> If that were true, why haven't you spoken with the spouses of all those other people you know how are being deceitful with their families (thinking maybe you need a different group of friends)? They're mostly family I couldn't control, and they already have children and thus I would potentially be hurting innocent victims (which isn't to say the kids wouldn't be better off if their parents split, only that I don't want to be the instigator. And really, in the most egregrious example, I'm pretty sure the cheatee is fairly close to figuring it out by now without my help. It's up to them to decide how to proceed. And in all of these cases, it just doesn't involve me, and there are shades of grey I didn't see in the first one. If I really was as obsessed with seeking revenge as you want to think, I would used those email messages to get *him* fired, rather than inform his wife but take no action directly against him. If I really was after him, I could have easily exposed him and made him look terrible to his clients and to the company. I didn't. > In addition, you said you did have an opportunity to talk to the wife face-to-face at the party, but chose not to do so. Will you now say that you just didn't want to ruin the party for her? That is correct. Causing a scene at a party wouldn't be tactful, could humiliate her in front of a crowd, and obviously would implicate me as the whistleblower which for reasons previously mentioned I wanted to avoid. I wasn't out to ruin the party for her. I wasn't out to ruin anything or anyone. I wanted her to know the truth, and I did so in a way that didn't embarrass Bob in front of his colleagues, much less cost him his job, both of which I could have done if I was as mean-spirited as some of you want to think I am. I didn't. Bob got to keep his job - I didn't divulge his beliefs and writings to his company or his clients. I didn't divulge anything about his personal life to anyone at work either. I chose to inform only one person who was being hurt, and did so quietly. I'm not attempting to put you to my defense - I feel more than able to defend myself. There's not much more I can say and I know many of you will never agree with my reasoning or support how I responded. I'm not sure I wouldn't support what I did either if it were a hypothetical case that someone mentioned on an internet web forum. But for me it wasn't a hypothetical case, and real people I knew were involved, and I had to make decisions in real time, and I had to do things that I don't normally like to do to achieve what I thought to be an acceptable outcome. I understand why many of you find my actions to have been unethical or wrongheaded - I understand, but don't happen to agree. Maybe I should track this woman down and get her take, online if not in person. I am confident she'd be very glad I decided it was ethically correct not to keep mum, but rather to save her from unwittingly living a lie. As far as I'm concerned, that would be all the vindication and good karma I would ever need.

My late husband predicted I would go through a very tough time with his family when he passed, and believe me they have not disappointed.Before he died we set up a trust to be inherited by all five children when I die, but I am having second thoughts about maintaining it. My SD knows about the trust, but since there is no money NOW she's not interested in hearing about it. I am beginning to worry, given her violent rantings. I have already given boxes and boxes of items to my step son, as well as his dad's jewelry. He isn't telling his family because he doesn't want them jumping on him, so I am basically being fed to the sharks. I think the SD is upset with him because his father had a very small bank acct. for him from childhood. What my SD doesn't know is that from the insurance money I received I had to payback $17K for a college loan her father had taken for her. She seems to be under the impression that we had that kind of money in the bank, and she has no idea about the loan. I would have liked to pay off his car, but had to pay the loan instead. I had also packed up all of the things I was giving to her but when I couldn't be home at the moment she wanted to pick them up she began verbally abusing me. During a two hour period (I was on my first outing since he died)she called my cell phone approx. 40 times trying to get me to come home to give her what I had packed up. I had volunteered to leave them with her brother or outside the garage (it's a very private neighborhood and I knew they would be safe), but she declined both of these ideas, and I still don't know why. I have tried talking with her..asking what she would like to see happen etc., but she just screams obscenities and degrades me with name calling. During her last phone call she kept screaming at me about how she and her brother just want to be done with me and have me out of their lives for good. I am willing to do this with her, but after speaking with my SS he declares it is not what he wants. He doesn't want to suffer her wrath or his mom's so I doubt he will stand up to them and tell them about any of the things I have done for him since his dad passed. The most frustrating part of all of this is the lies and delusions the SD is spreading. I feel like she is trying to bully me by this abusive behavior.

Why did I turn to this forum when I couldn't think straight on Friday? Why come here for help and advice instead of simply relying on friends and family? Because the majority of people here have either undertaken kitchen remodels or are in the midst of one right now. They have firsthand knowledge and experience and can best relate to all the attendant issues. Also, having people who were familiar with the details of my project from its outset, yet are not personally connected to its outcome, provided me with great perspective. I can't express how grateful I am to everyone for helping me work through this. I intend for this to be my last post to this thread. With the decision to stay on with my KD and her crew I think it has run its course. I know my decision to stay with them will never set right with some, and I get that. To close the circle I will wrap up with giving you our reasons. Maybe some part of this can help someone else along the way. The big problem has been poor communication - and that's something that can be resolved. This isn't a case where we discovered shoddy work, crew not showing up or cutting corners on materials. This is a case where well-meaning and hardworking people in a small operation over extended themselves. It became a Murphy's Law situation when they went into the big job on the historic home. The timing on all their jobs was compromised by that. That is the point - in June - when we should have been called to discuss how it impacted our job. I took KD's inattentive and evasive behavior as a sign that we were not important customers. After hearing how she was when DH went to her office on Friday I believe it was quite the opposite. I think she felt so bad about letting down "good people" that she found it hard to face the facts that it wasn't going to happen for us this summer and tell us that. That wasn't professional and some would, justifiably, find that reason to cut ties. But in this case, with the history of good work and goodwill behind this firm, we accept that mistakes made and believe they will not happen again. Lastly, my world view has shifted with age. I nursed my Mom for 2 years when she was stricken with Alzheimer's dementia until she passed last Fall. The unfairness we've suffered by this delay doesn't hold a candle to the unfairness that life sometimes brings to people through no fault of their own. In the big scheme, this really is a bump in the road. Having settled down and gained perspective over the weekend I feel comfortable with the decision we're making to stay the course with this project and cannot wait to share good results.

Referring back to liberties taken with Shakespeare works, I must share my Saturday night experience. DH and I have season tickets to a wonderful local playhouse. They do one Shakespeare play a season, and I look forward to it every year. This year the selection was "Hamlet." I opened the program to read that they had opted to make changes to the play in the hopes of drawing a more youthful crowd. They shortened it considerably, the play was done in only 90 minutes. This didn't bother me nearly so much as other choices which annoyed me to no end. I will mention just a few. Hamlet and Horatio conversed using cell phones. Hamlet and Ophelia danced. How did they listen to the music you might ask. Well, they each took an ear bud from the headphones of Ophelia's iPod of course. The play within the play was a movie shown on a big screen and Claudius' reaction was video taped. Laertes also brought a gun to revenge his father's death. All these modern touches seemed so out of place against the traditional language. Are these modern inclusions necessary if we want our youth to appreciate these plays? I managed to foster a fondness for the works of Shakespeare by reading them and seeing them performed traditionally. Certainly, it's hard work to parse the text, interpret the meaning, appreciate the subtlety and humor in what can be unfamiliar language, but does dropping an iPod into the equation mean teenagers will suddenly feel the relevance and begin to flock to Shakespeare? What function do these anachronisms really serve? Maybe I am being grumpy at not seeing the play I was expecting. Maybe someone here can offer an insight on the production manager's motives I might have missed while in my snit. Or would you also have been annoyed?