Random thoughts, Violet.West, My personal take is that the primary reason people did not care for the home posted is that is it not currently on trend. I link below to the current issue of AD, which I have only perused briefly, for comparison. I think of the layered look as very Mario Buatta, and befitting Park Avenue matrons. Most people would rather not be a matron, and not be on Park Ave anymore. (most) I think the term "display of wealth" is an interesting one for decor, since relatively fewer people see your home (especially your entire home) than say, your car, or your watch. Especially, say, your MBA. So I am not always so sure you are looking at spaces created with the intent for "display", per se. Homes appear in AD primarily because the businesses involved in creating them want advertising; typically they pitch a home to the mag. Also, even for rooms or situations where people do wish to "display" something, it may not be wealth they wish to convey. Are they conveying wealth or class or lineage or worldliness or good taste or hipness or sophistication or success or cleverness? Those are all good possibilities. Or, are they just "keeping up with the neighbors". OR, hey, maybe they are not conveying anything much at all, just making places they feel comfortable in and enjoy looking at. I think we all agree that there is no good reason to mention the cost of anything, unless asked, and then one can always demur. Some people will ask the darndest things. The same people will ask to tour your home, which I used to find flattering but now I feel it is odd, other than close friends, and avoid it. OTOH, I do think that on an anonymous forum, any thing that might be useful is fine. Cost is very germane to decor of course. It is part of the educational process. More than once I posted specifically to ask if the cost of something seemed reasonable. In a business so rife with high markups and unscrupulous behavior, it is nice to have an unbiased source on your side. It's also nice to see what other people spend, to help establish your own guidelines. I am not sure there is any particular use to blanket statements about new wealth vs old, or about charitability by income bracket. I observe what I perceive as tackiness in all walks and lineage. I think a responsibility to give (and do) for others is a basic human obligation for all of us. One thing I greatly applaud is the integration of service learning into public school curricula, which I think is relatively new. It needs to be inculcated in everyone that service is just something that all citizens do. As for reveals, the only reveals I find offputting are people who have never posted before. I really like reveals of rooms that people have posted on over time. I find it interesting and satisfying, as well as inspirational. I appreciate any information, including costs, that people share. As for money and happiness. Money creates opportunities and helps to remove or lessen many of life's stresses. It is silly IMHO to claim otherwise. Does it mean the well to do never have a drinking problem or a broken family? Of course not. But what makes people happy? Certainly not money per se. I think I have mentioned this before, but I will again because I think it is such a useful concept. Most people spend a good deal of their energy and time on big goals. Say, for exampel, they want a newer, nicer, bigger, house. They will spend a lot of effort and time and money toward that big prize. However, research shows, that big changes, good OR bad, bring a spike of emotion, but then are rather quickly assimilated into your level of happiness, and become the new status quo. We've all probably BTDT. Whereas, small things, experienced frequently, raise your overall level of happiness throughout time. So,experts say, if you want to be happier, don't plan a 4 week vacation. Instead, go see a movie once a week. Don't buy a new house. Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers every Friday. FWIW Here is a link that might be useful: May 2014 AD

