Hi silversword. Thanks for the response. A PI is Public Intoxication. He was actually walking along the sidewalk with one foot on the curb, one foot off, trying to catch a cab. We live in a college town and it was a football rally night and tons of students were out (along with lots of cops to keep things in line). Don't think he was drunk - just had had a drink but the point is: why the heck would you be drinking at all if you just got a DWI 4 days earlier?? I'd be freaked out. That's why we are pretty sure he has a drinking problem. As for drugs, he's said he tried pot but didn't like it at all. Don't think there's coke or anything else involved b/c I think he would be dropping those 30+ lbs he's gained. In fact, I overheard him talking to the Assessment Counselor for that 6 week recovery class we're 'making him' go to and he said only alcohol and 'dip'. But I agree - it does sound/look like drugs. Seriously, to meet my son, you would think he was just fine. Clean cut, manners, talks intelligently - but it's all just that 'performance' he does, I think, because 'if I look good on the outside, I must be okay'. Very sad. Oh- the student loans are $30,000-private university (which we co-signed on and agreed to pay half since he planned to get a business/accounting degree - math brain -and should be making a salary to take on those loans) plus the $8000+ in credit cards plus the DWI lawyer($2500) + fines related to that. Yes, it's huge. And stressful. And unfortunately, to cope, he blows it off. And apparently drinks. He does recognize he's self sabotaging but again, he knows what to do to change and can't make himself do it. I'm thinking more depression. But he refused medication the first time around and I had to agree mainly because he drinks and I was afraid of the combination. Heavy sigh...

Salena, I echo sort of what the others say. It does sound like he is pulling the wool over your eyes. I would suggest that you get ahold of the police report to see what really happened. That might give you more answers to if he is actually pulling the wool over your eyes. As for some of the comments above, lighten up! We are not in her shoes and really don't know what is happening. As for him not being an adult, what in the world do you call a 21 year old? A kid? So he did have alcohol in the vehicle which she did say was unopened. I'm not sure if it was or not but I know of very few 20 year olds that do not drink EVER and if your kids are saying this then I think they are pulling the wool over your eyes. As for bailing him out, I'm not so sure that I would not have done the same thing myself. What I am more concerned about is the fact that he had the prescription drug on him. I'm assuming that he did not have a prescription for this and bought it off the street. This is getting to be a big problem probably even more than meth, at least in this area. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is get the police report, if possible, and make your own judgements about your grandson. If he is addicted, then maybe treatment might be the answer. They have some good programs out there that range from outpatient to inpatient depending on the severity. Maybe a drug education course is all he needs but I'd be doing something and I would NOT turn my back on him. He is only 21! Also, maybe there's an expert out there that can guide you. Hang in there Salena! I'll be thinking about you.

Firstly, about that episode where your bio father suggested sex: you had no way to know to anticipate it, & you had no way to control or stop it. Although it *is* obnoxious, offensive, & disgusting to you & to me, it sometimes happens when bio family members meet for the first time as adults, so much so that counsellors now warn adult children who are meeting their birth parent(s) for the first time to be prepared. & your bio father's family troubles belong to him & to them, not to you. If anything, it sounds like your father brought you into the family to be used as leverage. Dispicable, but the responsibility & the shame belong to your bio father & not to you. Cut yourself free from that particular chain & don't look back. Today is what matters, & you & your children are living under unbearable stress, in a hostile environment, & you're all paying a terrible price. "He thinks I'm evil" is *not* the description of someone you can afford to turn your back on, let alone trust, let alone spend your life with. (note: He doesn't think you're "evil"; he knows that saying that will shatter you, & that's why he does it.) He's been lying to you & manipulating you since before you were married, his family sounds like a co-dependent, disfunctional mess, & sending copies of the facebook pages to all of them sounds like that you've been caught in the same web, going to everybody else for vindication or action instead of dealing with the one person who's actually accountable. If your husband doesn't have any consequences for continuing to behave as he always has behaved, *nothing will change*. He's entirely comfortable, even happy, with his life, he doesn't care that you're unhappy, & he controls you by striking at your most vulnerable points; why would he change anything? It's like raising a child; if you say, "do that one more time & you're losing computer priveleges for a week", & the child does it again, you *have* to take away computer priveleges for a week, or you're just teaching the child that (s)he doesn't have to pay attention to anything you say/threaten, that you're powerless, that (s)he can do *anything* & the worst that will happen is that you'll yell. If you tell your husband that he has to treat you with the respect to which anyone is entitled or you & the children are leaving, & then he says something obnoxious or betrays you by talking to his family about you or does any single obnoxious thing, you *have* to take those kids & leave. (In fact, at this point, I think you have to take the kids & leave anyway; your life & their lives are being corroded every day that you spend in the environment controlled by your husband & his family.) Although it isn't your fault, although you've been manipulated to think you "can't" do anything because you somehow bear the responsibility for his behavior, so far, you've been like the parent who threatens but does not act. Even if your husband never hits you, he's abusing you: A person who controls another person by manipulation, who calls her "evil", who blames her for his own behavior...is an abuser. Get some professional legal help, get some psychological help (abusers *never* go to counselling; they don't want any interference), investigate what kind of help is available for abused wives, & get your kids & get out of there. I wish you the very best.

I too, like SnidelyWhiplash, appreciate the low cost and speed of a keyboard with internet. I was raised in a different time long before the internet when writing ability was important. I believe that good penmanship yet has merit in today.s world, albeit slow compared to the typed word with other modern conveniences. I am saddened to learn that cursive writing is no longer taught in some schools. Its no wonder that today;s students can't write. Printing is slow compared to cursive. Cursive characters are designed to flow smoothly into each other and this speeds writing. It leaves some latitude for individuals to develop their own distinctive styles. although that was frowned upon by teachers of the art some 70 years ago because they were striving to mold the output from everyone to standard form. Lets not forget that this country was built with cursive writing. Case in point: The Declaration of Independence is hand written in ink with a nib pen. The original Constitution was hand written. In fact, all court records such as land descriptions and marriages were hand written until the introduction of the typewriter in the 1880s.