I have a very similar problem -- my son lives at home, sleeps much of the day away, and does very little to help around the home. Although, he is a sophomore in college and so far has maintained good grades despite what I think is excessive use of weed and not sure what other kinds of partying. He has minimal interest in me, his other family, or doing much except his studying and going out with friends. He is moody and very difficult to talk with about most anything. I am a single mom and I am supporting him through college except that he gets tuition paid because of his good grades so far. He did not live at home his freshman year, now he is home and I am saving money by not having to pay room and board. Yet, I see him in so much of what you all are saying. He contends that he cannot work part time because of his school load, but has made no effort to see if there is any work on campus or anyplace he could work. In the summer he found a short term job, yet put no effort into finding work after that. Many of the suggestions here are so helpful. I need to make it uncomfortable for him to live here unless he contributes. He seems to have minimal desire to change or make anything of his life. Getting through school seems to be his validation for doing little else. I do not like having to deal with the anger, name calling, put downs against me when I ask him to do chores and contribute to the home. It's difficult. Both my own guilt and he can be surly and very mean. Looking for more ideas and suggestions. My first attempt will be to require chores for spending money. It will likely not go well. There will be a barrage of insults hurled at me. Yet, I need to make a stand for us both. I have a brother who is still living off of our parents at 50 years old. I do not want this to happen. I want him to make something of his life. ellabright

Noellebelle, what a cute story about your children. How sweet of you to include them in your projects. I'm thinking the daddy in the mix of home stuff is definitely a sign she's thinking of her Daddy while he's away. Too cute. Love that your son helped with the jelly bean projects by mostly eating them. I'd be right there with him on that one. :^D

I said reprimand because, my hunny, told her that was rude and disrespectful and things of the like--and I didn't want him to do that at all--...I felt crushed...and I posted this...but she and I talked on the phone later that day and said she still loved me and that she was just being sill..... But this is still alarming to me..... ALSO Bio-Mom lives in a whole different state, pregnant with another kid-by another man, and only send 120 dollars a month for her 2 kids...she picks them up and drops them when she doesnt want to care for them or she is fed up being with them. But I am not trying to compete with her...i respect her as their mom...I just wished I got the respect I deserved too... personally if I wasn't with my children...and I knew there was another female around my children...I would assure to be nice to her because she's the one giving them the maternal needs I can't for whatever the reason or excuse may be for my absence. Thanks ladies for your kind words... IMAMOMMY::::::::: thank you...i appreciate that you took the time to reply and definitely being a stepmommy is not for the faint hearted. Also, the worst thing I have done is say No candy before dinner, but it doesn't get worse than that...i cant be mean to children...I am a future elementary teacher, a daycare assistant and I believe children should be treated like glass especially if they are not related to me. MOM2EMALL::::::::: thanks as well for replying to me....no my skiddies are with the daddy full time and she lives out of the state...shes like your skiddies bio-mom...she wont call for a length of time and then she'll remember that she had 2 babies... SILVERSWORD:::::::: I love your response...I think this is what I needed to read....being a friend/sm is harder..... my skiddies have not said I am not their mom...yet...but I must brace myself bc there will be a day..I know it....its only natural...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING THAT LAST PARAGRAPH---IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME...:)

cdngirl: I just read back through canine's post "BF has child, I have none-help with nerves" and saw your message: > My BF is amazing, and I told him thatI didn't want to meet his son unless he was "ring-on-the-finger" serious. That was only 6 weeks ago, but then we are in our late 30's and both about to finalize divorces, so if he's sure..I know I am... Er...please don't be offended, but this sounds rather ill-advised. Both the not-meeting-the-kid, and the deciding-to-get-married-after-6-weeks. The thing is, this may sound kind of old fashioned but when you marry somebody, you're marrying their situation and you're marrying their whole family. Including the problems. Especially the problems. > this could be the big "test" though...what do you think? I think that's a contender for understatement of the year. The younger the kid is when a step parent waltzes on to the scene, the easier it is for the step. At 3 or 4, the kid's still young enough to be easily disciplined, and I've read that even up to age 5 or so children often bond very well with the step. At 1 or 2, the kid will probably see no diff between the step and the real parent -- depending on the specifics of the situation of course. My 3 year old SS was a cakewalk -- my 9 year old SD and 13 year old SS on the other hand were not cakewalks. My advice to you: * do background research on the web about the sorts of behaviors that you can expect from kids post-divorce, and entering into a step situation. * ask your SO what sorts of things his kid is interested in, and do research into that -- not necessarily to cram fun down his throat, but to have points of reference -- and to find out if his personality is drastically different than yours. If you think it doesn't matter, check out mom-2-4's posts. * Ask your SO ALL about his SS, particularly if he has any wacky kinds of personality traits -- gird your loins. Before somebody jumps down my throat, either my partner failed to mention it, or she did and I just plain forgot when I met her, but my SD tends to lie. Quite a lot. I can understand it, knowing the family situation she's in with her BD, but I wasn't aware of it when we met, which lead to...situations. * even with the 3 above points, try to give the kid the benefit of the doubt, because kids are perceptive and kids are smart. They just lack vocab, and social embarrasment/guilt. * DON'T GET MARRIED RIGHT AWAY. Kids in a step or divorce situation are on a slow timescale. I would personally give it 2 years of constant contact, before you really know where you stand, but don't do anything for at least 6 months. My advice, anyway. As far as what do 10 year olds like to do -- try Warhammer, D&D, playing catch (baseball & frisbee), amusement parks, miniature golf, having books recommended to them (Henry Reed, My Side of the Mountain, House with the Clock in its Walls, 3 Investigators), watching cartoons, watching shoot-em-up sci fi (best of all -- Aliens 2), playing video games, riding bikes, going hiking. Or at least, that's what *I* liked at 10.