DH and I have been married almost 50 years. We work on our marriage and our partnership, but also on ourselves, so we can be two individuals that choose to stay together. Find what you and your DH like to do together - then find what you like to do for yourself. You certainly know how to put together a wedding, and you seem to like doing that. One idea, go with that and see if you can make a business out of that.

Arrrrgh! You're so right, Minnie. Time to plan our Christmas card designs, gifts to make, cookies to bake....

xnightowl, "The Naked Butt," picture is one of our favorites! It brings a smile to my face and I'm looking forward to, years and years from now, showing it off to his dates. We are closer to Brookhurst and Banning(The last light before PCH),so we are only a couple of miles from where you used ot live. I have a friend who lives in the neighborhood behind the north-east corner of Brookhurst and Adams. Our pool is probably in the low seventies on most days now, but it is a full southern exposure and is exposed to the sun all day long. Because our pool is so small, probably 10 - 12 thousand gallons, it only takes a couple of hours to heat to the mid 80's, and another hour or so to reach 90. Remembering from last year, I don't think our most expensive gas bill ever went over $120.00 or so. And since we used to have an older pool with old equipment, everthing seems to be much more efficient! Our electric bill on the other hand is really expensive. We don't have air conditioning, just ceiling fans, and our bill is regularly 300.00 a month. OUCH! Have a great summer and enoy your pool, Mike

OK, you guys are awesome. I couldn't even read the posts until now because I would start to cry again. Isn't that silly? I usually have more perspective than this. I think my extended family (parents, siblings, etc.) has been more upset over how long this has taken than me. They seem to get mad at me that I haven't gotten madder before now, it has been driving them crazy and they don't even live here. :) But that is why I feel guilty about it. My job usually gives me perspective. I tear up a little sometimes when I am sitting with a dying patient, when I am hugging the family after pronouncing a patient that has just died and telling them their loved one is really gone, or talking to someone that just received a very grave diagnosis. I try to wait until the ride home to cry when I loose a patient I have come to know over weeks, months, or even years. But I don't usually cry over kitchens. My awesome brother who helps everyone, used to go to get a Christmas tree with me every year and bring a gas powered chain saw to cut it down. One year while I was looking for the "perfect" tree, he cut down Christmas trees for all the elderly and single women trying to do it themselves that he could find. When I called to him that I had it, "the" tree, he pulled the chain and pulled the chain. He was out of gas! He borrowed a hand saw and cut MY tree down by hand. But he still went back with me the next year. :) So when I needed a tree in my front yard cut down, he offered to do it. That day he said, you know I am going to do my best, but I usually only do my own because there is no gaurantee this tree won't land on your house. My brother rarely does less than a good job on anything, but darn it, didn't that tree land on the house. I stood and couldn't do anything becuase I was laughing so hard. When I could talk again I said, well you get what you pay for sometimes! Anyway, the moral of my story is that despite having good intentions and a good heart and doing your best, sometimes s**t happens. No matter how hard you try, no one promises life will be easy or fair. Besides, while I have been doing a "budget" remodel of the kitchen and livingroom for 20,000.00, many people can't afford to remodel at all, or are trying to do on much less, so I am actually pretty fortunate. You all have made me feel so much better! I am not used to being the one getting the hugs and support, I usually give them and I do so appreciate it. Now I need to suck it up and I will take a trip out to buy a great big umbrella to go over my patio table so I can enjoy the heat wave that is supposed to come later this week and get out of this darned mess! I just wish I felt happier about going out to do it. Maybe I will when I see out there and sit down under it to have lunch. Sue