Wow, this is tough. The law requires a car seat...does your brother not understand that?

My late FIL refused to wear a seatbelt. He and I had to go pick up my stepson for visits, and I tried everything I could to cajole him into wearing it. Finally, I refused to start the car until he put it on. He eventually got to the point where he wore it when I was in the car, and later, after getting a ticket for not wearing one, he wore it faithfully.

But that is different, I was in control. I think I might say to them exactly what you said here. Emphasize that the babies safety is paramount to you, and while you would love to spend more time with him, you refuse to endanger him in any way.

I'd be willing to bet that the baby pretty much rules that household, and he won't sit in a carseat because he's ruled Momma into holding him. What if you got one and drove to their place, and take him for a ride to the destination, with him in the carseat?

Please don't give up on this campaign. It's a life at stake here!

I'm not suggesting you do this--I don't think I could "turn in" a relative--but there are some states with a program called "Be A Buckle Buddy" where people can report online the license plate of a car with an unbuckled/no car seat child inside, anonymously. Maybe if you let him know that not only the police, but others, are watching them, they'll be a little more careful.

First, don't refrain from inviting your brother's family to visit. You have no control over his and his wife's choice about not using a carseat, and no reason to feel any guilt if something tragic did happen. You're more likely to be able to be a positive influence if you maintain a relationship with them.

I think that most states offer a brochure on child carseat safety, and there are some available in pdf format that you can print at home. Some are also available in languages other than English, in case that might be helpful. You can present your brother & SIL with this information and hope they take it to heart.

Going further and informing someone (whether their pediatrician, who might have more influence, or the police - who will probably only be able to respond if the family is on the road with the child at the time) could mean that your relatives will choose to cut you out of their lives. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but it's a risk you take.

Unfortunately, your SIL isn't alone in making the decision to not use carseats. I hope she will be persuaded to change her mind, or at least your brother will stand up to her and insist that this is too important to let slide.

You could buy a toddler/preschooler booster seat and install it in your car's backseat, then offer to take your SIL and nephew on an outing. If you talk about how he can see more out of the window and make it a positive thing, maybe he will want to sit in it and that will convince his mother to let him.

Better to have a second of the little one's life be unhappy, as the alternative, heaven forbid, could be a scenerio I don't think you or I would even want to imagine.

Big red flags, if you feel comfortable, what type of culture does your SIL come from? The point being - overall is that your SIL has now been living in the States for enough time to know it is a law to restrain a child in a carseat of some sort or the other from the moment you leave a hospital in a car with an approved infant seat (hospital's check), up to including a booster or whatever seat is need until the child weighs 80 lbs. When my DD was a child, the 80 lb rule was not on the books. Being that she was so slight of build and underweight, I was a nervous wreck when she was in the car, and she was legally restrained in the back seat.

Gosh, this is a tough one for you bestyears. Can your brother possibly present the unwanted scenarios to your SIL? I mean if your brother married her, I would hope she's at least willing to listen to his point of view. Also, the law trumps it all. I realize that your SIL doesn't now drive with the child. However, she may want to venture out as he gets a bit older and can (in a perfect world) sit still under a lap belt. Thinking about my own child and the years of Gymboree, pre-school, playdates, etc. Gosh, the child is going to have to be in the car when your brother is at work and your SIL is going to have to drive him. I cannot imagine any scenario where your SIL could keep this child on her lap until he rides a school bus?

What does your SIL do with your nephew when she goes out with a girlfriend or whatever for an outing with the kids?

If I were your brother, and my wife wouldn't comply, I don't what I would do. I would perhaps tell my wife that the car doesn't move without the child in the car seat. But that's just my way. Primarily for his safety, but should there be an accident, the liability insurance carrier for your brother as well as any other involved vehicle could decline to cover injuries sustained, if any, by a child unrestrained. Also, keep in mind that the appropriate fines associated with not restraining a child would be charged to the driver (your brother), accident or no. If he were to be pulled over for a bad tail light, the police officer could easily see the child on your SIL's lap, or an empty car seat.

It just flips me out and I'm not related. I hear too many bad results each morning on the news because of a child being unrestrained. I guess your SIL doesn't realize she is doing the child a disservice at least and could be charged with child endangerment if you have a very "no tolerance" with that particular statute in the town/city/state where they reside. Also, this is something that needs to be dealt with yesterday IMHO.

