Fight every time I have work/interview

12 years ago

What is the psychology behind this? We have both been out of work, living on savings, and I got an interview and he picked a fight. I had a temp job and he picked a fight. It's not envy, it wasn't a great job, only p/t and low pay, and he recently found the same after over two years of searching. I thought at least we would each bring in a little money and still have time to look for something better. But I got up today and it was all downhill from the second I got my feet on the floor. Why?
PS: I have always worked, we both have, until recently.

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Comments (11)

sushipup1
12 years ago
It only becomes a fight when two people are involved. If you do not rise to the bait, he's got no one to fight with.
suzieque
12 years ago
Turtlelady, I understand what you're asking. You're not asking what the first response "answered".

I'm not a counselor, psychiatrist, or psychologist, so am not qualified to answer. But, my hip-pocket psychology says that he is feeling as though you are doing better than him, he's feeling "unmanly" (whatever that means), but certainly is feeling insecure and lashing out at you.

You just keep doing what you're doing, and somehow try to assure him that you two are in it together and no success that either of you has in any way diminishes the other person. You're a team.

Good luck.
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AmericanaNY
12 years ago
Agreed. It's cliche to say, but he's just jealous and insecure.

I dunno; keep doing what you're doing, but don't bring up work in converstaion.
sylviatexas1
12 years ago
She doesn't 'bring it up'; she gets a fight thrown into her face.

OP, please have a plain, rational, face-to-face discussion across the kitchen table or wherever you can be pretty sure of a non-threatening, non-emotionally-laden environment.

The other posters are right;
this is insecurity/jealousy/feelings of inadequacy, but finding a label to stick on it isn't going to help, & refusing to 'rise to the bait' sure as heck isn't going to help.
In fact it's more likely to frustrate & anger the other party.

You & hubs are a team, & somehow it's gotten turned around so that hubs sees you, not as his teammate, but as his competition.

Most people are rational if they have the information;
give him a chance & see what happens.

I wish both of you the best.
cherig22
12 years ago
I also see competition, he wants to be the bread winner. If it does not happen, he needs to be grateful that there is some money coming in. Me and hubby are older, and it is who ever can bring in the money is appreciated. No arguments.

Cheri
sylviatexas1
12 years ago
well, aren't you the lucky one?

thanks for sharing...
cherig22
11 years ago
sylvia, you are just so negative all the time. How in the heck can you find fault with the statement that as long as there is money coming it is a good thing?

Geesh....

Cheri
sylviatexas1
11 years ago
This discussion ended in July.

but, since you asked, I was sarcastic because the previous poster commented without helping, which had been done numerous times already, & she mentioned the fact that she didn't have the same problem that OP had.

If you'll read my previous post, you'll see that I did offer a positive suggestion to OP.
cherig22
11 years ago
Goodness, I agreed with you and you still have to dis me? You need to take a look at how you look at these posts. I AGREED WITH YOU!!!!

Cheri, geesh
sylviatexas1
11 years ago
I was responding to this:

'sylvia, you are just so negative all the time. How in the heck can you find fault with the statement that as long as there is money coming it is a good thing?'

thought I was being clear.
tete_a_tete
11 years ago
forgive me for reading and commenting on old threads but they are interesting. And I only found Gardenweb a week ago.

I totally agree with this (from sylviatexas):

OP, please have a plain, rational, face-to-face discussion across the kitchen table or wherever you can be pretty sure of a non-threatening, non-emotionally-laden environment.

The other posters are right;
this is insecurity/jealousy/feelings of inadequacy, but finding a label to stick on it isn't going to help, & refusing to 'rise to the bait' sure as heck isn't going to help.
In fact it's more likely to frustrate & anger the other party.

You & hubs are a team, & somehow it's gotten turned around so that hubs sees you, not as his teammate, but as his competition.

Most people are rational if they have the information;
give him a chance & see what happens.

........................

It is very hard on a man who has no job. It is hard for women too, it's awful, but a man feels a enormous need to provide for his wife and family and he will suffer greatly when he cannot.

I hope things have improved for you two.

Fight every time I have work/interview

Comments (11)

sushipup1

suzieque

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