imamommy, I have four birth sons, 24, 23, 19, and 14. I have three foster kids who are still part of my family, two boys and one girl. The boys i got when they were sixteen, they are now in their early 20's. THe girl i got when she was fourteen, she is now 21, and married with a baby of her own. They lived under my care until they were adults. My step kids are a daughter , 12 ( almost 13), and a stepson 8. We have my stepkids pretty well half time, in a joint physical custody situation. Originally, mom had full physical custody, but lost it a few years ago when she was reported to the CPS by stepdaughters school, for biting stepdaughter all over her arms leaving huge bruises. Mom was given a conditional discharge and placed on the child abuse registry and we were given joint physical custody. Both my husband and I are on the same page as far as parenting style. We are not authoritarian parents, but we arent particularly permissive either. Our list of rules is fairly short, but those rules we do have, are to be obeyed without exception, and there are consequences for disobeying.The older they get, the fewer rules there are. We have family meetings, informally called in the kitchen, and our family slogan is that everyone gets to have a say. We get the final say but in our kitchen meetings, every child can feel safe to say what they think, what they want to do about it, and know that their opinion carries weight. We have a baton ( a plastic spoon) that the person speaking holds when they are speaking, and when you are holding the spoon no one can interupt you. Family rule. WE also go out to eat or have everyone over as an extended family once every two weeks, at which time a lot of issues are brought up. With the exception of the youngest stepson, every one of my kids, foster kids and stepkids have told both my husband and I that they think we are the wisest people on the planet and know that we will give them good advice, even if they dont want to hear it. I take that as a tremendous compliment. In fact, when we moved a few years back so that we could maintain the joint custody, ALL of my children and foster children also picked up roots and moved close to us, across country. They didnt want to be away from us, or their brothers and sisters. We are extremely close knit. Of course every family has to develop its own way of communicating, I just really really oppose the sneaking into peoples private things. I think that if you are going to read someones diary, you should tell them, then at least they can modulate their opinions. Both hubby and I still keep a journal, and all of our kids do as well, as a way to put thoughts in order and to express emotion. Most therapists s uggest it as a great tool to help you understand what you are really feeling, since emotions can be so overwhelming at t imes. But to invade that of someone elses.....it really hits me wrong. One of my sons, the one who is now 19, had adjustment problems for about a year, when he entered his early teens. I had the attitude thing with him, the lack of ambition, the wanting not to go to school etc. One thing we did do , was talk and communicate without anger or judgement even when I wanted to pull my hair out. We had a great therapist who helped us both to understand how to do that. He is doing fine now, and has been for the last few years. My foster daughter, when she came to me, was promiscuous and using drugs. Within six months, we turned that around as well, again with the help of a godsend of a therapist. Now my stepdaughter is disinterested in school, lying about her homework, and hiding things from her mother and stepfather, although she is being open with her dad and I. It upsets her biomom when stepdaughter hides things from her that she freely talks about with us, but some of the things that biomom, or more particularly her husband are doing , are bound to cause mistrust. For instance her mom DOES search her room regularly. Her mom and stepfather both openly compare her to her stepsisters, who are on the honour roll. Her stepdad reads her mail. She isnt allowed to have unmonitored phone conversations. She has been told nothing about periods , or sex, and didnt even know how babies are made until I broke down and told her. My stepdaughter has done nothing to cause her parents mistrust, other than to lie about grades and homework (which she does because she gets grounded indefinitely for not getting a good grade). Her biomom and stepdad unfortunately dont deal well with frustration , and thinks cracking down harder is the answer to a problem. Its making it worse, although we dont have any problems with stepdaughter when she is with us. Mom resents the fact that daughter is so easy with us and so secretive and withdrawn with them. Its not mom, its stepdad, according to stepdaughter. But biomom will have to see that for herself. I try to stay out of it as much as possible, because its not my place to critisize how mom raises her own daughter. YES, i think she is making big mistakes, but they are mistakes common to a lot of parents. Parents tend to forget that when kids are young, I SAID SO is a valid way to deal with them but as teens, you are dealing with young adults who are their own person, and rules without relationship lead to rebellion. A lot of people are totally in shock when their youngster stops being intimidated into doing exactly what they are told. The teen years do get easier with each child, because you have experience with it, as of course you know since soem of your kids are grown. BUt for someone dealing with a teen for the first time, it can be very bewildering. Your young cub grows teeth :) As I have said before, Praise works better than punishment, and if you want them to trust you, be trustworthy.

Rhome...I always thought VW's name was whippy chick as well and until you explained your name several years ago I though it was pronounced Rome. Plllog...Your name has always thrown me. I thought it was lowercase l's until the other day someone wrote it as ones and then I thought I had been wrong all of these years. I still for the life of me have no idea what it means a post awhile back led me to believe it had something to do with technology. I have always thought lukkirish was lurk ish. Most of us must have eyes that play tricks on us. In fact, I generally do not read the liturgy at church or sing out loud b/c I always have the letters and/or words completely turned around. By the end, I am sure people question my ability to read!

Last year a really expensive camera was delivered to my house. What was odd is I never ordered a camera from this online website. $1400 was charged to my American Express card though. I sent an email to the company and said I wanted to send it back because I never ordered it and they could credit my card. I then received a return label to send it back. Packed it up an sent it back, but the company never received the camera. I had sent it back return receipt requested to avoid this very claim. The company then wanted to know where I had sent it to. I sent all of my paperwork to them and they said #1 we do not use the USPS we use UPS and #2 they knew nothing about the address I had sent the camera to. Low and behold, I looked up the address on google maps and saw it had been returned to a house that looked like a migrant workers house. American Express fought the charge and it was removed from my bill. (I love Amex for this reason). PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!! I can only think they hacked into my email as well as using my credit card number. It is really scary knowing how devious some can be.