Just a follow up on the "no gifts please" issue, because it is something we all always agonize over, isn't it? It went as we predicted. Our very closest friends got me birthday gifts (in groups of 2 or 3). These are the people with whom we are so close that we give each other gifts for big occasions, party or no party, so we ignore "no gifts, please" if there is a party, because just as we aren't giving a gift because of the invitation, we aren't refraining from giving one because of the invitation, either. Our very, VERY closest friends also got us anniversary gifts (one from a group of three couples, one from one couple) -- same circumstance. Most people either brought a bottle of wine, amaretto, or champagne, a small birthday and/or anniversary gift (about like you would give for a hostess gifts -- candy, a funny little purse mirror, etc.), or nothing. Several (whether or not they could attend the party) made contributions to various charities. Another factor that may have made a difference was the gift my husband gave me -- the best ever. It is an album of stories and memories he asked people to send. Not only do I love it more than anything else he could have thought of, I like the idea that that would help people feel like their contribution to the album WAS a gift -- and they are right! Anyway, the bottom line is that I think that whether or not you put "no gifts, please" on an invitation doesn't make much difference; those who would anyway will anyway, and others might bring something small, but about the size they would probably bring as a hostess gift anyway. The real function is for the hosts to avoid feeling embarrassment about giving themselves a party for a gift-y occasion. So I guess in the future I will stick to no reference at all to gifts, EXCEPT where we are both hosts and also the guests of honor. I still feel, also, that people LIKE giving gifts to their friends. And I'll close with a funny story to that effect from this birthday: one day, about 11:30 am, a couple of weeks before the party, I called my friend G, on her cell phone, to see if she wanted to go to lunch. No answer, so I called A. No answer, so I called N. No answer - !!! "Why don't my friends take my calls," I thought, feeling very unpopular. So I called C, and she and I went to lunch. The next day, G called me, laughing. She said, "Sorry I didn't get back to you until today. I bet you wanted to go to lunch. I was out with A and N, shopping for your birthday present!" They had figured it out and wanted to share the laugh with me. (Good thing I had tried all three of them, eh?) They had fun shopping together, and I love the gift (it's a glass necklace) because it makes me think of them having a good time because of me.

You could have a big platter of fresh sliced cantaloupe and watermelon, heart-shaped cookies, sweet potato casserole or candied yams, cranberry congealed salad and of course, a birthday cake. This pineapple casserole is delicious with ham: Pineapple Cheese Casserole Yields: 12 servings "Pineapple chunks baked with Cheddar cheese, and topped with a buttery cracker crust." 3 (15 ounce) cans pineapple chunks 2 1/2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese 8 tablespoons pineapple juice 8 tablespoons all-purpose flour 1 cup white sugar 30 buttery round crackers, crushed (Ritz crackers) 1/2 cup butter, sliced 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). 2. In a large bowl combine pineapple chunks, cheese, pineapple juice, flour and sugar. Spoon into a 9x13 inch baking dish. Top with crushed crackers and butter slices. 3. Bake in preheated oven for 30 minutes.

Dont feel bad about sending the boys home. Most parents will feel better knowing that it is not a boy/girl sleep over. For activities you could have a Dance Revolution contest. The Dance Revolution is Very popular. It is an activity that the boys and girls can do. Do you have mall close by? You can send the kids on a scavenger hunt at the mall. Break them into groups with a parent for each group to supervise. Have them hunt things like a napkin from McDonalds and a reciept from JcPenny. They dont have to buy anything. They could ask people for their reciepts. Some malls may have ideas for scavenger hunts if you call mall information. As for the spa party for the girls. Do you know someone who works for a salon. They could help with hair and makeup. My mom has a friend who works partime at a Macys counter. I have a bag of perfume sample that i could send to you if you would like them. They would make a great addition to the girl goodie bags.

Don't forget the boys too. I have a vivid and wonderful memory, from my early childhood, of being dressed up by my mother for a special family function. I was primped, poked, combed and made up. It was glorious to have all the attention and the white dress was soft and silky. I was on my best behavior and everyone said I was beautiful. From then on I looked at myself a little differently and felt closer to my mother. I imagine most girls have had this experience. When do little boys get to have anything similar? I guess the closest thing would be winning at sports. My younger sister and I dressed up our little brother in frilly stuff for years (mainly in the winter when the snow was too deep). The three of us are grown and married now and still very close to each other. Was it that early play that helped us bond? When my son was well advanced into the terrible twos, I spent a lot of time thinking about the above questions. My daughter was born when he was two. We had prepared him for it. But eight months later he was defiant and demanding, This is my son I'm thinking about -- from a mothers prospective -- not a little girl playing with her brother. Although my parents did know about us dressing up my brother. Actually they took their "three girls" out to Mc Donalds or the movies every once and a while. Any way I started researching what happens to little boys that have worn girls' clothes. The answer is not much. If kids grow up to be gay, it has nothing to do with what clothes they have had on. We wear guy's clothes all the time. Also some men (adult cross-dressers) have said that when they were kids and wanted to experiment, they were not allowed to. So it became a really big deal for them. They started sneaking, and felt guilty. So I paid a visit to my local thrift shop and found a wonderful little flower girl slip and dress for cheap, some ruffled nylon panties from a square dance shop, a pair of black shoes and white tights from a neighbor. Then on his third birthday we had his special dress up day. His father, my mother and few neighbor moms and children came over for the party. Everyone made a fuss over him and he had ball. Heck he was the bell of the ball. He is six now, the defiance and other problems diminished and then disappeared about two months after that first party. There have been several more since, all in dresses at his request. Robbys' little sister is getting his hand-me -downs. That wonderful little flower girl dress has been very busy. Many of the mothers of Robbys' friends have asked to borrow it for their son's parties (the boys want their turn). Robby is well adjusted and happy. He is devoted to his baby sister and looks out for her. He plays well with others. He enjoys both boy and girl activities. He is looking forward to first grade . At school he knows that he needs to be in boy clothes. But I will be happy to help the next time he wants to play dress-up.