag for me that it was all part of her "exit strategy". Three years later, she is gainfully employed, and although during this time I never felt like we ever really reconnected, no matter how hard I tried, on the surface we were 'both in it for the long haul', or so she said. I am sure you can imagine what happens next....within 6 months of working, I start getting those gut feelings again that she is 'distracted'....a little more investigation, and I figured out she was doing it again. Basically she strung me along for 3 god damn years, thinking we were going to salvage the marriage...when deep down she knew the whole time as soon as she got "self-sufficiant", she was out of there. I was never disrespectful to her, I was faithful, a good provider and an awesome dad. I deserved better....as I imagine you do too. My advice to you...attack the problem full force. Tell her all that you said in your post, and tell her (if it's true) that the most important thing on the planet is your relationship with HER (not keeping the family together, not avoiding divorce...etc.), and that you are prepared to do whatever it takes to make it as good as it can be, starting with marriage counseling. Don't sit back and hope it changes, which is what I did between the two affiars.....I gave up too easily. Be proactive and do bold things. Arrange for someone to watch the kids and take her away for a weekend...spur of the moment, things like that. I know that I probably had an opportunity to reconnect with my wife, and I was too passive in my attempts, because I am a logical thinker, i.e. I think like most men. One more piece of advice, stay away from women unless they are an actual "female-friend" that you had BEFORE this started....the fantasy of other women will cloud your vision...you have a family that needs your attention right now. Give it your full attention and maybe you have a chance to fix it. If it doesn't work, you will have time afterwards to engage in flirting and chasing women (which I must say, was a pretty fun thing to do after 15 yrs of being with one person...lol!) Now flash forward, I am divorced, have a great girlfriend of 3+ years, have 50% custody of my two kids, 13 and 10, just bought a nice house after renting for a few years....so on the surface, it's all ok, right? Not really, not a day goes by that I don't hate her for two things....first, making my kids grow up like this. It's not a big deal to her, she was raised by a single mom, and she turned out fine (uhmm...really?). I had an awesome, stable childhood and hate the facts that my kids have been forced to deal with this, even though (for the sake of the kids), I am nothing but pleasant and accommodating to her, despite all she but me through, while deep down, if it wasn't for the kids......ok I won't go there, but you can only imagine the hatred I have for her. And second, the feeling of betrayal from someone you were putting all your efforts towards making happy (yes, sometimes my efforts were misguided, but they were still done with the best intentions), is pretty hard to take. I will always be a bit "bitter" about this I imagine. Good luck! Keep us posted...

A little late to the party but what incredible and joyous news! I can imagine how thrilled you and your husband are and the doll story really made me smile to know that he's as thrilled and involved as are you. They sound like wonderful children. So sad about their eating problems in the past and yes it'll take a while to get over that but you're clearly taking great steps to help her and them settle in and soon they'll know that this is a different and better life. One suggestion, take it for what it's worth. How about letting them help plan out meals? Do a menu for a week or so and let them help. I would think that would relieve some apprehension about whether they will eat and it's never too early to let them help in their own way on the meal prep. BTW, don't forget about the library! That can be a regular outing. One thing I want to say though, there's a lot of comments and I'm sure even more thoughts about the natural parents and I want to point out how many people give children bad lives but WON'T give them up. I want to give credit that the mother realized she couldn't handle them anymore and willingly gave up her rights. That must be difficult to do. And the fathers gave up their rights too. Kudos to them too. I hope they're not left out in the cold. Not suggesting visitation or anything but maybe an update occasionally to let them know how the kids are doing could be nice. Just something to think about... not that there's anything else on your mind now!!! ;) They'll probably ask about their parents sometime and should know the full story age appropriate and I have confidence you'll do what you feel is right. I have the utmost confidence in you and your husband, respect for you for doing this and taking all three - not everyone would take on a chore like this, and it really is a win-win-win situation. For you, the kids and yes the bio-parents. Make that a win-win-win-win, since they didn't wind up in some shelter, orphanage or something. Really puts a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart. Good for you and all of you. So many things to do, so much fun too. Of course there'll be ups and downs but I can tell you'll do just fine and be one big happy family. My best to all of you!

Well today was my 33rd birthday and part of my family came up for the evening to watch the Huskers play football. My youngest sis came up early and helped us clean the house, which really needed it. I had to laugh at my sis that is prego with twins. She was going nuts that the cheese dip she made tasted weird, that something smelled bad in the living room and was so crabby. Boy am I glad that even though I am pregnant that first time around experiences early on are over. It seems that first pregnancy all that weird experiences play with your mind and you just know that you are right. I did ask DH and he said that yep I was that bad. It is just funny seeing someone else going through it especially after having gone through this 4 times. Stacie girlsingardens