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The Kitchen Table

Bipolar

16 years ago

I think my grown grandaughter is bipolar.One minuet she is fine and the next minuet she is not.It has been almost three weeks now and she has not spoken to me.What would you do?I need some outside sound advice.Should I call her or should I wait it out.She is forty and has a good husband and a good job.I know I'm new at the table but if you get a chance I would like your output.

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Comments (15)

country_bumpkin_al
16 years ago
Any idea why she isn't speaking to you? Did something happen? Reason I ask is because my sister hasn't spoken to me in almost 6 months. I don't think she's bi-polar...just very immature.
country_bumpkin_al
16 years ago
LOL...I meant to Welcome you to the Table!! Just pull up a chair and grab a cup of coffee or something! You're gonna love it here!
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I wrote many more words when I posted last night on this thread, but deleted most of it. I DO see both sides of this discussion, having an autistic grandson and a bipolar son. It is hard for an "outsider" to see a child/sibling being disturbed by the behaviors of those who suffer from some disorders...ie: autism, bi-polar outbursts or rages. I am "disturbed" by them, just as I am disturbed by seizures that epileptics have or heart attack victims have. Those disturbing scenes are opportunities to learn how to deal with unusual disorders. I doubt I will ever forget my first encounter with an epileptic event... or my grandsons' rages during his early years when we didn't know what his disorder was. It IS profoundly scary to children and adults alike....but we are a more enlightened society for discovering that everyone is not the same. Some brains are wired differently and learning to be tolerant of those differences, starting in those "mainstreamed" environments. Maybe the "bullies" of the world need to have it pointed out to them that only a by a quirk of nature they are not the one with the disorder. "But for the grace of GOD go I". BTW, those clips seen on TV are real, but they are "worst case" clips where different therapies and interventions haven't worked. Many more stories need to be told of the successful lives that have been saved by education, tolerance, medicine and all the things that can be done to give everyone a chance to live healthy lives. Nanny
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Peaceofmind, my work involves diagnosing children and adolescents and I can add my voice to the list of others who have pointed out that bipolar disorder is one of the most over-diagnosed conditions among youth. A specialist (psychiatrist) in our area who is locally known as an "overdiagnoser" of bipolar in kids and teens said himself at a research conference that I attended that he believes fewer than half of the diagnoses of bipolar in teens and children are correct. I've seen it applied to kids who would more accurately be diagnosed with social phobia, seasonal affective disorder, plain depression, drug abuse, video game addiction, anxiety disorder, run of the mill teen angst, and even autism spectrum disorders. There are even large variations by state/region in the numbers of kids diagnosed with bipolar, indicating that other factors than its actual occurrence in a population are at play. Which is only to say that her prognosis may be better over the long term than if she were going to struggle with true bipolar disorder all her life. It is good she is getting treatment. The report she has given of her time in the hospital and her feelings about her own family after being there is a very common one. Regarding her feelings about the new family members: many people experience post-partum depression even when the baby they just had is very much wanted. Likewise, post-adoption depression is a real thing and it happens to more adoptive parents than you might expect--even when the adoption is much desired . The addition of a sibling group is inherently a major reorganization of the family and stressful, no matter how wonderful the new arrivals are. I hope your granddaughter can get support for the fact that it's a major adjustment and feels okay about having mixed feelings if she does. It's common for kids to feel both affection for newly adopted siblings and homesick for the routines and roles that existed before they arrived. It can help them to know that their parents accept both feelings and are likely having both kinds of feelings themselves. Best of wishes to your GD and the whole family. I hope it will get much better soon.
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pris
16 years ago
Has your SIL said anything about it? I had a secretary once who had emotional problems. One day she would be bouncing off the ceilings (happy and loud) and the next she cried all day. We finally got her to see her family doctor and he put her on some medication which helped quite a bit. I don't know why she's not speaking to you but if it's because you tried to get her to do something about it, you might talk to the SIL and see if he can handle it. If he hasn't noticed anything (and he lives with her every day) then it could be you are worrying over nothing. In any case, he would be the one to do something.