For the future when the child reaches an age to sit under a belt - albeit illegal, I don't think I would provide her a vehicle to transport the child that didn't contain a child safety seat, AND would not be at all happy should she venture out with the child unrestrained.

I think 18 mos is far beyond the right time to be sure the child is restrained even for the most compassionate of mother, whom I want to believe has her own good intention.

Should she still decline, your brother certainly has alot of emotional stress each and every time he transports his family.

Is there a car seat in the vehicle that is going unused? Does your brother restrain the child when they go out in the car alone? I am assuming yes, so the child isn't being placed in an unhappy moment when he travels with his dad on their own?

Boy, this is a tough one!

He said it is because she doesn't want a second of the little one's life to be unhappy, and the baby doesn't like the carseat.

It appears they have a carseat, it's just not being used.

Only your brother is in a position to change his wife's position, so I would be harping at him about this. What YOU could do is suggest ways that he could go about changing the situation. He could start by introducing the child to the carseat in the house. Or he could simply demand that the child be in a carseat otherwise the child doesn't get in the car.

I wonder how involved he is in the child's life given how much time the wife spends with the child.

Since you have voiced your concern about the car seat it's likely that they will suspect you if a report is made. How will you handle that? I would think about that and have a plan, but I probably would make the call. Car seats are a critical safety issue.

I would not make any other remarks to them about child rearing choices- the things that you refer to as "red flags" are widely accepted in many circles, and very common in my community where quite a few practice attachment parenting. You will not have any credibility on the truly life threatening issue if you are openly critical of their other choices, especially since you don't have a pre-existing close relationship with them.

I hope that this ends well for all of you- with a buckled baby!

I'd have another talk with your brother and tell him he knows the dangers of not being in a carseat. Only he can convince his wife to put the child in one. Use the excuse of what was said above, a second of being uncomfortable is worth it.

Then tell your brother to suggest to his wife that she can still sit in the back seat with the baby and entertain him while he's in the carseat.

What a hard one this is. Good luck!

OMG!! I can't imagine what this child will be like when he is a teenager if her only goal of parenting is to make her child happy all the time! I'd be turning her in myself. I'm sorry but this is neglectful parenting.

I agree with everything said above. My son is a police officer in Savannah and, with an infant himself, is militant about safety seats. He always charges drivers if child is not restrained and refuses to let them continue in the car if there's no car seat. The safety issue is paramount, but your brother is also risking a huge ticket and a taxi ride home.

Since Jr. already rules the house, it's going to be pure he11 when he has to start riding in a car seat instead of mama's lap. I can just imagine the brother talking his wife into "trying" it just once and Jr. will put up such a fuss that the wife will say it doesn't work, etc, etc.

Like Golddust, I'd be turning them in, too. Can you talk to someone at the police dept. to find out if they have any ideas? Something tells me that even being ticketed won't change mama's mind.

My DD hated to be confined in any way when she was a baby. She screamed, and I mean SCREAMED, almost any time she had to go in a car seat. I just turned the radio up. (Or made my two DS sing to her -- for some reason, if they sang, she stopped. The boys are teenagers now and they still remember hating to sing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' over and over again.) I mean, it never once occurred to me to NOT put her in a car seat.

I think I would have a hard time not turning her in. I know it's a terribly difficult decision, but as others have said, a baby's life is at stake here.

Your brother needs to grow some ... and insist that the baby be put in a car seat. I know many men give into their wives for one reason or another on things but this involves the life of his child, there should be no giving in on this subject.

None of my babies LIKED being in a car seat, especially turned backwards when they were wee ones. By 18 months, however, they were used to it. What is with people who are willing risk their children's lives in exchange for immediate gratification? Your SIL needs to enroll in parenting classes. I suspect this is only a symptom of greater issues. Poor child. Receiving an expensive ticket would be a huge favor to the child.

I'm fuming.. I feel that car seats are a must - it's the best law ever written.. seat belts I disagree with being a law; I feel that any adult should be able to make up their own mind - while it saves people - people also die because of them. I know someone that is paralyzed due to a helmet & almost drowned in a ditch because the full face helmet filled with water - he couldn't move to get it off.

Anyway - the child does not have a say - yeah; it doesn't like to be in the car seat - but will eventually learn to not mind it - what baby knows it's for their own good? God forbid they have an accident & the child is injured for life - when it gets old enough they will be lucky if the child even speaks to them because they didn't love him enough to make him be in the car seat & now their life is changed forever.

