Someone once said, children are like wildflowers, you never know what they will become.

Some flowers you like, some you don't. I imagine for some parents if it were ok to say they didn't like their child, they would say so. I certainly see some unlikeable children. Unlikeable adults also, for that matter.

We have been taught to love our kids no matter what and I think most parents try. It is very difficult at times. During those difficult times I think talking with a parent who is going through what you are, will remind you, it's not you, it's your child.

Rasing kids is much like being married. Both are very, very difficult at times.

Ginny

thank you Ginny. There is such wisdom and encouragement in your words.

Well, mine are not quite "done" yet(are they ever?), but, yes, I am happy with the results. All have earned their bachelor's degrees, one cume laude. They are 25-31. I was not sure about the middle one when he was in elementary and junior high. He was a wild one then, and is a sweet, shy, gentle young man now and the one who graduated with honors. But how I worried. I just wish he would find a wonderful young woman. Still looking. My oldest is our DD, and we always worried about her as she was somewhat shy and unsure of herself when she was younger. She is a delightful, pretty young woman and comfortable with herself. We are very close. She is engaged to marry a fine young man next summer. My youngest is our student---just loves learning. Finishing up his master's degree and applying to law schools. I see him teaching at the college level some day.

I remember worrying aloud to the male principal about my middle one. He assured me, "He will turn out just fine. He knows he is loved." And he was right.

And do let me clarify one point--though we love our kids, we disciplined them too so that they would develop good character and self discipline.

Keep at it. It does pay off. And be your kids' best example of a truly good person who knows how to enjoy life and how to work hard too.

Been lurking around this site and just have to say for the recored that I think most parents do "love" their children (or child) but at times not "like" them very much (espeically in those teen years when they know it all)......been there more than I care to admit.

I really like the person my DS is. At the moment he is a teenager. A skater to be exact. Complete with the baggy jeans hanging down his butt,studded earrings and a slightly ganster look. But thats only the outside. This young man will cry over a sad song, will hug his little sister is puplic and still calls me 'mommy'in front of his friends. He trapped and relocated rabbits from our backyard so we woulded have to kill them. Although his grades aren't straight 'A's, he can take apart, repair and put back together any mechanical object. At 14, he's working full time this summer and he gets glowing reports from his employer. Although his room can be condemmed at any moment now, he does the dishes, takes out the trash, mowes the lawns and babysits without a complaint. He has told me, more than once, that he would fight to the death before he lets anything happen to his sisters.
I know he will be a kind, caring and reliable adult. I know this because his older sister is one now.
Carol(Mommy)

Raising kids is like a roller coaster only you can't foresee all the twists and turns that lay ahead. Fortunately for us it's been a fun ride so far and there have been only a few really freakish moments.

Our 3 kids have been good kids, average to good grades, who helped us immensely on our midwestern farm. The older two were more studious in school than our youngest who is far more social. I think I see the social trend reversing as the older two get out on their own--they've developed some very close-as-family type friends. It was harder raising our daughter since she was young for her class and there are such social issues and hormones and sometimes girls can just be nasty to each other.

Our oldest is 23, out of college, has an excellent career job and recently purchased a condo in Seattle. Middle daughter will start her senior year of college and plans to go on to law school. Youngest is still in highschool.

I used to be a constant worrier about how they'd ever make it, but they've learned some valuable lessons from the experiences they had growing up and the mistakes they've made along the way. Sometimes it's the mistakes the kids make that upset the parents the most but those same mistakes turn out to be the most valuable & beneficial learning experience to the children. So take a deep breath, say and prayer and enjoy the journey.

The biggest mistake I see parents make is trying to be their kids friend. Kids have friends...they need parents! Parents that know how to balance discipline with love....unconditional love. It is not always easy to administer discipline with consistancy, but in the end it pays off. They learn values that they can learn no where else. Stay involved in their lives. They may be 6 or 9 today, but they will be graduating from HS tomarrow. Enjoy every minute you have with them...they grow up so fast!
Now I can't wait to be GRANDMA!

My job as a parent is partly to raise self suffient children that the rest of the world can tolerate. As far, so good. I also believe it is important to facilitate my children to become the people they want to be as opposed to impressing on them who I think they should be.

They are 13 and almost 15 and have very different temperments. I like them both. My son, the oldest, is sweet natured, kind, and very smart, but not very driven, so I have to light a fire under him from time to time. My daughter is focused on success in everything she does but sometimes lacks empathy, so I work on reminding her to think of others.

I encourage them both to do as much for themselves as they are able to do (as opposed to being the enslaved mom).

They have and I am quite pleased, my kids are 24, 26,& 28. They are kind, decent people. They have good jobs, take care of each other, are interesting and I love being with them. I didn't have much trouble with them as teenagers, it was actually one of my favorite times with them. It's very satisfying watching them grow and change, and become adults.

They aren't setting the world on fire, but they aren't burning it down, either!

