gardenluv, I wasn't always this way, used to want things nice like other people, tried really hard on my limited resources to make it that way, made my own curtains, painted, worked, went to school to support us, etc. Now I don't care what the house looks like any more, and I escape with my flowers and photography. And the internet, ignore the not-so-nice ones and have met some wonderful people. My son isn't a bad person, has a stressful life, I am not at all demanding, give plenty of time, always thank him for every little thing he has done and mean it, but just gave it up and accepted my family the way they are. My sister who is very wealthy is ashamed of me, too. I can tell. Finally I even stood up to her about it in a nice way, said if my house was such a problem to everybody, they don't need to come here, can't stand the nagging to spend that much money I don't really have. She never had to struggle like I did and had a cleaning lady. My mother had a cleaning lady. My son has a cleaning person. I don't really want one but am going to have to accept some limited help. I can still clean quite a bit if I will motivate myself to do it and not try to do too much at once. My house is really pretty nice if all the repairs got made and in a nice location. I try to keep the outside looking nice soas not to alienate the neighbors; otherwise I don't care what they think either. The fight really started one day when I was feeling so happy about a beautiful rose, took a picture of it, one of my most beautiful photos ever, emailed it to my son. He shot back about my estate, that I won't make a plan, won't talk to his expensive lawyer, finally in my own defense explained to him that he can deduct it as a business expense; I can't. He's mad I won't let him manage my money (for good reason) and affairs, it made me very hurt and angry. Accused me of not caring about the grandchildren, how little he knows how stretched thin emotionally I am with all THEIR problems. I would never have badgered my father about his estate or said one word. Now I'm worried how to set it up because each one would just blow what my parents and grandparents worked so hard for. My main asset is one half of two small farms, the value is in the land, and selling them would be the ultimate defeat if I don't have to which I don't yet AFAIC. I do need to find an attorney and even know how to make my own will, did it once when facing surgery, but this is more complicated. I can clear some of it out myself and have some help lined up. I can't get all the expensive work done at once, and yes, I grab things for myself sometimes. I refuse to squander it all on myself because the lives some people lead don't appeal to me any more. And you know what? I'm going to get my beautiful iron ended yard bench boards replaced along with dealing with one expensive thing. That will make me feel better than any of the rest of it. My daughter had some of our beautiful family heirloom furniture, and brought them back when her house was foreclosed. Some of it is sitting in the living room because I don't have room for it, and I can't bear to part with some of it. My pianos I need to give up. That will hurt so I put it off. That will make more room. And I can organize my garden things better. I don't want to move but don't know if I should stay. I can't bear the thought of not having some room to grow my plants outside in the ground or I'd do like others. But I'm not them. Anyway, my son has done a couple nice things for me which I appreciated but wish I hadn't let him do it because he paid, and there is always a price I guess. He left me holding the bag with the rest of what he said he wanted to do, new gutters and new windows. So I just gave up. They don't owe me anything, and you have to learn to just accept them for what they are. I still love them, but it's not the same like when I fought to raise them. As to independent, it's a reaction to realizing how dependent and totally vulnerable I was after my divorce in the 70's and what it took to get men to help you. I wasn't willing to do what I saw other women doing to get a man, and I have made mistakes. I learned from them. So I had to pay and pay and got tired of it, and men will take advantage of you and your ignorance about doing things right, well I guess women will, too. I really got shafted a couple years ago when I paid a guy to help and my arbor fell over, did a terrible job. I was monitoring what he was doing until I got distracted by his wife and talking to his little girl. He took off for FL. So I'm going to make some tea and wait for my seeds lol. In spite of it all, I haven't lost my sense of humor at times. But writing about that jerked me back to reality. That's not the half of it, enough, others have it far worse, doesn't make me feel any better. It's beautiful out today, and makes me feel better just looking out the window and thank heaven for flowers and winter sowing; I'm having so much enjoyment from it and others here. I'm sorry you have to deal with parents being like that. It's not you. It's them. They should be ashamed of themselves. Not you. I think it very gracious of you to do what you are doing to keep what's left of the peace in your family. You have your priorities right where it really counts. And the rare ability to be able to understand what it's like for some people, not only me. Bless you!

I think the trim on the dress may be rayon,could be silk but it looks like the trim on my baby bonnet from 1942. Rayon was used a lot, I have some rayon bias tape that is from 1930's.It is a kind of twisted stuff, you can untwist the cord on the dress I think so made up of several strands & then sewn on with small stitches over the cord going in direction of the twist so they can't even be seen. The chiffon type fabric is used in doll clothes in late 1800's & early 1900's. Might talk to someone who collects old dolls & show them pics. They could probably identify all the materials used. Better check on those flour sacks before you wash them & find out value try "textiles", 'kitchen" "ADVERTISING"try that 1 1st. Different books & different sites call things by different names. Lovely gown. One idea would be to get photo of the wedding couple & add a piece of gown(taken from back so won't show) & put under glass around 1 side of photo along with another item if you have it,(piece of jewelry she wore- wedding announcement in paper, maybe bit of flour sack from 1 not in such great shape) use an acidfree piece of heavy stock to mount all this in a nice way to enjoy & put in frame fronted with glass. Hang near the gown. A letter would be nice with her handwriting. That way you would have a little bit of her still with you!! Jan

Myfampg, it was I who was referencing "always buying a gift" - and maybe if I explain further you'll understand. I was not talking about showers for close friends and family, but rather the constant onslaught that I went through in my twenties and thirties of showers for co-workers (held at work), neighbors, long-lost friends from high school. I'm talking about being invited to a shower for my boss' fiancee, whom I had barely met, and the least expensive thing on the registry was $150. I'm talking about the sense of entitlement that some people have regarding showers. I started to lose some of my happy feelings regarding showers the first time that I happily spent all of my "fun money" for the week on a bridal shower gift, and the bride to be (who still lived with her parents, by the way, and had few bills of her own), proceeded to complain about how she'd been hoping to get more, and of all of the things that she was still "going to have to buy" for their new house - said house being a wedding present from her parents. Apparently she was under the impression that getting married entitled her to a free start in life? I went to a shower once to hear one of the other guests, whose shower I had also been to, explain in all seriousness how she felt that everyone should get to have a five year anniversary shower because her sheets and towels were wearing thin. I found out years later that, at least here with some of the various ethnic groups, one of the reasons that I was invited to so many showers of people I barely knew was tradition. For some people here, for bridal showers hostess invites close friends and family only, except for never-married women - where hostess invites pretty much every never-married woman the bride knows. Apparently the theory is that then when I got married, I'd "get my turn" to do the same. I've got to say that this tradition would have been great if I'd gotten married at age twenty - but tends to become a bit pricey after twenty years of being invited to showers for next-door neighbors' niece whom I'd met twice. (Yes, I did have a small shower but only family and close friends of years standing.) So perhaps I am just jaded. I still love showers for friends or family, and I actually don't mind showers for new mothers who really need and will appreciate some help, even if I don't know the women all that well. But best believe that unfortunately there are plenty of women out there who are more than happy to receive a gift given out of "obligation".

So very pretty - especially since I know where a couple of them went and the babies they are keeping cozy.