This just happened on Saturday... DH and I were invited to a bar-b-que at a friends house in Saugerties, which is about 45 miles north-west of us. They gave my DH directions, which he wrote down and stuffed in his wallet. The instructions specifically stated that "once you cross the 9W and Route 32 intersection, go approximately 500 feet and make a right turn on to St. John's Road...". So off we go to Saugerties and we're driving up Route 9W towards Kingston. (Hint: Saugerties is above Kingston, about another 15 minutes north). We drive and drive and drive and come to a split in the road right before Kingston. Route 32 forks to the right, so DH veered to the right. We go a bit further and get to the point where 9W and Route 32 intersects. We go through the intersection and drive 500 feet. No St. Joseph's Road to the right. We go a bit further up the road but still no St. Joseph's Road. At this point I suggest to DH that he turn around and go back to the intersection, and then take a right because when we veered right at the split, maybe Route 32 also had a section further up the road. At this point DH gets a tad pi$$y because he's admittedly directionally challenged. He starts getting a bit hoppy and hot under the collar, telling me that he's "been there before and he knows where he's going. This street looks familiar so it has to around here somewhere". After driving around for another 10 minutes I start chuckling because I just can't help it. My DH asks me, "what's so funny?", and now I'm really laughing to the point that I can't stop. He's getting angrier by the minute and proceeds to pull over to the side of the road. When I finally couldn't contain myself any longer I ask him, "Are you sure you know where you are, because we're in Kingston and they live in Saugerties". Needless to say we were both laughing so hard the tears were streaming down our cheeks. We swore that we wouldn't tell anyone what dummies we were.

It's always complicated when mom knows...it's important that she have a confidante somewhere that doesn't take sides. If she and her husband can work this out, which they can if they both want to, then they need people cheering them on heart and soul. Otherwise, each time they see you it will remind them of their failures - I recommend the BEST book written for this situation, for her: How Can I Forgive You, by Janis Abrahms Spring. Also, After The Affair by the same author. She's excellent. Better to work it out with a willing parter and create a real relationship (it wasn't real before and during the affair) than to leave, bitter and with baggage. On the ohter hand, if he or she is unwilling, then there's not much that can be done. There are few things in this world more profound and meaningful than going through the painful process of forgiveness and repentance. Once accomplished correctly, nothing can compare. As a mother, your (faked if necessary) neutrality will allow her to make that decision to stay and work on it or to leave, all on her own, which will make her stronger. Hard, isn't it? This life is about learning and growing, changing, discovering what you didn't know about yourself, tweeking, perfecting - this could be an amazing opportunity as painful as it may be for your daughter and husband to truly look at themselves and each other for what is real and what they could have once they become real with each other. Just stinks that sometimes people have to do it the hard way!

She was diagnosed with Lupus when she was a soph. in high school. She nearly died then but it went into remission and stayed in remission until she was in her 60's I don't know if she had multi problems or if the Lupus causes high blood pressure, but hers was very high and they couldn't control it even with taking several blood pressure pills. She sat down in her recliner one evening to read her Bible...and never woke up. The next morning her husband found her there with her open Bible laying on her chest. He though she was asleep. He said she looked so peaceful. She didn't have a real good life but she made the best of it. She was very friendly and loved being with people. She didn't take to my mom who came to take care of the two little ones when my dad's first wife died. She had been with her grandmother and wanted to stay there. I remember she had bad eye problems and hated to wear glasses. I think the kids probably made fun of her. But even though the gave her a lot of problems they were still beautiful. Her son was the highlight of her life. She wasn't supposed to have any children because of her health...but I'm glad it happened anyway.

Pat, its ok, I'm just glad to see your ok....I did buy a tub of the udder cream and white cotton gloves. I also spoke to my doctor. She told me the key in this is prevention...moisturize daily expecially right after a shower when the skin is damp and pores are open...also moisturize hands thruout the day, after hands are in water and even after wearing the rubber gloves because some people have skin reactions from the gloves, and most important hydrate myself, drink plenty of good old fashioned water. Prevention....but once the skin on the fingers open up the skin tears need addressed..she said the more I moisturize the open tears the longer they will take to heal..she actually advised me to put a small dot of super glue on the tears when they are tiny and it should prevent a larger deeper open wound which was what was happening...I haven't tried the glue yet, all of my boo boo's have closed up finially but I'm babying them. I am wearing the playtex gloves for dishes ect. Besides washing dishes with skin issues is just nasty business. You have no idea how many pairs of disposable gloves I go thru lol..I always have. I would never dream of touching raw meat without them lol. Jim, I hear what your saying about the caffeine dehydrating a person. I do only have one cup of coffee in the AM one cup of tea in the afternoon and occasionally a cup of coffee aftet dinner, but that's rare. I drink tons of water since I usually can't stand drinking sweetness. Once in awhile I'll crave a fountain Coke. Oh, my doctor also advised me to keep my hands out of the washing machine LOL..she said detergents are going to dry hand out and expecially any detergent containing SLS. And if I'm going to continue playing in detergent laden water rinse my hands well afterwards, don't just dry them off and call my hands clean, when they will be coated with detergent. Lol...she knows me too well. Anyway thank you all for your excellent advice, and I plan to follow this good advice and hopefully prevent this from happening again.