By the way. Welcome to the table. You'll love it.
goldy
Original Author
16 years ago
Went to her house for Christmas.When I walked in she never stopped what she was doing.I thought she would at least say"Hi grandma"Nothing.So I sit down and the rest of the day was quite a strain.She gave me alarge gift.The next week for new years she brought over the makeings for a party includeing a bottle of wine.That is the last I have heard from her.I can't keep playing these games I'm a 80year old lady without much time left.It seems to me when A person reaches that age anything they do wrong should be overlooked.But for the life of me I don't know what I did."Bipolar bipolar I think she got the bipolar.
monica_pa Grieves
16 years ago
So, you haven't heard from her for 3 weeks, and you think she has a mental illness?
She could just be very busy.
It's a shame you feel neglected, and I hope whatever has kept her so busy will soon end.

Do you have other family members who live near you....children, more grandchildren, nieces and nephews?

Why don't you join us here at the KT, there's plenty to talk about, always someone here, and we'd like to get to know you.
yborgal
16 years ago
I'd just pick up the phone and call her to say hello and ask how she's been. I'd make no mention of what you suspect and I wouldn't say anything about how you feel she ignored you at Christmas.

For all you know, she could have had an arguement with her husband and was trying to keep it from you so she just kinda kept to herself that day. Things may not be good for her at hoome right now and she's trying to figure out what to do.
lydia1959
16 years ago

to the kitchen table!!

I don't think that not speaking to someone is a sign of bipolar. My cousin is bipolar and when she is in the manic state she talks a lot, spends a lot of money and is generally overexcited. When she is in her depressed state she will still talk to people.. she just has symptoms of depression.

I'd just call her and ask her what is wrong if you honestly don't think you did something to make her angry with you. I don't think she is bipolar.
yayagal
16 years ago
Goldy I doubt there's a serious problem or she wouldn't have given you the gift or come over but maybe she feels it would be nice if you called her. I know my granddaughter calls me often but if she misses for a while I just assume she's busy and leave a message to call me when she has a chance. Younger people have busier lives. There comes a time when we older ones have to celebrate the time we have to spend with them and be satisfied with it. Your feelings were probably hurt on Xmas when she didn't stop what she was doing but that happens. I'm sure it wasn't out of mean spiritness. Just give her a call and be your sweet self. Welcome to GW.
jemdandy
16 years ago
you said she had a nice husband, family, and a job. Wait a minute: a family AND a job! Maybe she is too busy and engrossed in her life and job to give much attention to anyone else. I hope that is the case and not that she's tiffed at you for a preceived infraction. However, if you two live near each other, it would be nice if you could maintain a civil relationship. Assure her that you do not intend to be burden to her when you become ancient and incompacitated. Tell her of your plans to meet that need if and when it arises. That may relieve your GD of a nagging concern.
goldy
Original Author
16 years ago
Well I'm glad no one thinks my diagnostics are right.I would make a bad "head Doctor".I took your advice and called her,and with a tinny voice she said "I will call you grandma after church"So now I'm waiting.Just because I'm retired and have nothing to do She is a busy woman.I'm glad I brought this to the kitchen Table.Save my chair I will be back.Thanks to you all I feel much better.
monica_pa Grieves
16 years ago
Now Goldy...y'all hurry back here.
I'm also retired, with not much to do....but I'm slowly getting involved with what I really want to do - volunteering my time to help others. I'm a member of a Prayer Shawl group at church and a meal program that cooks and delivers meals to those who can't.
kacram
16 years ago
Hi Goldy! Welcome!
cheri2008
16 years ago
Welcome Goldy, Just let you granddaughter know you have missed her, and you love hearing from her.
goldy
Original Author
16 years ago
All is well.with me there is always something new.You will be hearing from me again.Glad I found you.
Pooh Bear
16 years ago
What you describe doesn't fit with bi-polar disorder.
Take a look at schizophrenia and see if anything there fits.
Doesn't sound like that either but it is a place to start.

Pooh Bear

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