My husband lies about watching porn & hasnt been intereated in me
confused5704
12 years ago
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tracystoke
12 years agoasolo
12 years agoRelated Discussions
My friend lied to me...
Comments (14)Hi Tisha, This is a mess and a little complicated. And what makes it even more complicated for me to respond is that I don't have enough information. But here is my advice for what it's worth. I think you have every right to be angry, but be careful about what you're angry about. And I will explain that. You have suffered at least a couple of losses here. You have a friendship with M & F as a couple. That couple is disintegrating before your eyes. You have lost a friend, F, as you know it. I would suspect that this friend was considered an honest person to you. Instead she is a liar and a cheat. When we suffer losses we go through a period that involves the following four stages: denial, grief, and anger and finally acceptance. Usually one goes through the stages in the order I described, but he or she doesn't necessarily need to. Right now you are in the anger stage and that's perfectly healthy to be doing so. As long as you don't stay there very long everything will be just fine. The goal will be for you to finally forgive your friend and arrived at the acceptance stage. You might say that you will never forgive her for what she did. Interestingly enough you don't have to. One does not forgive other people for the other person's sake, one forgives for his or her own's sake. And remember that you are forgiving the person, not condoning the action. This is probably the hardest thing to be able to do. People lie because they don't want to look bad. Having an affair is not the most endearing thing to do. It is pretty much socially unacceptable. It is not surprising that she has lied about it And maybe justifiably so. She really doesn't have to tell the truth about whether she is having an affair. Now you said: I figure that she did it so that if M ever asked me straight out, I'd say, "She tells me that you think she's cheating, but she always denies it to me." I figure she was using me to help her coverstory. I think you've hit the nail right on the head. She was covering tracks and she was doing some preemptive damage control. She didn't want to tell you the truth, because then you would have to be the one to lie to M. She may have been thinking that she was doing you a favor by not giving you that information. Another thing you might consider. People don't lie if it doesn't make any difference. She probably lied to you, because she was ashamed of what she was doing and didn't want you to be ashamed of her. In a way, it's kind of a complement. She values your respect. I said earlier that I would explain what you need to be careful about of what you are being angry about. The fact that F is having an affair and cheating on M is really none of your business. That is between F and M. Whether F is honoring her marriage vows is really between her and her husband. He's the one to whom she is doing the injustice, not you. I have a hard time with this one myself. I consider my marriage vows quite sacred. I find infidelity disgusting. I had a hard time watching the movie "The Bridges of Madison County" for instance. I didn't at all agree with the woman cheating on her husband. But it was her husband that she was cheating on not anyone else. This is all a boundary issue. Their marriage is such and deserves to be handled by them. If you start making the the affair your business, you will be placing your boundary across their business. Think about if you were having a marital problems and somebody stuck their nose into it. It's really the same thing for them. Again, I find infidelity really unnerving. I really don't like it because I think the person who does it violates one of the most personal contracts between two people. That said, there are reasons why people have affairs. Specifically, women have affairs for two reasons. They need chaos in their life or they are not getting their emotional needs met by their husbands. Again I don't have enough information here to comment any further. I don't know what goes on behind closed doors for F and M. I will venture, though, that there is a lot more than anyone else knows. So, I don't know if this helps any. This is about all I know about relationships and such. I do know that you do have a right to being angry. The advice I have for you is to try to figure out exactly what you're angry about and take the steps to resolve that anger and finally forgive your friend. She is only human after all and possesses imperfections like all of us do. Take care, Larry...See MoreMosquitos LOVE me..... (but not my husband)..
Comments (28)VII.Excerpt from poem about mosquitos A.Yet what an aura surrounds you; Your evil little aura, prowling, and casting numbness on my mind That is your trick, your bit of filthy magic: Invisibility, and the anaesthetic power To deaden my attention in your direction. But I know your game now, streaky sorcerer. Queer, how you stalk and prowl the air In circles and evasions, enveloping me, Ghoul on wings Winged Victory. J.D. Gillett http://www.ask.com/web?qsrc=178&o=0amp;l=dir&dm=&q=what%20attracts%20mosquitoes%20to%20humans or just go to www.ask.com and type in what attracts mosquitoes in their search. Interesting stuff. Why not fool the critters, wear his clothes when you next get attacked? If he has a mustache, then you will have to glue one on and you'll look like 'Lucy' in one of her skits!...See MoreHusband is watching porn because my menopause zapped my libido
Comments (2)You really feel that he should give up his desire for sex because YOU don't want sex any longer? He owes you his libido because your job gives him all the benefits. Hubby should find a discreet other woman who has no desire to take him away from you. He should build "away" time into his schedule so as not to cause you any alarm, have occasional discreet visits, and come home to you a more happy man, willing to do housework. Or are you saying he should not find a way to make himself happy sexually? His sexual pleasure should be a thing of the past, since it is a thing of the past for you. He owes it to you to suffer too, is that what you are saying....See MoreMy husband stop having sex with me 5yrs ago
Comments (5)What did your husband say about the woman who answered his phone? And what reason could she possibly have had for answering his phone? Where was he when she answered it? What do you mean you were "outdone"? 5 years - it's been 5 years. What was the reason that you moved to separate rooms? You seem to still think that there's a possibility (you said he says you're going to have sex and then it doesn't happen). If he's been saying that for 5 years, I'd suggest facing the fact that it's not going to happen. Frankly, I'd want to get to the bottom of what's going on with this other woman. However, even if there's nothing going on, he's made it clear that there's no way you and he are going to have a physical relationship. But you also say that he doesn't spend time with you, take you out, or even watch TV with you. And you call this a marriage? It might not come as a surprise that I'm going to suggests counseling - your marriage issues seem to go well beyond the bedroom. I think the no sex issue is a result of the rest of your marriage gone bad for some reason. See if he's willing to explore it. I'm guessing not. So you will have to decide if you want to live the rest of your life living with someone, as a platonic roommate, who won't even watch TV with you....See Moreconfused5704
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