THE WIFE FROM HELL

A police officer pulls over a speeding car.

The officer says ...

"I clocked you at 80 miles per hour , sir ."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control

at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says:

'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control"

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks

over at his wife and growls,

"Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?"

The wife smiles demurely and says...

"Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector

went off when it did or your speed would have been higher."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the

illegal radar detector unit , the man glowers at his wife

and says through clenched teeth,

"Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine. '

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on,

but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could

get my license out of my back pocket. '

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you

didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat

belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the THIRD ticket,

the driver turns to his wife and barks...

'WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?? '

The officer looks over at the woman and asks...

"Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

(I love this part)

"Only when he's been drinking."