If it was me; I would be turning them into law enforcement - I wouldn't care if they never spoke to me again if it saved my nephews life.

You tube has tons of videos - car seat crash tests

child in mothers lap

belted parent/ Unrestrained infant

Here is a link that might be useful: car seat vs no car seat

Thanks all... Sounds like we are all in violent agreement, LOL! Some asked about country of orgin -Russia.

A couple of ideas are giving me food for thought here... I think I might suggest to my brother that he place the carseat in the house to let the child get used to it. And then try it by himself with the baby in the car (while mom is at home). I'm glad someone brought up attachment parenting, because while SIL may not use that terminology, I think that is pretty much what SIL practices. As I tried to express, AP isn't my style, but I very much respect that this is their child, and it isn't my place to preach to them. How do AP babies handle carseats? Since they are pretty much on or with their parents whenever they want, what happens when they would rather be in mom's lap than the carseat? That might be really helpful/useful info.

Agreed, my brother definitely needs to grow a set in this regard. It's interesting because she has a 15 year old stepson, very sweet boy, but socially fragile, who will only eat/do etc. what HE wants, albeit in a quiet, nonthreatening manner. SIL doesn't seem to want to step in when it comes to eating habits, grades, chores, etc. I'm hoping this is a good move for the boy, who hasn't had it easy the last few years, and we can all help him out. My brother makes comments when he is worried about the older one, such as "Well, I'll be there for this one, and can make sure that doesn't happen." I'm not sure when he thinks he ought to kick in a bit...LOL...

Gosh, I'm just not sure about turning them in. The baby will only be in the car with my brother driving, so I think I might give it a week or two of working on him and see what happens.

Truly, I am speechless. Time for a frank talk with both of them --- better an unhappy child than a dead one. If the talk doesn't work, then I would contact authorites - starting with the Buckle Buddy or your state's equivalent. That organization, I believe, is purely educational & won't persue criminal penalities. I have reported several vehicles over the years. I am sure it won't be long before someone phones 911 when they see them. Hopefully it will happen before a car accident. You might want to advise your brother that if this happens, he, as the driver, will be the one paying the price.

Personally, I would not invite them over or arrange an activity because I wouldn't want it on my conscience if, God forbid, something were to happen. BUT, I would let them know WHY you aren't inviting them over.

"According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, motor vehicle crashes are the #1 killer of kids in age groups 1-14. Safe Kids USA says motor vehicle crashes are the #1 cause of unintentional injury-related death for all children 14 and under. While some crashes are unsurvivable, over 57% of deaths for children 0-15 were because the child was unrestrained. Many more were improperly restrained. Nationally, the misuse rate for child safety seats is over 80% and as high as 95% in some areas. The good news is that correct use of car seats and boosters does save lives. Infant seats have been shown to reduce fatal injury by 71%, and toddler seats by 54%. The information and links on this web page can help you with one of the easiest and most important ways you can protect your children."

Besides the obvious issue with the car seat the whole mentality that they are trying to make sure the child is never unhappy *and he is realizing he can control the situation by displaying his uphappiness. They are setting this kid up for a lifetime of thinking everything is supposed to please him...and the obvious disappointment when it doesnt.

This particular thread has been on my mind all day. I was doing some early holiday shopping, but taking particular notice of the moms and their little ones getting in and out of cars.

Every child I saw today, and I've been out since early this morning, was restrained in a car seat. Some rear facing and others forward facing - in the backseat. I saw one mom in front of WS, put the car seat into the front seat, facing her so that she could feed her little one a bit of lunch. Made me smile as I saw her clean the little one up and put the car seat back into the back seat of her car, carefully buckling it in.

Your brother, or someone that your SIL respects, must sit down with her. Have to tell you that I am a little more concerned reading that she already has an older child, and has more than likely down this same road when the older child should have been restrained in a car seat. Sad that she doesn't see that the car seat thing is a safety issue, not having anything to do with the happiness of the child therein.

She needs to be told that unless she follows the seat-belt laws, she will be either turned in my a stranger, or someone else that can separate a bit more than you, SIL being your brother's wife. Also, besides putting her toddler's life in danger, she is violating a motor vehicle statute enacted specifically to prevent and to protect children, even if it is from their own parents' ignorance or irresponsibility. Have asked your brother if he would feel responsible if something were to happen to his son?

