Hello Fay-Lisa, You've been through so much, you should get a medal for staying as strong as you have and being able to maintain your job and relationship. You are absolutely NOT insane or anything close to it. Many people have that moment in life (or several) in which they feel like they have *had* it. They may not use markers to vent their frustration/anger/anxiety/depression but they do all kinds of other things -- eat too much, drink too much, have affairs, spend too much, leave their families, withdraw completely and so on. First things first, you are doing the right thing by getting all the physical tests out of the way. My first thought after reading everything you've been through is that you might need to see an endocrinologist to have your thyroid and hormone levels thoroughly checked (forgive me if you said you have already done then). If all the tests turn out to be in the normal range, then it's time to consider other possibilities. You may have some kind of chemical imbalance which might be helped with the right kind of medication. This process is most definitely trial and error, and I certainly understand your frustration with the various medications and their respective side effects. I don't like taking them either, but they do have their place as part of an overall approach to tackling and managing symptoms. One suggestion I have is for you to find a *good* therapist -- someone who is very experienced and has training in working with people who may have emotional damage from childhood. You mentioned in your post some unkind things your mother said to you when you were young. I imagine there's a lot more where that came from. Was there alcoholism in your family of origin? Are there others in the family or extended family who have struggled with mental health issues? One psychiatrist I consulted with asked me what kinds of mental health issues there were in my family (I, too, was struggling with terrible depression and panic attacks/anxiety). When I told him there were family members with bi-polar, extreme anxiety, schizophrenia, alcoholism and chronic depression, he said, "well, what did you expect?" The truth is most families have members who cope with these illnesses. A psychologist said that each of us has a collection of genes that contribute to our personalities and temperaments. We just have to work on doing the best with what we've got. You sound like a very self aware, strong person. Please please please do not be so hard on yourself. I am an easy going, peaceful person usually-- but when I have gone through difficult times in my life the anxiety and depression caused me to behave in ways I'm not proud of -- angry, irritated, crying, throwing things, hiding, having major panic attacks where I felt outside of my own body. That's called disassociation and it can happen when anxiety and depression go on for too long without proper treatment. In addition to all this, there is the real possibility that you are now in perimenopause and many of your current symptoms may have been caused or made worse by it. I think I've had every symptom in the "34 symptoms of menopause" list." I've always dealt with anxiety and depression, but this was so deep and dark -- I'm thankful to God that I finally found a competent therapist, the right medication and inner strength to choose to believe in myself and stop condemning myself. This is a choice you can make too and I hope you will. It sounds like you're a caring, compassion, intelligent and very sensitive person. Those are gifts worth celebrating!! It's so easy to slip into that groove of basing your self worth on your job. I'm a decade older than you, and I'm here to tell you, the quality, richness and success of your life is not about what you do to earn money to support yourself. It's about your relationships and your experiences. What do you do to relax and have fun? Fulfilling life experiences don't have to cost a lot of money. You don't have to have a lot of friends, but you do need a support system you can turn to for a listening ear and encouragement. There are many ways you can cultivate loyal, kind and supportive friends. You deserve to have people in your life in addition to your wonderful boyfriend who care about you and will treat you like the amazing person you are. Life goes by so quickly. Take each day as it comes and don't worry so much about the future. As the saying goes, we only live 24 hours at a time. And if I'm having a really bad spell, I take it about an hour at a time : ) Be good to yourself. You might find yoga relaxing or some other kind of exercise class. You might also find a support group beneficial -- it's always comforting to know you're in good company when it comes to dealing with life's difficulties. Think about what makes you the happiest and resolve to pursue these things. Don't ever let anyone make you feel "less than" about anything -- whether it's your job, appearance, hobbies, friends -- all these belong to *you* and if someone doesn't have something supportive or helpful to say to you, tune it out!!! It took me years to learn how to do this, but I am happy to say, it can be done!! Keep posting and let us know how you're doing. I am interested in finding out what the test results will show. But no matter what, cherish yourself and look for the positive things that happen each day -- even the smallest good things matter. God bless you and good luck with your appointments next week!!

