Make sure the garage door is open *before* you put the brand new van in reverse. But if you do forget, you should mention it to your DH *before* he goes out to put the new lisence plates on the new van and notices it for himself.

I'm just sayin'..

When backing my car out of the garage and down the driveway, don't take my eyes off the driver's side mirror. I slightly scratched my brand new car last week.

liz GA

I'd have thought that friend cat might have learned a lesson - never to do that again!

ole joyful

I am going to love reading this one. I have so many that I have to stop and think about this.

Oh no stephanie Ga,I did that one so dont feel bad,I knocked the garage door off the track,and fixed it before hubby got home....

Just one? Wow, I have many...I will have to think about which one I want to share. LOL

Don't lay your brand new sunglasses down for "just a minute", on the stairs to the house... and then forget they are there, and step on them, and break them...

Yup, been there, done that

Moni

Giving my dog a treat after going potty outside. Now at 3am he drags me out of my warm bed, has me open the door, then quickly runs outside and back in without doing anything. Then he goes to the fridge and waits for the treat.

I think he may have me trained.

I never wore rubber gloves, respirators, long sleeves when using chemicals.. etc.....

Never stand behind a cow when it coughs.

Ron

From any parent---My Child would never do------------that!!
From any senior citizen--My Children never did________that!!
From a person driving on snow and ice I did not think the car could spin like that_________________
From a wife driving with a husband in the same car------No I am NOT driving too close to that car.
And finally--from the wife or husband --I will be just a minute, just wait in the car.

Never to try to move three sheets of drywall barefoot.

Never make meringues (which you leave in the oven overnight) and preheat the oven for biscuits the next morning.

Never take anything for granted.

Never make assumptions.

The last two are still a work in progress, but I'm trying!

Fly and board cruise ship on the same day.

Hmm...this could be a fun thread!

Never wait to get my birth certificate ready the night before cruise (might not be where it is supposed to be)

Same for airline tickets (different trip-they were in the recycling bin?)

Never leave a plate of meatballs on the counter unattended while I go in the garage for 30 minutes (I have a big hungry dog)

Never volunteer to be DS's substitute buddy for karate (tore my ACL that day)

Remember to watch my surroundings-one day at CVS they apparently emptied an an endcap that usually has soda 12pks on it. The only thing remaining was a raised metal platform about 6 inches tall. I came out of one aisle to go to the next and walked into it falling over it and landing on the other side with a loud BANG!! Manager came running and I assured him I was fine. Actually my foot hurt a little but I was too embarrassed to admit that. I scurried away to pick up one more thing before checking out. Came back down that same aisle a couple of minutes later and did the same thing AGAIN!!!...with another loud bang. I left my stuff and fled before the manager came back. I'm sure they must have thought I was on something!!

Use liquid dish soap in the dishwasher.

Trish

Hike up the slickrock without hiking shoes...

these are good...keep'm comin! I'm pretty bullheaded and it takes me upteen times to learn something...but the cattail in the coffee table drawer was a one time deal!

Never leave a long waited for pop tart within the dog's reach while you go to the bathroom.

Never leave out the tranny cooler when building a demo derby car. (coulda shoulda arrrrrgh)

Never open your mouth when "body surfing" the river rapids.

Never mistake a newly cut logging road in the snow in a remote area for a driveway. Be sure, be verrry verrry sure.

Do not try to walk through Izzi's tie out lead or you will fall! I have done this twice because it is very small and hard to see. My cheek still hurts form falling on the concrete porch a year ago. I hope I don't do that again.

Sue

Don't try to put down a kitchen floor (one big sheet of vinyl) yourself.
Don't buy anything that takes a vet. (After a dental bill and vet bill for horses that almost hit $400!)

Don't switch the dog's food because the other brand is cheaper.
What is that smell??? LOL...

How about an "Always" ...look at the theatre tickets when going to a play and you have theatre choices. If you don't you may go to the wrong theatre (for a very expensive play)...and have to race across town (USUALLY a 30-40 minute drive) going from 30 minutes early to just barely on time. BUT WE MADE IT (your friends will never let you forget it for any other play either)

VIckey-MN

1. Never warm up leftovers in the microwave for 80 minutes.
2. When giving your manager a tour of the kitchen, never crouch down to pick something off the floor and rip a big hole in your pants by catching them on the edge of a metal sink that's suspended off the wall.
3. Never take your 3-year-old to a public rest room. This way you'll never have an audience in case she loudly proclaims "Mommy! You've got a beard on your tummy!".

One I never seem to learn is to wait until someone else is home to help before trying to move heavy objects or furniture. I've dropped a desk on my big toe and broken the toe, gouged the walls, scraped the sidewalks, and ended up bruised and battered because I want it done NOW!

Never leave the Thanksgiving turkey in the oven overnight with the oven set on 500 degrees. They turn a beautiful black. It's also lots of fun calling all the grocery stores at six in the morning trying to find a fresh turkey for the 12 guests who are arriving at 1:30 for a big turkey dinner!

Never take the advice to nap while your 3-year-old naps.

Ring! Ring!

Me: "Hello?"

Neighbor: "Sue, did you tell your son he could come over to our house to play? He's in his stocking feet."

Wash the walls at Ken's house. I take care of an old man who is a terrible smoker. His walls are painted yellow, but the cigarette smoke has made it much worse. I wash the woodwork, but not the walls. I did once and it took me days to get it finished and even looking.

