I've never seen that around here. As a matter of fact, it's not generally spelled out in the obit that the person IS going to be cremated. And you cannot tell, even if a cemetary is mentioned, whether a person is being cremated or not. We had my aunt cremated, then buried her ashes in the family plot (MUCH cheaper than a full-out burial with a casket, etc).

Same here Azzalea, it is not normally listed as such. The only hint is that there is not visitation listed, they usually just list a memorial service or that the family is receiving friends and family...... Last year when one of my favorite people in the world passed away his service was listed as a Celebration of Life and all were invited to share in the memories.

I just took a look at local obituaries here, and not one of them mentioned cremation. I don't think I've ever seen one that did, come to think of it.

When a loved one dies, the family writes and pays for the obit. That's why some are very long. I didn't realize that until my mother passed away last year. Her local obit was $65 and it included the usual bio info, etc., the one in the state capital newspaper only included her full name, town and age and it was $100. We didn't have a funeral [good thing - major snowstorm that day], but rather a memorial service in early summer. Everyone had been together with her in the early fall.
It drove a lot of people nuts that we didn't have a funeral, kept explaining that she didn't want one.. Then people want to know 'where she was'.... spiritually? physically??
Oh and a word to the wise -- let who ever is in charge of your estate know what you'd like... don't write a note and leave it in a safety deposit box... Mom wanted her body donated... too late for that -- you have to have paperwork & have it approved, etc.. well in advance..

I don't remember the terminology, but I have seen a couple obits in our local paper that indicated a service to follow cremation.

I do think cremation is being used more now than in the past, for a variety of reasons, including cost. It is not my choice, and wasn't for my DH.

My eldest brother was cremated by his choice. He had never married and was the first born child to my parents, who would not have chosen cremation, but it was his choice.

The urn for his remains stayed in a dresser drawer until my mother died, my father having died before her. When she died, there was the question of the urn. We all agreed to my suggestion, and it was put into the casket with my mother. Still together, forever.

Sue

Our once a week paper does not state weather you are cremated or being buried. When our daughter passed away in Dec. we had never talked to her about what she wanted if she died, she knew our wishes but we did not know hers. I think a liv. will & will is very important no matter what you own or don't own. We are finding out just how hard it is to do anything without a will. In TN you can't change a P.O. address or cut off elect. & don't even try to cancel a credit card without a death certificate. This is just the beginning of the problems we are having. Everyone should take the time to make out legal documents while they can.

Sue - Together, forever - that sounds like the perfect solution.

I've never noticed cremation in the obits either. My DH and I plan on cremation.

Once in a while I will see an obit that mentions cremation. My church has niches for cremains that may be purchased. I didn't used to like the idea of cremation but then both my mom and her sister wanted to be cremated and have their ashes scattered at sea. It is much less expensive than buying a casket and a cemetery plot. I have decided I want to be cremated.

I can't remember seeing an obit with mention of cremation. Never gave it any thought until now.

Mary - I am so sorry for what you are having to go through after the death of your daughter. It must be very heart-wrenching trying to deal with everything.

I am sorry, too, Mary. I cannot imagine your pain. I know how my mom suffered when my brother died.

My mother is still alive. It was her desire to have my brother's ashes buried with her, but when she prepaid for her funeral we were told that in Illinois you cannot simply put the urn of ashes, or even a baggie, into the grave/casket of another. You must pay to have a second grave opened to bury the ashes.

My sister in law died at 93, and had lived in Montana for years. She was cremated and her son wanted to bring her ashes back to be buried near relatives. The priest OKed it for her to share her parents burial plot....we had a lovely service for her and a picnic for all of the family afterward. She'd have been so happy with that.

We have a lot of cremations mentioned in the Tampa Bay Times. Harry and I have already prepaid ours. I'll have to look tomorrow to see the wording--I took all the papers to the recycle bin this afternoon.

I've never noticed cremation mentioned in an obituary, and I've read a lot of them while working for newspapers.

The newspapers in our area have differing policies on paying for obits. When my daughter died, one newspaper was free, another paid for by the funeral home (included in my fee, I'm sure), and the third charged me $235 because I wanted to list Jill's 10-year-old niece (my granddaughter) as one of the survivors. Jill was very close to her. I paid, and I'm glad I did. But I think the paper should change its policy.

Mom specifically wanted a direct cremation. She told her friends she would haunt us forever if we didn't respect her wishes. She told the funeral home and they really let us know what she wanted too. We just had a celebration of her life at a park. Nothing in the obit that she would be in an urn.
I still tear up thinking how wonderful that "party" was.

I am 82 years old and most of my friends are gone.The insurance I took out years ago will just about get me in the ground.I have left instructions to be creamated.Will still have a funeral but no one will have to follow me to the grave I will be taken out the back door and it will be "over"The main thing is where I will be in the end.God and I only know.

Very common in my area to mention cremation in the obits as well. Normally it will state, "cremation has taken place", or "according to his/her wishes, cremation has taken place". Sometimes they mention that a memorial will be held at a later date and occasionally where the ashes were spread.

DH and I are going to be cremated. It's not only a lot cheaper, it saves land for something other than burial and lets face....in a lot of familes the remaining members don't go to the cemetary after a while.

when we bought our house in Joliet it was from a lady whose husband had died. (he was buried not far away). All her kids lived in Florida so she decided to move there too. We kept getting notices from the cemetary asking for payment for the upkeep. guess she didn't want that responsibility. So the entire immediate family had moved and there he was.....buried with no one to visit him.