Hello everyone, I too have been experiencing all of the above and have spent countless hours and days worrying and scouring the internet for answers. I was overjoyed to stumble upon you all here and learn that I am not alone or losing my mind. A little info about me.... I am a 45 year old woman who started peri & menopause early!! I started at age 38/39 and had no clue what on earth was going on with me. The usual menopausal symptoms were downright awful but like the rest of you, I suffered through the whole time thinking “ok new symptom, dying again of some mysterious illness or I seriously need my head checked.” Fast forward.... I had my last menstrual cycle right after my 44th birthday (so over a year now) and I have to say the menopausal symptoms have lessened overall thankfully. Then SUDDENLY, about 2 months ago, just when I thought the worst was behind me, my body introduces to me, a new scary “oh no I’m dying again” symptom. THE ARMPIT ACHE!! I had just finished my routine physical, pap, mammogram, breast ultrasound, had bloodwork and urine tests done as well.... all came back normal. I was so relieved!!! However, my armpit ache started right after that, within a few days, which threw me for a loop. I thought ok maybe I strained a muscle working out?? Maybe I’m feeling after effects from the Mammogram “trauma”??? No clue and of course, panic starts to set in!! Over the course of 2 weeks, the ache in my armpit (right side for me) became an ache in the right shoulder, ache in my right breast and some days the ache even extended all the way down my right arm. It really is terrifying and consuming when you don’t know what’s going on or why and the Doctors can’t find anything either. So I started experimenting with different things to hopefully find a remedy or at least some peace of mind. Fast forward again..... long story short.... I accidentally stumbled upon a video on YouTube regarding Magnesium deficiency and it’s symptoms and I thought hmmmm, could it be my issue?? So I started taking Magnesium supplements and within 24 hours, my armpit ache started to disappear!! I have been taking the Magnesium faithfully every day for a few weeks now and I can say the ache is 95% gone and most days I don’t even remember having it at all. I don’t know if it’s merely a coincidence or if the magnesium really helped but I felt compelled to share my findings with you all in the hopes that it may help you as well. Side note, I had just started taking other supplements approx 2 weeks before the aching started so I thought perhaps they too may have been the culprit so I stopped taking them completely. (Calcium, Vitamin D, Vitamin C). 1 week later, I started Magnesium which I had never taken before!! Just to clarify. Together, we will get through this. Anita

I just want to say that NONE OF US are alone or crazy. My story is long... PMS started as a young teen and I had no idea what was going on. It eventually led to self-medicating, then to a slow and painful lifestyle of extreme addiction. Going on three years sober I'm grateful that I am now able to feel and understand my body to some degree. However (in a nutshell) since I hit my 40s - I'm now 42- the PMS has WORSENED. Not only the familiar severe anxiety that I have struggled with since a young teen but this horrible nausea that persists for up to two and a half weeks out of every month. I just started a birth control pill about a month ago and I'm praying that it works. I wish there would be more medical attention given to women's bodies and hormones and potential relief for some of the symptoms that are so debilitating. I have so many great things to be thankful for but I still don't feel like I can function at 100%, at least the hundred percent that I expect of myself! Thanks for listening. BTW I feel solid spiritually and I have a very healthy diet and exercise routine. Those help, I KNOW!! Any encouragement or suggestions welcome️

"I haven't had a period in years and where periods and pms were a nightmare for me, menopause was a breeze (especially when compared to all the years of painful pms)" My sisters and I joke it's karmic revenge :). We all had/have horrible, nightmarish cycle issues. PMS, cramps, hemorrhagic bleeding, you name it we got it. And all of us have wanted to kill our friends when they would start with that blithe 'oh yeah I had a cramp once, I think' and 'no, I don't really do PMS'. And then comes perimenopause and the light dawns for those lucky, lucky ladies-yeah, it's not much fun, is it. Me, bitter? Me, vengeful? Me, obnoxious? Guilty as charged LOL. Seriously, I hope those who are having a rough time seek medical assistance because some of the suffering can be relieved. And I'm here to say that time really does make it better, at least it has for me. Personally after living with the aptly named curse for 40+ years (menarche at 11, menopause at 52) my life post-menopause is rainbows and lollipops. Other than issues with dryness and lack of libido caused by hormonal changes in my organs....menopause has been the biggest blessing in my life. I feel so much better on a daily basis, my moods are more even, I don't have to deal with the monthly agonies. Wouldn't go back for anything. I think I'm done with hot flashes and night sweats too -