Estrangement from adult child
18 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (166)
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
Related Discussions
How to PREVENT an estrangement
Comments (44)Sirens~ There are no guarantees in life. Even if you did everything right for your children, they may still find dissatisfaction with you. For me personally, my estranged adult child chose not to address the issue/issues we had. I had to come to the realization that the real issue was her own anger. Somehow I just didn't measure up! Up to this point, I thought myself an excellent mother. Now I know that I overindulged my daughter. I never said, "no". She never appreciated my efforts/sacrifices. I made life way too easy for her. I paved the way and made sure that she did not have anything to worry about. And this I believe is the source of her anger. I stole her character from her. Really, in the end, it is a parents' job to instill character. The only way to do that is to let them earn their way. Never hand anything over to your children without some effort on their part. They will appreciate it later in life. I can't go back. And the future looks bleak. And so I have to accept what is. Maybe one day she will face her anger and direct it toward her own cleansing. Who knows? Just my opinon....See MoreEstranged from your child.....part II
Comments (7)(Tried to post to the first one, i.e., "Part I" - all full - SO GLAD for this "Part II" - how I NEED to post this NOW, and GET IT OFF MY CHEST, so here goes...!!!) Oh wow, this is so true for me. My 22 and 18 yr. old daughters are close with one another and their dad, who lets them do AND say whatever they want and who has a larger house so they naturally both wanted to live with him after the divorce 12 years ago. Now that they are both adults, not only is the older one estranged from me (she and I never got along well, so it's no big surprise), but the younger one, a new adult as of Jan. '09, with whom I used to be very close from her birth to about age 14, is nearing that now. Their dad basically "emotionally kidnapped" both of them - he speaks condescendingly to me whenever I stop by and they learned it from him!! He is their "hero," as they can do no wrong in his eyes, or he in their eyes - it is always "party time" at his house, so why wouldn't they favor him? Yet he has done them a great disservice. I can't do anything about it. Yet I did everything for them, all the "dirty work" thru' the years, from diapers and bottles to providing financial security for their educations and other basic needs - both work part-time, but they sure need additional funds, so they really have taken advantage of me - one is in a design trade school, the other will attend a state university in the fall to study veterinary medicine. Their studies may seem great - but what am I left with for all my blood, sweat and toil?! Very little at all!! IÂve even had to help them with a few legal issues like an "almost DUI" when my younger one was a minor (age 17), and a couple of moving violations. My younger one was somewhat friendly to my 2nd husband (whom I married in 2002) in recent years, before she hit 18; but now, neither one of them shows the slightest interest in him or inclination to be friendly to him at all, despite knowing I am close with him and he has done a lot to make my life better in terms of companionship etc., plus the fact that he has tried to be friendly to them when there has been an opportunity. But his and my lives and activities (work, hobbies, etc.) mean nothing to them. The last 4 or 5 Mother's Days when we have gotten together, they have made little "time slots" for me, quickly giving me gifts such as bath products (oh wow), eating lunch "on the fly," and then saying "gotta go - see ya." THIS Mother's Day - I don't even think there will be any get together because I can't take the one-sidedness any longer - i.e., the totally one-way effort. Bottom line: I somehow must come to grips w/ this and somehow get to where I'm at peace w/ it. Thank you for your site, and I hope someone reads this post  I also empathize with all of you who are in the same Âboat that I am. Thanks for reading this, if you do. Here is a link that might be useful: Home of Nina Beck and All Key'd Up Musical Groups...See Moreestrangement from adult children
Comments (93)Wow! I thought my son was bad but still ... I can relate on some level to these comments and stories. I always say no one can break your heart like your own child. It's a different kind of heartbreak that slices through to your soul. My son is a good young man but man oh man is he stubborn. Stubborn to the point it's heartbreaking. Just got off the phone with him asking what are his plans for the future. His response was, "You know, I am not going to talk to you because you just disrespected and insulted me." I'm thinking, "How on earth is asking what your future plans are disrespecting and insulting?" He just doesn't want to plan a future, no goal, no college, nothing. Next he'll go on silence for a while. Mind you, he was married a little over a year ago, New