We are a family comprised of many police officers. Any one of whom would quickly and without a second thought, write your SIL a ticket for child endangerment, whilst writing your brother a ticket for the child being unrestrained. It isn't going to fly when they tell a police officer or worse, DYFS, that they don't want their little one to have a moment of unhappiness.

Perhaps sharing some of the statistics provided above, may be a tool toward awakening your SIL to the ways and laws here in the States. She isn't living in her first culture.

I don't know that I could turn my own brother in to the authorities, although I might consider it if this behavior goes on much longer. Also, the longer it goes on, the harder it is going to be to have a happy child in a car seat. My DD never complained, but there were even suggested solutions above to ease the child into sitting in his car seat happily (at least most of the time). There are times when kids make their bodies rigid, making it tough to get them into the car seat. At that point, it is a parents' responsiblity to get the child into the seat and belted in properly.

I recently witnessed a woman who was cited for an issue with her vehicle involving her children. A few weeks ago I was legally parked outside of a convenience store after a run with DH. A woman pulled her car in next to ours, which was not a legal spot, rather parked pratically sideways in an effort to afford her easy access to to the store. She left the ignition running with 3 little ones inside her vehicle as she proceeded to run in to the store for a few things. Didn't even bother to lock the door. Well in our State we have an "no idling" law. Besides being illegally parked, the officer wrote the mother of the children a tickets for leaving the car idle, leaving the children unattended in a vehicle which was running and then the female office proceeded to tell this woman that she better not contest the ticket, as the officer would be sure to show up to give testimony against her. The officer further dressed her down about how dangerous and unresponsible her behavior had been.

Unfortuantely, the whole "talk" was nothing more than an inconvenince for this particular woman who was trying to quickly enter her vehicle to leave the store. The officer was yelling at her through her driver's side window, telling her she better change her attitude or DYFS would be the next officer standing on her doorstep.

Thankfully there are people in positions of authority to punish the behavior of irresponsible parents. I hope your brother comes to his senses before this happens to him.

I'd be throwing a wall-eyed fit. I don't think putting the car seat inside the house so he can get used to it will work. This child is being taught how to manipulate situations. Even if he loves it in the house, it will be on his exact terms. He needs to learn there is no other choice but sit in his seat in the car. Period.

I've been thinking about this all day too. This mom needs to understand her precious can be removed from her custody in the USA for this offense.

Best years - I don't have any new ideas to add. I went through something of a similar nature with a close friend and after speaking up she became annoyed and it really out a chill into our relationship. You're in a tough situation but the safety of the children must come first. I hope some of these suggestions work out for you.

Bestyears, do you know how long ago the last car seat attempt occurred? I ask because I think many babies hate the "baby bucket" type car seat. My youngest was that way- screaming at the top of his lungs from door to door. When I switched him into a convertible type seat he was much happier. Once he was able to ride forward facing he stopped all of the fussing. Of course your brother and SIL are now in the pickle of having to introduce an older baby to a car seat.

I don't know if there is an official AP line on this (I'm pretty crunchy but don't follow AP) but the AP parent is going to want to pursue the most gentle method. They are not going to want to force the kid and then ignore the crying. My guess is they would advise having the baby sit in the seat (while car is parked) and doing favorite things (reading books, favorite snacks, singing songs) for a short time each day, then doing the same with buckling, and finally driving short distances. They would probably also advise SIL to try to nurse him in the seat. How one could do that I cannot imagine!

I've thought about this some more and I think in your shoes I would make one more attempt to talk to brother and SIL. I would set aside my anger and communicate solely from a place of love and concern (that is the only way they will listen). I would talk about the dangers and use the You Tube videos. I would talk about the legal consequences- including Social Service intervention. I would offer to help in any way possible and I would be specific (for example, being the driver during the introduction of the car seat, going shopping for a seat together). If they agree, I would follow through and be their ally in the process.

If that didn't work, I would probably make a report. I would do everything I could to make sure that law enforcement/social services understood that these parents do love and care for their child.

I admire your love for your nephew and your desire to intervene, Bestyears.

Oh for cryin' out loud! Do you know a cop? I'd arrange to have her stopped by law enforcement. I realize that's very drastic, but she's an idiot.

Maybe you can find some car crash test videos to show her. I've linked to one that's debating front facing or rear facing--the kid wouldn't be alive if someone had been holding him.