I'm going to be a grandmother in 2 months - I can't wait, and I can't believe it. To see another generation in our family - I'm awestruck.

My oldest gave me the most trouble but somehow I am especially proud of him because he has overcome such adversity. At 21 he was in a near fatal accident that layed him up for a year in body casts. Crushed vertebrae, damaged kidney, cranial leakage and the list goes on.. He will be in pain for the rest of his life. But he can walk and he's alive. He's 28 now, has a job he likes and has started taking classes again. My entire family was brought closer thru this ordeal. I have 2 daughters, 22 and 24 who will graduate from college in December. I count all three of my kids as friends-and would like them as friends even if we weren't related. Each is different. I treasure every moment with them because you never know when it might end.

This Christmas my nearly 14yo son worked in my parent's shop for 2 days paid work. He went of his own choice in his own time to the shops and bought me a simple but lovely amythest sterling silver ring for a christmas present using his first pay.
What more could you ask for as a parent? such innate kindness, thoughtfullness and generosity of spirit.
My 13yo daughter... another kettle of fish. Born selfish, always has been! I am still constantly trying to make her aware that "no, she is not the centre of the universe!" LOL
So I guess it isn't the way you parent them!
Koala_Em

No way can a parent always like how they're kids are turning out. Kids can be horrendous. But those same kids really can end up ok, and you can end up with a good relationship. It can take awhile.

I dont know if anyone watches american Idol but that little cowboy kid is such a sweatheart, I want to contact his parents and ask their advice on how to raise my children so that they will turn out as nice as their boy!!!!

Mine are 14 and 19, and the greatest pleasure I have is watching them with other people. Neither of them is a 4.0 student or amazing athlete, but both are funny, poised, polite, and good company.

awbrey...he was adorable! I so wanted him to be able to hang in there longer! He must just pull at his mothers heartstrings, and just make her smile!

Are my children turning out as I'd hoped they would?
Well, let's make a list. (4 sons, ages 30, 28, 26, 18)

Responsible? Yes
Self supporting? Yes for the 3 older "kids".
Happy? 3 of the 4 are.
Personable? YES!
Law-abiding? Pretty much so. (minor run-ins with the law, no felonies. *S*)
Generous? Yes
Kind? Yes
Can they think for themselves? Yes
Are they supplying me with adorable grandchildren? 2 of the 4 are.

I've probably missed listing some important characteristics, but all in all, they've turned out as I'd hoped they would.

Even though it was some time ago, thanks for asking the question, BniceBkind, it made me stop and realize how lucky we've been.

I'm not sure *I* am turning out the way I had hoped! LOL. I only have one in that age group, and he's only 12. But I like him so far. I think I'll keep him.

I want a growth chart for the emotional/personality stuff. We have check ups with docs and dentists, eye exams, even before we think something is wrong. Even teachers conferences and standardized tests to tell us they are learning the academics they should be learning, or if intervention is needed.

So I think it would be very helpful to have check ups with a counselor of some sort. Not therapy exactly, just a set of questions, a test of sorts, to say yep, they are on the right track. To know that self confidence, responsibility, ambition, compassion... those sorts of qualities... are developing normally. It is so important to how kids turn out, but how do I know for sure it's happening along the way at the rate it should be??

I want that sort of check up. I'd rather their personality be straighened out that their teeth. But it's easier to find out their teeth are crooked. It's hard to be objective about the emotional stuff, so I need a chart.

I'm only half joking. If there is a chart, I seriously want it!

stephanie...me too!

I am enjoying your posts! I also wonder if parents whose children...I am possibly referring to parents of girls) know when their daughters are the girls at school that are so mean to other girls. Do you think they have a clue?

Bnicebkind,

I have found that the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree. The "mean" girls often have mother's with similar dispositions.

Thank you bnicebkind. It's good to hear that someone likes to see what I have to say. So I'll stick around.

Barnmom, I hope that is true! If my fruit falls close to my tree, my kids might be slobs, but they'll be nice people. I want them to be open-minded, to put their responsibilities a little ahead of their rights, to like themselves.

Sometimes I have a "parenting moment" when I come out of it thinking "I'm good! That went SO well!" and really feel like I did the right thing, even if I've got a mad kid for a while. But often I feel like I'm rolling the dice, hoping for the best, and just have to wait and see if it's really working.

I found that it was easier to say "Yes" to this question when my kids were little (14 and younger) or older (25 or so) then that middle ground. Those were the tough years and I truely had times I didn't like my kids much . Oh I'm not saying I didn't always love my kids, TROUBLE times and all (and I did mean to capitolise the word T R O U B L E) but I didn't always like them. I didn't like thier choice is friends, language, music..etc. BUT I also knew that I had to show my opinion on these and then let them make their choices so they could grow up into their own person.

Each of my children (19, 21 and 25) has personality traits that to this day I really do not like. Smoking, "better than you", secretitiveness, etc. But I cannot control them, so I have to accept and go on.

Vickey-MN