Don't transfer a lovely aspic salad onto the serving plate....over a sink full of dishwater. Check where the cat is before opening the hidabed (poor Ollie lost about three inches of tail that time)

Don't carry a large purse when going to police station to pay a fine. Officer dismissed my fine, and when I turned to walk out there was a 50 cup pot of coffee on desk and my purse knocked it to the floor. Last I heard was him telling me to get out of there. I had taken a friend with me because I was so scared to go. When we got back in my car, I could hardly drive the car home.That happened over 40 years ago and we still laugh when we remember.

When stargazing at night, when you decide to run back into the house for a minute, never keep looking at the giant screen door while walking full speed ahead thinking 'I'd swear I shut that door'-it just may be invisible in certain lighting conditions. It will come off the frame and also bend if you never even slow down!

Do not assume that because your tickets say the plane leaves for Maui at 9:30 a.m. it hasn't been changed in the interim to leave at 8:45 a.m. -- from the farthest gate at O'Hare. (These days we get emails about tix changes, which is a good thing since I can't run that fast or that far anymore.)

When you drive into the city from the suburbs and park in a parking garage while you go to the theater, check to see that the garage will still be open when the play is over.

If the garage is closed, especially one where the attendant parks your car and keeps your keys (which are on the same keyring with your house keys) you will take the last train home and have to get your locks changed, as well as going back downtown the next day to collect your car. Corollary: Keep your car ingition key separate from your other keys. If you have a garage door opening device take it with you or disable one that's internal to the car.

Never say "go go go" to a pup you don't want bothering you who is being trained to "go pee" on command.

Happened to my DD's friend when they were teens. She said "go go" trying to shoo Max away. Well he went alright.....right on her brand new boots. LOL

Never go to the market if you don't notice the dog just came in the house before you shut the door to leave. Especially if she just had a new litter of puppies in the doghouse outside. When you come home you will find every drape in your house torn down and ripped, your lamps will be on the floor and your doors will be scratched. The story continues...

If you find out that your home insurance covers this, don't take the money and buy a racehorse at auction, that your best friend says she can break and will be a great trailhorse.

Do not go outside in your ragged faded gown, and without shoes, and in cold weather, unless you are sure at least one door or window is unlocked. I had just moved to a rural location and the nearest neighbor was quite a walk away.

Cold hands, cold feet, cold hiney, hard rocks, barking dogs, were nothing compared to the embarrassment.
Guess how many keys are hidden outside now.

Soxxx
Did that one too, in winter. I live on a farm, was walking the dog wearing a robe and hoodie and heard the door slam shut behind me. No problem, I know where the key is hidden, make that where it WAS hidden. DH lost it the week before and never replaced it.
Luckily the farm truck had the keys in the ignition. I went to my brothers house, which was unoccupied, thinking at least I can get to the phone. I could break a window if I had to (single pane divided light, easier to replace) but lo and behold they never locked the door when they left the last time!
DH had to leave work, drive an hour to let me in.
I was just a little mad!

Just because someone appears to be talking, doesnÂt mean they are talking to me. They could be wearing a Bluetooth wireless headset and be talking to someone on their cell phone. (see below) Oops!

Here is a link that might be useful: Funny Commercial

Make sure there is a bowl under that strainer set in the sink before pouring your wonderful broth straight down the drain. A strainer full of boiled carcass bones and spent vegetables is kind of depressing.

If you have pets, children - or a husband ;) - do NOT pick up anything from the floor to see what it is. If you can't make an I.D. without touching it, most likely you won't be happy to have it in your hand when you finally realize what it is. Ewwwwwwww! Similarly, if a young child hands you something, it is assuredly not something that you really want. Ewwww again!

And one last one. If you are in a meeting and a person gets excited and starts talking loudly, and their gum pops out of their mouth and lands in their beard (both of which the shouter seems obvlious about), do NOT snort loudly then laugh hysterically. What, are you SIX? Apparently, I am :)

ROFLMBO attcha, Dances! Girl, I've sure missed you!

When your DD is an attorney in her first case involving a jury , do not assume that you can hurry up and leave to go to the restroom using the same door that the jury does. I'm just sayin'.....

That happened in the morning. Not EVEN gonna tell you what I did in the AFTERNOON!!! LOL

Alrighty YA YA...splain what happened in the afternoon...Don't leave me hanging...

To the rest of you...It sure is wonderful to be amongst the lamebrained...

another for me...don't put the milk under the sink and the dishsoap in the frig...Your hubster will surely be the one who finds it and will NEVER let you forget it!

LOL Well, in the afternoon I had my DD's phone with me because I had used it to make a call while we were running down the street to get back into the courthouse. She went on in and I finished my call. I assumed (you know what the first three letters of THAT word are....) that she had put it on vibrate before she handed it to me. You guessed it - right in the middle of the testamonies it rang. The baliff came over to me (again!) and said, "Ma'am, you've got to turn that phone off!" I funbled for a minute, then told him that I didn't know how, handed it to him and he switched it off. Court proceedings stopped until all of this was over with.... Sigh.

When you're sitting down on the third stair step from the bottom, don't forget that you're not on the bottom. I got up quickly and ended up with one heck of a sprained ankle!!!