Let me tell you that if I saw pictures of my DH in bed with another woman, even fully clothed, he'd have lots of explaining to do.
But, after finding these pics and seeing as how she was hiding her phone and finding out why....I'd just wait it out and see what her future and current behavior is.

If she has plans, meetings or outings that are out of norm for her, I'd check those out.
If her appearance changes as far as weight, hairdo, clothing...I'd look into the reasons why.

If she went looking elsewhere because you're stubborn and a non- talker, then change your style because it ain't working for you.

If you want things to work, then you both need to meet in the middle.

She may have slept with this man. but if she did and you love her and don't want to lose her then just deal with it. It may have been just a fling to prove that someone else found her attractive because you didn't make her feel that way.
if she's got what she wants at home, she won't go looking elsewhere.

Hope it works out for you.

You know, though I don't like to talk about things, I would treat my wife very good. Anything she asked for was hers. Purses, clothes, jewelry, I would pay attention to her very well. So I know it wasn't a thing that she felt neglected. It was more of a I didn't like to talk about our problems. I would just try to get her to stop talking as soon as possible about our problems.
I might be playing down the pictures but, the pictures of them were not so provacatove. Simple ones of them facing up on the camera just taking pics is what she says. Now things between us have gotten better but like I said how do I know how far she went. She says she couldn't bring her self to do anything else with him because it wasn't me and she felt disgusted. Is that something believable??

Does she have a history of telling untruths? If not, then believe her when she tells you nothing else happened. Ypu have nothing to gain by believeing the worst.

If it turns out she's not being truthful, believe me you'll find out soon enough.

But, you mentioned "problems" that you don't want to talk about with her. If there are problems and they're not addressed how do you expect they'll get fixed?

You gave her "things" but were you giving her yourself?

"but like I said how do I know how far she went. "

Don't ask. It really isn't that important, and will only make you anxious, suspicious and (probably) mean. Don't ask. Don't think about it.

"She says she couldn't bring her self to do anything else with him because it wasn't me and she felt disgusted. Is that something believable??"

For a woman, yes, that's very believable. Without knowing your wife, I certainly can't say if it's true or not -- but it's very possible. The thing is -- If you love your wife and want to save your marriage, you need to believe this. I'm not saying close your eyes and bend over. In fact, Mona's suggestions and questions are very prudent. Try to find a balance between too much suspicion and too much naivete -- trust but verify, as they say.

And stop driving yourself nuts worrying about something that may or may not have happened in the past. Work on the future.

You sound like a real prize as a husband - not! I don't blame this poor woman for looking elsewhere.
And if you ever "wake her up with a smack in the face" I hope she calls the cops on you.

what scarlett said.

You snooped on her, you violated her privacy, you don't trust her now, you'll never trust her, you've already woken her up in the middle of the night to terrify her, you'll get more & more obsessed with her "cheating", & you'll eventually do something that will cause both of you a great deal of misery.

Get a divorce & move on.

yes you sound scary to me.

Either forgive and move on, or don't and leave. It is a simple choice really.

The fact is she looked for love and affection elsewhere, why did she do that ? You must show that she is loved, care for, listened to ... and you don't show this by buying her stuff.

Read a book on love and how to show someone you love them, even your son will benefit from those skills.

If you truly love her, forgive.

Don't spend your days blaming, fuming and being angry, it doesn't do you any good or her, or your son.

I must say, you have admitted to some short comings in your character, which is wonderful, for you to face up to that. That is one step closer to you being a more open person. Well done.

OP, the bottom line is, you may never know how far she went. IMHO, a major question here is, can you live with that? Can you put that behind you, and move on?

Another major question is, are you willing to deal with faults and weaknesses in your own life which may have contributed to this problem?

Looking at the big picture -- both sides of the situation -- can help to prevent bitterness from building up in you. Bitterness will only eat at you and cause major problems for you -- not only in your marriage, but in virtually every area of your life.

I encourage you to get counseling for yourself, and counseling for the two of you together at some point if both of you feel it is needful.

All the best to both of you.