Year's Eve 2013. After I told him he's too young at 25. Young in terms of not planning a future. He went and married anyways to prove me wrong. Well, I was right, now he's going through a divorce. His wife is divorcing for the same reason I am questioning him ... no ambition. But he can't see the ocean because of the waves. My son is an only child who has had the best life. Better than all his cousins by a long shot but he can't see this either. He complains and blames. For what?! I have no idea. I made his life so comfortable. Yes, it is narcissism. He feels he doesn't have to do anything. Both his father and I, who never married are products of education. We both pursued college degrees and entered the workforce. His father was never really a part of his life but he sent monetary support. Me, I was the sole breadwinner with a nice career that I grew tired of and now back in college to make a career change. So I have no idea how to motivate him and at times feel I am at fault. Thank you oilpainter for your words, " Their actions are THEIRS not yours, and it does not mean you have no value." I was struggling a bit after the phone call till I read your words. Maybe it's me and my expectations. Well, I'm going to heed the words I've lived with all my life that have served me well - If you don't know what to do then pray. And I'm going to speak with a therapist. I need some counseling. One child, two children, three children ... it doesn't matter. I have one and it's just as hard....See MoreRe: Estranged from Adult child & Parents lulusue
Comments (10)WOW- what to hear what the "other side" says about us on this side? It's amazing how someone who states we should welcome their advice (even though they are not and have never) been in our shoes speaks about our posts... Over in the "singles" section is a place where adult children estranged from their parents has someone who posts here and there actively making fun of our heart felt emotions. I was amazed. One person said "they say they (us) didn't do anything wrong unless they loved to much" and goes on -how ridiculous we are to "think that." I really do not understand how people post deliberate painful words-taken out of context and then expect people to listen to their "words of advice." Or to take our post once again out of context and subject them to ridicule... This is not high school for me-a competition- or certainly a way to expose something so precious to me-to anyone's hateful remarks. Many of us are women who are hurting and personally I just can't imagine someone would posts our remarks in such a way to inflict more pain upon us...Wow- I guess I'm through- That is just too much for me. I'm hope you all have a good Christmas-take care everyone and Thank you for all the support you have so freely given. I really appreciate your kind words, and believe me I've hung on to them all. stray...See More- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 17 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 16 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 15 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 14 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 14 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 13 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 13 years agolast modified: 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
- 10 years ago
Related Stories

ROOM OF THE DAYRoom of the Day: A Bright, Colorful Playroom for Kids and Adults
Fun colors mix with sophisticated furnishings and finishes to create an addition suitable for child’s play and adult relaxation
Full Story
KIDS’ SPACESHow to Ditch the Pink in a Child’s Bedroom
Avoid a Pepto-Bismol pandemic with these 6 smart ways to bring more vibrant color and pattern to a kids’ bedroom
Full Story
DECORATING GUIDESReboot Your Child’s Room for Back-to-School Time
Give a preschooler to teen a room that’s more age appropriate, fun or to their taste
Full Story
KIDS’ SPACESSingle Design Moves That Can Transform a Child’s Room
Your children are unique and special. Why not give them a room to match?
Full Story
KIDS’ SPACESGuest Picks: Creating a Child's Room to Last
Solid wood and streamlined shapes make these 20 furnishings work from boyhood through teens
Full Story
OUTBUILDINGSAdults Allowed: A Poolside Playhouse Makes Room for All
Sprightly but not saccharine, this adaptable backyard structure is equally at home with the grandkids and the grown-ups
Full Story
PRODUCT PICKSGuest Picks: Beautiful Wallpaper to Grow With a Child
These lighthearted papers will last from babyhood to beyond the teenage years — and they appeal to grown-up eyes too
Full Story
BATHROOM DESIGNRoom of the Day: Kids and Adults Share a Bright 40-Square-Foot Bathroom
Splashes of lime green add a playful touch to this efficient and economical second bath
Full Story
TREE HOUSESTour a Fantastical Tree House for Kids and Adults Too
For an architect and a master woodworker, a magical tree house answers the question, ‘What would you do if you could do anything?’
Full Story
Sponsored
Fairfax County's Specialized, Comprehensive Renovations Firm
rmongoose