SamKaren
your resident DJ

Since this thread has sort of turned to our specific plans...

One of the nice things about being cremated is that you CAN be buried in your family plot, without taking up an actual grave space. Our cemetary (and I'm sure many others) allow ashes to be buried in a 'full' grave, on top of the other 'occupants'. We're down to only 5 spots left, so to conserve those spaces for others, DH and I will be cremated, and after the both of us are gone, our ashes will be buried in the grave where my parents are. We had one grave that was incorrectly dug back during WWII--they're double graves, but my grandfather wasn't buried deeply enough for the second person to be added on top. So my aunt requested that we have her cremated and her ashes buried in that space--which is fine with the cemetary. It's a great loophole that cemetaries allow the burial of ashes in full graves. Great money saver--for those who might be able to use that option.

My mother wanted to be buried and my father wanted to be cremated. They decided that whichever one of them died first would get their wish, and the other would do the same as the first.

As it turned out, Mama died first, so she was buried. Daddy bought two plots, side by side. Then 34 days after Mama died, Daddy died. So, according to their agreement, he would be buried, too. But, a large tree near the plots had grown roots in such a way that the second plot couldn't be used. The cemetery paid all costs for re-digging Mama's grave to be deep enough for two caskets. She's on the bottom, and Daddy's on top. :-)

When my brother was first hospitalized and not expected to live through the night, I realized that as much as we had talked about the fact that he had a terminal illness (he was HIV+), we hadn't ever talked about what he wanted done when he died. It was the most awful night of my life, not knowing if he wanted to be cremated or buried. He survived the night -- he lived for just over a year longer -- and we talked about it ALL. He wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered in Hawaii, which is what we did.

I agree wholeheartedly with everyone who has said that you need to make your wishes known in advance by more than one person. To leave family behind, not knowing what you really want, is not right.

Hubs and I both want to be cremated.

"In TN you can't change a P.O. address or cut off elect. & don't even try to cancel a credit card without a death certificate. This is just the beginning of the problems we are having. "

Mary - When my Mom died in California, even WITH a will we had to present a death certificate in order to get anything cancelled/changed. Some will accept photocopies, others require a certified copy. Depends on who you are dealing with. It is such an added burden on top of your grief.

I've settled 2 estates in the past 5 years. Not only do you need to have a stack of death certificates on hand for those who want to see them, but even more importantly, you need to have a bunch of short certificates (those authorizations you get when you file the will for probate). Actually--other than the county surrogate and the other beneficiaries, I've never shown the wills to anyone. You don't go around flashing a will to the electric company, insurance companies, etc. And only a few people need death certificates--most want to see the short certs--they not only confirm the death, but they authorize the executor(trix) to conduct business for the estate.

One tip--because death certificates aren't cheap--whenever anyone asks to see one, offer it, but insist that they make a copy and return the original to you. I do that with both death certificates and shorts. Most places will, or will eventually return the certificate(s) once the transaction is complete, at least.

It's not that big a deal to settle an estate--it seems more complicated than it is, simply because it's uncharted waters for most of us, AND because we have to do it when we're least able emotionally to handle taking on a bunch of new chores. Your surrogate's office will guide you through a lot of the process when you go in for your appt. to register the will. And your accountant will be helpful with all the financial stuff. Otherwise, take a deep breath, and relax--it's doable, and you'll get through it, but don't expect anything to be resolved overnight (1 year plus and aunt's estate still isn't settled, not because I haven't done my part, but because the state inheritance tax bunch are dragging their feet).

My grandpa was buried when I was only 6 years old. I just hated the thought of him down there, in the grave. A few years later some important person in our town was cremated and then the urn was buried. That is when I decided I wanted to be cremated.

I have known this just about all my life, and my kids know.

Moni

Fire is one of the few things that I'm terrified of, so I told my family that I didn't want to be put in that fire, knowing full well that I would never feel it. As I've gotten older, though, I've changed my mind. I don't want my children to feel burdened by having to visit my grave site. I would really like to have my ashes scattered over our land that I love so much.

I prefer a warm fireplace to a damp, chilly basement.

Dad, with family connections in this area and having farmed here till in his mid-40s and coping with substantial breathing problems, moved to Saskatchewan and farmed there for a number of years: he had 40 years of good health, out there. Largely because he expected to die there and wished to be buried in the family plots here, and next to my mother, he planned on cremation, as the easiest way to deal with the movement that would be required. Actually, at 86, he was killed in a car smash in this area where he'd grown up.

When I attended stockbroker-sponsored seminar with lawyer re estate planning a few months ago ...

... I asked what rules would apply to my being rolled into a sheet and dropped into a hole in (former) Uncle's farm: he didn't know. Or, more likely, my Dad's, later my (now retired) brother's farm in Saskatchewan. Trouble is - his only child, son, has no intereest in farming and none of his brothers' or sister's offspring do - so it'll go out of the family before too many years.

Next question to the lawyer: if I will my body to med. school, on which incipient doctors can learn their trade ... can I also donate some body parts to someone who needs them? He didn't know that, either.

Actually ... as I understand it, the med. school (usually?) returns the body, at a much later date, and the family can deal with it as they choose. I'd think that having a public recognition of some sort might be something of an anti-climax, at that late date - but it might encourage others to donate their bodies to a med. school.

Probably more information than many of you have any interest - and most likely the rules in your area would vary, in any case.

ole joyfuelled - still happily inhabiting this body - to which he's become rather accustomed