Are these signs he is cheating?

17 years ago

I recently found out that my husband searched for escort services, when I asked him about it he said he didnt do anything..I also found emails from a girl that wanted to meet up with him and he even gave her information to what airport she should fly to and he also has several profiles on adult websites. when i asked him about all of this he denied ever doing anything with anyone, I do not know if I should believe him or not. All of this was done when i was away at my parents for two months while I had our baby. I recently also found out that he bought a sex toy for himself which he never told me about and when i ask him to show it to me he gets mad and says he threw it away. I waited to confront him about all of this because I wanted to be tactful and get somehting out of the conversation but all he said to me was that why was i looking through his stuff, which i happened to just find since he had mistakenly left his hotmail account open. He has always been very private with his email accounts and myspace he never lets me know the passwords it seems likehe is hiding something. What should I do should I trust him but inside i feel cheated in a way am I overreacting? PLease help I am soo confused

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Comments (5)

tracystoke
17 years ago
Oh my god you are so not overreacting.how old are you?Its so obvious your husband has been messing about with women.All the evidence is there,he was having the time of his life whilst you were away having his child.He puts passwords on for a reason.IF he hadnt nothing to hide he would freely let you see what he was doing on the computer.what is your relationship like otherwise.Im guessing your very young.do not trust him any more he is a liar
silversword
17 years ago
Why were you at your parents for two months having your baby?
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Sorry it took me so long to come back, I have been busy. He says he is still happy and loves me with all his heart. But I think since I was in a cheating marriage before I see things that I do not like. He does not think that if he lies to me about small stuff that it is ok. I do not see it that way. Lies are lies, holding out on telling me the truth about small stuff makes me wonder what else he is not teliing me. I told him before we got married that he could tell me that he loved me all he wanted, but of he was not honest with me all that love meant nothing. I went through that before. Saying I love you is easy, showing it is harder. I know he has taken off from work when I was working by looking at his paycheck and seeing that he has used up some his vacation and sick time. I wonder where did he go what did he do. He has a lock on his PC so no one can get on it. I do not think he understands that doing these things makes me wonder. I tell him everything, I have nothing to hide.I know that he goes on my PC to see what I am doing....lol. I guess with us not having sex that often does not help. Since we have been arguing a lot about the remodel of the kitchen and the nasty things he has said to me I do not feel like I did before. How can I? I do not feel that he respects me and my thoughts and ideas. And his love making seems to be all about making him happy. We do not have conversations like we use to, because he does not listen to me. We are not the freinfds that we were before the marriage and him taking over my home. It was mine before we married. Now he makes most of all the decsions,he wont let me do much. He is always telling me that I dont know what I am doing. OK this one was long enough. Thanks for the advise. I will take all of it and think of what to do or how to talk to him.
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Did not really understand if she knew this person three years ago and now he is back and she is acting this way now or IF she acted like this three years ago. Either way it does not make you feel any better. It hurts and the trust is lost. Therapy helps but ONLY IF you both go and keep the skills you learn there, if not...do not waste your time. The "lady" my husband broke trust with was married, used her work cell phone (smart did this before), used their cabin and lost 50 pounds in 4 months. Her husband worked for ODOT and did another full time job. SHe told the sob story about her spouse.... Yes, it still hurts, no I do not trust, yep did therapy and done all the antidepressants they told me to. You will never know the truth....you must decide if YOU can live in the relationship. You will remember the problem especially when environmental situations come up and you have no control over. Communication helps but if you do NOT trust...it is over. The person with my husband broke my trust with was a girl from Grange or 4H camp, he knew for a week they wrote back and forth, she dumped him for she was pregnant by some other person and this was over 30 years ago. He looked for her before he married me and they "rediscovered" each other last year. Me...I told the judge that gave me an attorney to use I would not divorce him until the youngest is 18. Why, the judge worked family court as an attorney for over 20 years and knows me well. If you can live this way the rest of your life, stay. If you cannot and there are NO children...leave now. Do not live in a life you cannot. I wish I had the strenght to go.
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I am sorry that this is happening to you. Awhile back this was me. I found the emails by mistake; he said they just had a few lunches, different than what she said and what the cellphone records said...long story short we almost divorced. He has been more on time coming home, more considerate at times but all in all, I will not trust again if ever. You need to get some therapy with her and without her. i wish at times i had left and now i would be okay, over the pain if that would be possible. take great care of yourself and remember you deserve to be loved and treated with respect.
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We had a County Sheriff serve a tenant who didn't pay his rent for over 6 months. When our tenant "John Doe" opened the door, the Sheriff asked for John Doe, John told the officer that John Doe does not live there any more. So, he never got served, went another two months before fleeing in the middle of the night, leaving us with an incredible mess. Moral of the story, have whoever does the serving check an ID if the person claims to not be the person being served. Not sure if that is really legal but if you're working with the Sheriff department, they would know. Good luck. Jodi-
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tracystoke
17 years ago
silversword ,that was just one of the reasons i thought she is very young,I may be wrong but I cant imagine a woman in her thirties or later just not knowing what was going on here unless very inexperienced.
catlettuce
17 years ago
Oh Dear,
Please go get yourself and your baby tested for STDS,a simple blood test for baby. You may need a complete ob/gyn check up. I most certainly would want one.

"I waited to confront him about all of this because I wanted to be tactful and get somehting out of the conversation but all he said to me was that why was i looking through his stuff, which i happened to just find since he had mistakenly left his hotmail account open. He has always been very private with his email accounts and myspace he never lets me know the passwords it seems likehe is hiding something."

He screwed up & left it open where you could see & now you are *blamed* for snooping. Classic way to divert from his unscrupulous behavior.

Be very careful, get you stuff in order. I don't think you are over-reacting one bit ut do think you should remain cautious and not tip your hand with your DH.

Also wondering why you chose to have your baby away at your parents instead of with your DH? Nothing wrong with that, in fact it's good as I suspect you probably got a lot more emotional support there..

Hugs,
~Cat
marge727
17 years ago
Unless you and your husband were living out on the prairie somewhere with no medical care available, I cannot imagine why you would go off for two months to have a baby. I wouldn't go off and leave my husband for two months for no good reason--what is the point of being married and having children.
He was playing around on the computer while you were gone--what a surprise. He could also have gotten dinner at a nearby bar in the evening just for some company.

Are these signs he is cheating?

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tracystoke

silversword

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