If we could just fix this one thing...

23 years ago

Anybody out there have a marriage that, if not for one "thorn-in-the-side" problem would be, for all practical purposes, perfect?

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Comments (4)

waddles
23 years ago
His moodiness.
Gina_W
23 years ago
Interesting question, Rotny!

Hmmm, for me, if I had to pick something standing in the way of "perfection" - which is a very subjective word, I would say his lack of gift-giving skills.

DH is terrible at it. It's only been 14 years! - LOL.
But I don't fret over it because it's not in his nature. He will spend any amount of money on me and get me whatever I ask for. He just goes blank when it comes to going and buying something special. So I just tell him what I want. I think it's a fairly typical guy thing.
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Ooh la la! Great shingle example, macv. Pamela, how are your boards deteriorated? It may be that there are too many thick layers of paint, and painters are worried about getting one more coat to adhere well? There is a house in my neighborhood owned by a pro painter. It's over 100 years old. The last time he painted it, he had his crew scraping and sanding like crazy, often to bare wood. Some boards were replaced. I have never seen such a thorough prep-job, but, then again, the owner was a pro, and probably keeping his crew busy between other jobs. I'm not sure anyone else would have been willing to pay going rates for that much prep work. It was probably triple the cost of a standard paint job when all was said and done. I wonder if painters are turning down your job because it would similarly require intensive prep to be done right. Maybe they just want to spray and go to the next job. But if you could get someone to bid on it, sanding, scraping, board replacement, the whole nine yards, it might be cheaper than new siding, and future repainting would not be so expensive, unless you let it go too long between paint jobs. I'm not saying this is what you should do, but you might want to consider it. Also I don't see how keeping existing siding precludes insulation. My house had insulation blown in from the inside when we were repainting rooms anyway. From the outside, they only have to remove two clapboards; one high, and one low, to blow in. You have solar panels to save energy. There is an energy cost to produce new siding, and to dispose of your existing. Considering this might be one more piece of your analysis. I think you have a beautiful house and great taste. It's nice to see another old house owner who takes the time to research before starting a major project. I'm sure the results will be beautiful no matter what you decide.
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phyllis_philodendron
23 years ago
Ditto, waddles!
amygdala
23 years ago
Perfection is not a reasonable goal for human beings or for human relationships.

People can only reliably control themselves, and not others.

For example, if I got to thinking 'if only I could fix..' about another human being, that would be a symptom of mine and worth at least consulting or exploring with a doctor or counselor.

It can be a symptom of depression, or other kinds of problems to find one's self focusing on one single 'problem' and experiencing negativity related to that. Feeling unable to get around to enjoying and relaxing and even basking in the good feelings related to the other infinite positive qualities (of the other person, or the relationship) is a symptom.

The main situation calling for immediate flight behaviour is if the 'imperfection' of the other person involves their ability to inflict pain or harm deliberately, and without remorse... Not fight, just flight/escape. There can sometimes be more leeway if the 'imperfection' involves other kinds of criminal behaviour, but distance may still be called for.

generally, it's a good 'reality check' to kind of make sure that other qualities of the person and relationship (and life in general) can be appreciated and feel 'good'to think about-- if they can't or fade far into the background, it's worth talking to someone about because it's a symptom

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If we could just fix this one thing...

Comments (4)

waddles

Gina_W

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phyllis_philodendron

amygdala

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