Yes..I do come here to vent actually. Mainly because I don't want to be saying and spewing these things at my DH. And that's because deep down no matter how I feel towards his daughter..that's still his daughter. No matter what her lies or deceptions are..she's still his child. At one time a child that cared but I believe she no longer exists. What's replaced that caring person is a very unhappy individual that is jealous and controlling and protects her mother at all costs, fearless of who she hurts with her lies. And I've watched people very afraid of saying anything for fear she starts in on them. With me..you either like me or dislike me. There is no in between. I'm colorful, blunt, and to the point like no one you've met before. I don't hold back words and if you lie to me - you get told you're lying. I don't excuse/condone lying for any reason. I have a 21 year old daughter myself and I've never condoned it from her. Big difference though..my daughter adores my DH. Respects him, loves him, and treats him like he's part of her family. Maybe there's a part of me that was hurt in the beginning because I've never understood what I did to deserve his daughter acting like I was such an intruder when my own child is so accepting of him. She buys him gifts on Fathers Day and you can tell she cares deeply for him. That's just it..she's accepting. My DH's family let me in VERY quick from day 1 his daughter was a total nightmare. RAN to me with it. I let them know that I was not the local pansy and anything she threw at me she better be able to back up her lies. And call her out I have done..many times. Just recently I'll give you an example...2 months ago she came in my house and proceeded to go on and on about the huge college university she is 'attending'. Told my DH that in 2 quarters she will be a full fledged teacher..do you know of a degree like that? I have heard my DH brag of her college BS a few times before this...so I let her talk. I then proceed to tell her that I work with a young man that goes to that same university and works part time in Student Services. He could not find her on the student registry..this quarter or any other quarter for that matter. As usual, her face became flushed because she knew what was coming. I told her I could go to the computer and look up the schedule..of course if she 'attends' class 4 days a week by now she knows by heart her courses and professers. I told her to tell what class she attends on Monday..? Tuesday..? Her silence said it all..she knew she was caught once again. So as usual she left saying she was being judged and will come back once it stops. You know what's sad..? My DH actually THANKED me for it..I honestly think he WANTS to call her out but does not either know how or does not want to be the bad guy. Honey...dump it on me. I have no hesitation or reservation in being the bad guy when it comes to lying. But you know the saddest part of all? This is not the first time she has said this lie..she has recycled the same lie 3 times before. At other universities...thing is she has never even gotten a high school diploma. Seriously...if you want to come to my house..then come. Bring your husband..your kids. Sit down and talk...DO NOT BRING YOUR BS INTO MY HOME. Talk about your day..your kids..your thoughts..the latest TV show you like. But don't come into my home with such crap as what she makes up and expecting my husband to turn to jelly and tell you he's proud of you for something you aren't even doing. Because if you do...I'm here to remind you that BS is not welcome here. Very respectfully of course, mind you..but you will get called on it. Life is too short to have such drama floating around. I adore and fiercely protect my DH and our marriage. And I am not going to have it so up in the air from BS from his daughter. Who wants that? And why is it fair to say it's allowed because she's his daughter? Like I said..it's 2012. Get over the fact that blended families are happening everywhere and she may not like it. Like it or not..she's part of a broken family. And that family has since moved on and she's still in the background trying everything she can to gain attention from mommy and daddy. Grow up already. We went putt putt golfing last summer and she proclaimed she was going to stop because 'no was was watching her'. And I watched as my DH asked all of us to watch a 21 year old women putt her little golf ball..or she was going to quit. My answer? "Well, then make sure you put your club back at the stand at the beginning....I'm sure no employee wants to clean up a club thrown by an adult in anger over not being watched. Who's next?" I feel very secure in what I have...and again I refuse to let his daughter think she can destroy that. Because of the statement justmetoo made - "For pete's sake, somebody take the power away from this woman beast. She has far too much power involving herself into the personal lifes of everyone else. " Bingo. My thoughts exactly.

