Young Couple...Not so young intimacy....

16 years ago

Hi. I am 25. My husband is 30, and we have 4 small children. Although I consider my husband to be young, he has lately started to act much older. He doesn't take me out, we rarely have sex, and when we do, its always a "quickie". He says its because he's so tired from work, but I'm not buying it anymore. He just seems selfish and not interested in pleasing me sexually. This has gone on for awhile, but lately, I've tried being more feminine, dressing more sexy, all which he claims to love, but it isn't helping our sex life. The problem is that now that I'm looking good, other guys are starting to notice me. They are telling me all the things I want to hear, and some of it will do whatever it takes to have me if given the chance. I love my husband, but after 3 years of decreased intimacy, I'm going crazy! It would be different if we started out this way, but to be used to a great sex life, only to have it taken away is not working.

*Side note: my husband has only been with one other person besides me. He is diabetic, but will not take care of himself no matter how much I beg and plead. Its like he doesn't care about himself, and he's subsequently not caring about our relationship.*

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Comments (7)

asolo
16 years ago
Your asterisk says it all, I'd wager. Unless/until he chooses to act on that issue, you won't know what you've got. For his sake, yours, and that of the marriage, I'd slap him upside the head and get it dealt with. They're getting better at it all the time. I know several insulin-dependant diabetic husbands that manage their conditions well and have smiling wives. I also know one who's a slug -- but he was a slug before the onset of his diabetes.

Question, though. You've got four kids. Please don't tell me this is a deal-breaker. Is he a good husband/father otherwise?

Interested guys will always be around and will take what they can get. Don't get overly-excited about that prospect.
popi_gw
16 years ago
Sounds like he needs to have a health checkup.

The children need happy parents if you want to give them the best opportunity to thrive. Perhaps if you both looked at things from that perspective, it might give you both a boost into working things out.
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msqueen
Original Author
16 years ago
Asolo, he's a great father...and yes, popi he does need a health check-up. I've slapped (figuratively) repeatedly, all to no avail about his health..I don't know what else to do...I'm not happy, I've told him so, but it doesn't seem to matter. I'm not overly excited about the outside guys...but its getting hard to ignore. Thank you both bunches for your advice.
popi_gw
16 years ago
How do you word you request for him to have a health check up ?

He is probably scared of what will happen.

If you said something like "I am concerned about your welfare...." Perhaps you could explore better ways of communication to get what you want. Don't give up.
asolo
16 years ago
Force the issue.

He's got a wife and four kids. He owes it to all of you -- if not to himself -- to not be a damned idiot about this. He'll feel better, he won't be so tired, he'll have normal longevity, and Mr. Happy will be looking for attention once again. Unless his condition is extremely exceptional, you can put all of that in the bank.

Do what you have to to break through.
sweeby
16 years ago
"Do what you have to to break through."

Ditto --
-- And if that doesn't work, take out a big-bucks life insurance policy on him.
(Maybe that'll get his attention!)
cocontom
16 years ago
He doesn't want to go have a checkup? Don't let him have a choice. Just arrange everything (time off work if necessary), tell him when it is and drive him.

Yeah, it sucks that you have to do that, but would you rather have to take care of four small children on your own?

Young Couple...Not so young intimacy....

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Young Couple...Not so young intimacy....

Comments (7)

asolo

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msqueenOriginal Author

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asolo

sweeby

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