i am menopausal at 53. I live with a 32 year old man. We do fine. Sex has many dimensions. First see what vitamins you need. Sometimes lack of energy is the problem. I do ten hour shifts at times, and I sleep a lot when that happens. Sex? I tell him to go do some porn. So jobs can just mess things up. Porn, by the by, can turn you on too if you take time to find what you like to hear and see. Trust me, its out there. Take time to get turned on if he won't do it. If he won't then maybe you need someone else. If he will, experiment. You are sex researcher Dr. Cocktease, and you are going to see what gets the nights hot. Play. make up stories. Fun is something that does wonders for everyone. Do different places. Do you have a yard or go camping? Tents can be fun. We set up one in our living room and played camping like kids once and had a great time. Consider that while the body might have problems (I have serious hip arthritis, for instance), the mind is the most important sex organ there is. Think about what made sex good in the past. Think about stuff you are intrigued by but never did. Imagine these things, find pics of them, watch videos if those are good. Read stories on the web or write ones of what you think would be the best sex night (a great candlelit bath with flowers, a nice night taking turns doing rubs, whipped cream on parts being licked off, pretend meeting for the first time somewhere, dirty talk, whatever) and make time to do them. Get with yout man and talk about it. If you have hope of seeing results, this can turn things around.

manoman thankgoodness i'm not alone...altho i guess i can no longer deny that i'm NOT perimenopausal darnit. I can't concentrate, i've been SO depressed i've had thoughts of suicide (thankgoodness G*d's on my side) and the mood swings, good grief! they get worse and worse, and i'm exhausted quite often. I finally took myself to the doctor Lorran, have you asked your doctor about zoloft? it's the same thing as prozac and paxil only better because it doesn't have all the EXTRA ingredients in it. One 50mg zoloft is the same size as one 20mg paxil, that's 30mg of stuff your body does NOT need, like speed...for some reason pharmaceutical companies (and most doctors) think that depressed people need speed, quite frankly, trembling for five days (to the point that my teeth chattered) is NOT my idea of an antidepressant. I've been on zoloft for hmmm seven? weeks now and i'm having a lot of fun rediscovering myself LOL! The utterly sad, hopeless feeling is down to one day and something like an hour or two on two separate days, versus two or three weeks of complete and utter sadness YAY!!! and the exhaustion is now sporadic instead of every day too as for libido, well, it's neither here nor there, i don't think about it or initiate any more, altho i certainly enjoy myself when DH does LOL! but i'm going to try some sort of homeopathic cream my best friend uses and recommends, see if i can't jump start something LOL!

God love ya! I've had all kinds of hot flashes the past ten years and they continue but have lessened. I've had the ones that make my face flush terribly and then I break out in a sweat. I've had the one that feel like I'm a thermometer and the heat rises somewhere from my abdomen and up thru the top of my head. They can last a minute or several minutes. The ones I get the most of now are at night. I can go to bed so tired and cold and just when I get comfortable and ready to doze off, I'm sweatin' like I'm in a steam bath. My mother was 85 when she passed and she continued to have hot flashes till then. Yes, everyone is different. I think of it as "surging" now! But, I never get use to them. Hang in there!

Jill, I've been going through the same thing for years, due to FMS pain, fatigue, dryness, etc. I started to feel really guilty about the lack of libido and that made me feel even worse. Discussing things on a regular basis with my DH helped alleviate the guilt and he is able to understand that it is ME not HIM. He never pressures me which really helps. I tried testosterone for the libido several years ago and it did help. Not only was sex more intense, but I thought about it more. After a while, though, I quit taking it as I was worried about the negative effects I'd read about(facial hair, lowered voice, etc). I did get a little more facial hair, but that happens after menopause too, and I don't know which really caused it. But you might talk to your doctor about trying it as everyone has a different response to medications, and it has worked very well for some women. I haven't tried any of the herbal libido enhancers, hopefully you'll hear from someone who has. I'm currently using a vaginal estradial gel for the dryness, and also a water based lube for intimacy. I understand that "getting to that point" is difficult when you're dealing with fatigue. Try to have a sense of humor about it if you can. DH and I joke about the "right time"...is it a full moon?...are the planets aligned?...is it the right temp and humidity? Sometimes I'm just too painful and he'll give me a back rub or massage, then one thing will lead to another... Just try not to worry too much...it's happening to a lot of us. Good luck to you!