Hi concerned Mom (and, probably, Dad), It seems to me that one of our major tasks as a parent is to encourage our young ones to develop their independence and help them move toward it ... in incremental steps. World War II (despite U.S. claims/experience to the contrary) began in 1939, when I was 10, and our farmhands went into the forces. Dad at just under 40 had a fairly large farm, for those days, to run ... and my younger brothers and I got introduced to various and multitudinous chores at an early age. I've long felt that if our young folks grew up with an experience of being granted certain responsibilities and privileges, beginning at an early age, and live with the certainty that, as they discharged those responsibilities reasonably capably, would have more granted, we would avoid many of the rebellious activities that occupy the minds and time of many of our youth, these days. I often sat down and discussed with my kids what kind of result(s) they might expect to happen, were they to follow a certain course, or another, or a different one. That is, to help them develop linear, logical, multi-faceted and critical thinking. When we come to a fork in the road, we choose which course to take, then later, though (usually) we can't go back to re-live it ... we can learn from the results that have come from that choice. My daughter spent a year on Rotary student exchange program with a family where the father was civic engineer in Hamburg when she was, I think, a junior in High School. She went with a school group to spend a week camped (tenting?) above Florence, travelled " ... like a little mouse in the back seat ..." with her family on several extended trips, visited North Africa ... and had a ball. She was a sensible, smart kid ... but it matured her a good deal ... and got her interested in travelling and participating in various new ideas that may have been latent before, but had been undeveloped ... and had she not had that opportunity, who knows whether they ever would have been developed? Unless there are some substantial counter-indications that surface, I'd be inclined to let/encourage your daughter to go: it'll quite likely change her life ... bend the sapling in different ways for the tree to grow ... or at least provide her with some memorable experiences. I recommend having your daughter make a significant contribution to her trip: earned stuff is much more highly valued. If the U.S. is to participate fully in world affairs, in a way that will engender more respect on the part of people in other areas, she needs people who have participated in different parts of that world: our world has become much smaller ... a "global village", right? A much better impact will be made if many of her citizens have travelled abroad and come to know the people there and respect not only the people, but their ways, as well. Good wishes to your fairly responsible, smart daughter (according to your testimony) as she proceeds to develop a multi-faceted, interesting, challenging life. And to you, her parents, as you proceed with your own adventures, further down that road of life. Never kill the kid that resides within you (even at advanced age) ... or strangle the kid that you guide (for a short while). And enjoy your kids while they're with you - for they're soon grown and gone. I regret that I could be only a semi-involved/resident father after my kids were 6 and 9. ole joyful

The only way that you would be able to properly help with whatever meds she is taking is to get a signature that you qualify as a Health Care Power of Attorney. As a HCPOA, you can attend and have input at her care plan meeting that happens every 90 days as required by Medicare. Otherwise, you are out of the picture with meds. Her primary might be good physician; however many don't know enough about aging and the problems that occur. Please ask whether that person has a lot of experience with geriatrics and in particular those in a nursing home. If the scope of practice is only Family Practice, then the training and such might not be appropriate for your friend. Dementia (of which there are several kinds) can come out many different ways. Don't assume that it is Alzheimer's, as it might be something else. There are health issues that also show confusion. Again, you probably don't have access to her medical records to determine whatever diagnoses are listed. Ask the family member for a copy, if you feel it would help the situation. Most nursing homes are divided into separate areas (hospital rehab, long term and dementia for instance). Each of those units should have a salaried person in change, find that person and ask questions. Don't be confrontational, but explain your concerns. There should be a social worker on site, ask that person some of the same questions. Another way to get on the good side of the staff is to provide 'treats' of some kind. Not just for the day shift, but for all care givers in that area. I am not a health care worker (the missus is a geriatric NP), but I worked in the nursing department of a nursing home for almost five years. I learned a lot while being there. Jim

2 things 1) I commend you on your tidy plans. In plan 2, the kitchen appears to have been sacrificed - your island is really small (weirdly small?) and you (obviously) have no seating in there. Is this how you live today? Or is a "hang out" kitchen on the want list? In some ways the living room is simply out of scale with the rest of the house in plan #2. Could you reconfigure your mudroom entry and tighten it up some in plan #3, moving that dividing wall between it and the living room over some, enlarging the living room? You'd get usable space and in both plans the living room isn't eaten up by foot traffic. 2) in your main bath on this floor might you consider dividing the toilet area and the shower or at least the toilet / bath from the sink so 2 folks can be using the bath at the same time and still have some privacy. Although I guess the laundry bath could be used for teeth cleaning / face washing, etc. too.