Hmm, no GS over here and DH is on the job alone. I didn't realize it was Weds already! Works for me. I'm not sure what happened but DH did not mention it to me again and is back to normal and behaving quite pleasantly towards me. I am not foolish enough to think anything has changed, I was just isssued a reprieve for this instance.
No matter, I will finish up my Xmas shopping online today and go play around with my new graphics tablet.

I'm back on the hunt for a position in a warmer climate and should be ready to go Jan 1st if all heals up as planned-Yea!

I'm ready, I do not feel so torn anymore. I want to go be near my family very badly. I just hope I can find a position within a hours drive of my son. Hope everyone here has a nice holiday.

~Cat

Good luck Cat and happy healing. I'm rooting for whatever solutions pulls your son out from under the bus.

Thanks Jessy :0)

My son is doing very well, but I appreciate your kind thoughts!

~Cat

All the best Cat. May the new year bring some happiness and peace of mind.

Glad you're finally considering yourself for a change, Cat! I cannot believe anyone would expect a person who had just had surgery (especially one which would affect mobility) to babysit a five year old. Where the he:: is D (and I don't mean "Dear") H's brains at? My first thought was, why doesn't SS look after his own kid if it's so important to him?
Good luck with the move, I really hope you find a happier place. Lord knows you deserve it.

Cat,

You did so well! Good for you for setting boundaries in an acceptable way. I've been wondering how you're doing, popping back in every now and again. I can see it's been awhile. :) Happy healing!

-Robin

yay!!! Good job Cat!

Hi All,
Yes I have been working on that boundary thing and it is hard for me!! I really had to get back on track. I'm halfway through PT and it's going very well.

Back here in LaLa land not so well. I have stepped up my job search to include permanent jobs near my family, not just travel. I need to get out of here badly before I self implode.

I go back & forth between telling DH or just leave when he is away and leave a letter. I know that sounds cowardly but I am afraid!! And I don't know why. He's never been physically abusive. I just don't think I can deal with any more argueing/drama from him-period. I would like to be in a place where I can be completely open and say I'm leaving, this is why (though he knows what the issues are), BYE. But I am terrified in my gut to do it like that. I figure just get out, no matter how I do it.

Last night he told me he could use a little help moneywise and my response was "you are the one choosing to support another family & home." In other words-No. I pay for my fair share and I'm not & can't pay for anymore. Then that was dropped.

That's a mini update. I just wish there was a non-messy way to just pack my crap & leave. Which is my plan, but I would like to be able to do it without drama & rages, just quietly slink away.

~Cat

Hey Cat-

A friend told me that "there are some messes you just have to walk away from", in other words there's really no way to tie this all up neatly and cleanly so you can feel good about it......it doesn't really matter if you leave in the middle of the night or tell DH in broad daylight, if he hasn't figured it out by now, a final confrontation isn't going to suddenly make him understand. You've spent years trying to "fix him", a last attempt won't have any real effect. You have given him many, many opportunities to step up to the plate and be a marital partner, he has refused, there's really nothing left to say.

And in the long run it really won't make any difference to you....your task is to put yourself in a good place physically and financially, and to start recovering emotionally......so stop worrying about him and his reaction, and start thinking about YOU, your future and your concerns.

And don't "slink" away, as if you are doing something horrible, you should be proud you are finally standing up for yourself.

And congrats on turning down his request for money, I guess he and his kids are both good at expecting a handout.

Honestly Cat, I was shocked that he asked for money.And proud of you that you turned him down.

Question: Do you think the drama of you leaving will be more uncomfortable than the pain of you staying?

Rip the band-aid off. We'll be here to give kisses to your boo-boo. :)

Thanks so much both of you & I may be taking you up on the booboo's- I am very afraid for some reason.Still love him but need to get a life where I matter.

I finished all my shopping for my family with the exception of DS whom wished for but told me not to get a particular item. DH & I were out shopping for GS yesterday, finishing up & I found the item used but in good condition, went to pay for it & DH whipped out the CC, I told him no I wanted to get it but he was insistent he was paying for it- the guy ringing us up took his card & that was that. Now I know it was him trying to be nice and make a gesture twards my son. He said "I want to help,I love you!". I cannot tell you how uncomfortable and guilty I felt. I thanked him, and we went about the rest of the running around. It was very nice, but am taking it for a nice thing to do and letting it go. I was borderline on getting tacky in the store but didn't want to make a scene. While we were shopping DH mentioned that SS's new GF(yes,live in again) will be coming to our place for xmas and we needed to get her a gift too.

It is all very bizarre & the more I move away emotionally the more he seems to hold on.maybe holidays are making him melancholy, I don't know but I can't go there again.

Lord just let me maintain my composure and get through next Sat. I so badly want to be with DS & my folks instead of with people that don't give 2 ***ts about me.
-Cat

Hey Cat-

I think courage is defined as doing the right thing even when you are scared....and while I've said folks here can deliver a good buttkicking, they can also be very supportive when you take action to improve your life.

Based on DH's latest antics (asking you for money but then loading up his credit card) it's pretty clear that he's JPN (Just Plain Nuts). If being everybody elses piggy bank makes him feel good, well, that's his personality problem, not yours, and you should not feel guilty about it or try to protect him from himself (god knows you've tried often enough). If you had co-mingled finances you would have to find a way to make him stop it, but it sounds like your finances are separate, so his financial insanity does not ruin your credit or bank account (good for you!).

And yes, he's probably noticing (albeit unconciously) that you are starting to pull away so he's getting clingy, but don't fool yourself that "things are getting better"....if you went back to the old situation he'd just relax and start ignoring you again.

And yeah, being with folks who actually care about you is a whole different world. I was pretty sick a while ago, I told one of my friends, who in turn called another of my friends and they both checked up on me until I was better...it actually brought tears to my eyes, all my ex would have done is carp and moan about having to walk the dog because I was flat in bed....what a witch...

You go, girl.....and I mean go, out of there and into a new life.

good luck with everything whatever you planned. don't be afraid.