porn and not a lot of sex....What's a girl to do!?

18 years ago

Hello everybody!!! I need some suggestions with an ongoing issue i've been having with my son's father. We have been together for about 4 years. I am 22 and he is 29. Our beatiful son is 2 1/2. Like most, the beginning of our relationship was full of sex, flowers and lots of love...but it has changed. Since I was 4months pregnant I have caught my husband "releasing himself" to porn. Now I am not against porn, but I am not satisfied with our sex life. Am I wrong to be angry about him watching porn than having sex with me? Recently, I attempted to innitiate sex, but he said he was tired and not in the mood... So I left to the store, I came back earlier than expected..and guess what old hubby was doing? Yes...he was watching porn.

We normally have sex 2-3 times a month. Which for some is enough...but i am 22!!! I need it at least 2-3 times a week. I am moody and get angry, which he claims is the reason he doesn't want to be intimate with me. But I feel I am moody and angry, because he ignores my needs. What should I do? We tried counseling, but that didn't work. I know he wouldnt be up for it again...PLEASE SOME ADVICE LADIES AND GENTS!

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Comments (5)

plasticgarden
18 years ago
Does your husband show you affection in other ways? does he hug you,kiss you,tell you how he loves you?
I'm just wondering,because if he doesnt,then his feelings about YOU may have changed.
Some guys (even Elvis) have the Madonna/whore complex,where they dont view their wives as sexy anymore after they have babies.
Some guys are turned off because their wives havent lost all the weight yet.

If he isnt showing you any affection,he may even be cheating on you.

Or,he could be addicted to PORN.

Let me ask you a few questions.Does he watch his porn on the tv,or on the internet? Is he overly private about his computer? Does he make a big deal about having "time alone"?
The wonderful internet has made it very easy for men to get addicted to porn.It's on 24 hours a day,in a million different varieties of what "gets them going",so they never get bored.They are ALWAYS stimulated by something new.What woman can compete with that???
Until they realize it's an "addiction" they wont stop either.They will say,"All men do it!"
All men DO it to a certain extent.They dont put it before their relationships with their spouses.
My husband might do it when I'm not available,but he prefers the real thing anyday to an "image".So,that excuse is not a valid one.When masterbating comes before sex with your spouse,then that is when it becomes a problem.

So,if your husband is addicted to porn,he is the one who needs the counseling,NOT YOU.

Someone I know,also a young female married to a guy who chooses "THAT" over her,(except she gets sex LESS then once a month) was so mad one day she poured water on her Bf's computer.She blamed it on the cat since the cat was known to pee on everything.I'm not suggesting you do anything like that,just giving you an example of someone with this problem and how upsetting to them it can be.

Just like you,she started to doubt herself,didnt think she was pretty anymore.Even thought about cheating on him.
desijj14
Original Author
18 years ago
Sorry it has taken so long for a response! I have lost all the baby weight. I do have plenty of guys who make attempts to talk to me at work, at the store. Basically, what I am tryting to say is I am not unattractive.

And yes he is very, very secretive about his things. Passwords and having seperate accounts. He said this comes from me snooping before (years ago when I caught him masturbating.) I do believe he still finds me attractive as we have sex once a week. I just feel like if he has the time and thoughts to masturbate more than that he should want to have sex w/ me more. Am I wrong? In honesty, I do not think Brian is cheating. I have all the phone records and credit card bills. And quite frankly he is far too lazy to cheat.

To answer your question, he does not show a lot of affection. Again he said this is because of my anger issues w/ him. Sigh...its all so confusing.
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Sweetheart, listen to yourself. You're making excuses for your husband's sh!tty behaviour, because he tells you there's nothing wrong. (As Scarlett said, HE has no problem, so from his POV there is no problem.) And ignoring a wife's pain, and refusing to discuss serious, relationship-threatening issues with her, in favour of what is essentially an affair with the internet, is sh!tty behaviour. What a controlling creep he is. He's got you right where he wants you, under his thumb where he can do whatever he wants, and you will think everything he does must be right, and if you don't think it is, well then, that's your fault somehow. You "don't want him to be unhappy." You don't want to "hurt him very badly." What about _your_ wants and needs? Why are you putting up with unhappiness, poor self esteem and "crying yourself to sleep" to avoid hurting _his_ feelings, when his behaviour is the source of that unhappiness? You say that otherwise he loves you, but does he _truly_ love you when he is seemingly OK with your unhappiness, and refuses to do anything to change that? Occasional, grudging sex that he implies is a "chore" is _not_ loving. When he tells you, "it's not you, it's him", believe him! There's something wrong with him, he knows it, he's not going to discuss it and he believes if he pretends that all is well it will be. Well, it's not. He needs to bite the bullet and do something towards fixing the problem. He is _not_ unique. Whatever ails him is probably also happening to thousands of other men out there. If you don't believe there's someone else out there you could love as much, you're mistaken.
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sweeby
18 years ago
Sounds to me like he might be very uncomfortable with intimacy, and in a way, prefer having sex with himself over having sex with another person.

What do you suppose would happen if he were to walk in on you amusing yourself in a similar fashion? Not to suggest this is what you're into, or even a good substitute -- just an experiment into how he might react. Do you think he'd immediately want to join the party? Or would he be hurt that you chose Option B over Option A? (Like you are)
plasticgarden
18 years ago
Sweeby,you are a sly one,LOL!

desijj14,I in no way meant to incinuate that you werent an attractive woman either. I'm sure you are.It was just one possible reason I thought your Dh could be acting like this (because there are men who view their wives differently after they have a baby...they are idiots,but that is beside the point)

Anyways,why dont you try what sweeby suggests? It may be embarrassing to a degree,but it would certainly let him see things from your angle!
I guess if he got mad you could always say,"Well I thought it was ok since you do it".
Dont be surprised if it turns him on though either,LOL
noah99
18 years ago
The porn may not be the only issue. If you are an attractive, young female and i was married to you..why would he stop having sex with you..I am a single, 24 yr old male...im ready to settle down with one woman and have a child..raise a family..and i DEFINITELY will be having sex with my girl after she has a kid! I think there may be something else going on there..other than you coming home to him playing with his wanger....He may be cheating or talking to someone else...That is just my opinion..but you may decide to take this however you want. Take care

porn and not a lot of sex....What's a girl to do!?

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plasticgarden

desijj14
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porn and not a lot of sex....What's a girl to do!?

Comments (5)

plasticgarden

desijj14Original Author

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sweeby

plasticgarden

noah99

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desijj14
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