Here is a link that might be useful: Front facing or Rear facing? Car seat safety TRUE STORY crash test videos

OMG. I can't believe this. I would report it in a heartbeat. What would she do if she had twins, or when and if they have another child, pick and choose? When you start them from the first day they know nothing different. My grandson panicks if I even start my car before he has buckled his own booster seat in. Report it please!!

Wow, I am pretty into AP (it's not an all or nothing thing really) and I would never consider not putting my child in a carseat. That is just plain crazy!

Also just to clear some things up, the whole philosophy behind AP is that by being in tune and responsive to your baby's cries, you raise a child who is confident and independent. It is NOT the same as indulgent parenting, or letting your kid rule the roost... certainly not in matters of safety! And an 18 month old is not the same as a newborn either... my baby HATED the car seat and screamed his head off but it was something he needed to get used to and he did... I just did everything I could to make it as easy as possible on him such as soothing and distracting, singing and playing and listening to music. Using AP as an excuse for irresponsible parenting is a little like using religion as an excuse to kill someone. There is not an AP parent I know who would be behind this no car seat thing... in fact, most of the AP proponents I know favor extended rear-facing car seats for as long as the child meets the height and weight requirements for their seat to be rear-facing.

I agree also that a lot of babies do NOT like the bucket style seat. They are ergonomic nightmares really, especially if your child has reflux (mine did, I suspect most babies have a little bit of reflux just due to immature digestive systems), so one solution might be to just get a regular convertible seat that goes down to 5 lbs with inserts (Britax is the one I have but I'm sure there are many others).

And yes, by 18 months old, your child has learned that crying will get a response out of you. They are still for the most part non-verbal, and it is still (IMO) for the most part to respond to your child's cries at this age, but it is not necessary to respond in the same way you would to your newborn. Responding to your baby's cries is NOT the same thing as "giving them anything and everything just to make them stop." When my son cries in his car seat (he is 28 months now and is good most of the time but cranky sometimes still) I talk to him, I tell him that we are going to be wherever we are going soon, I offer him toys, and if all else fails I grit my teeth and know within a few minutes he will be out cold because he is just utterly exhausted. And yes, at this age he is still not THAT verbal... not enough to express what he is feeling except in the most rudimentary of ways, and crying is still a method of expression... but another one of the points behind AP is to be connected enough to your child to understand the meaning behind their cries. A newborn will cry because they want to be held or are hungry or soiled, a 2 year old will cry for about a million more reasons and it's kind of up to you to figure out why. Crying is a perfectly appropriate expression of frustration and anger and exhaustion... feelings that are common among toddlers... and it is perfectly appropriate at that age for an AP parent to question their toddler about why they are crying and try to get them to use their words rather than cry, but it still doesn't mean that they are going to necessarily get what they want... ESPECIALLY when safety is involved.

I am very concerned about the happiness of my child as well but as someone else said, part of raising a truly happy child is helping them learn to deal with inevitable disappointment and not getting their way. I don't think at 18 months the kid is ruined... and I still to this day have a hard time emotionally dealing with some kinds of my son's cries, but being a parent is really tough and that is one of the tough things. I personally would probably get very blunt with my brother about it and tell him that he has a death wish for his child and that he needs to put his foot down about this. A few unhappy moments in the car seat is far preferable to having a dead child who is robbed of any future by the idiocy of their parents. No matter WHAT method you choose in parenting, the goal is pretty much the same of raising happy and self-sufficient adults. This is not the way to go about that.

Thanks all...

I'll be having a hard talk with my brother this weekend. Fortunately we have a good relationship and generally communicate well. I'm going to hone in on his responsibility as protector of his family. He's come off a horrid marriage and worse divorce prior to this, and I think he is so grateful to have T. in his life that he is scared to rock the boat. But here, his role as protector of his children has to override his discomfort. I'll also make sure he understands what could happen if Social Services gets involved.

I would pick any of the videos- I didn't care as much for the one ideefixe posted because I could see that one blowing up in my face if I used it - I was watching it & thinking your SIL would see that video & say why bother with a car seat if he can get just as injured or worst as if I was holding him. I understand it was a video about trying to get people to use rear facing seats verses front - but you have to take baby steps & get the kid in a seat 1st.

I think that sending your brother some of the videos or watching them together so that he can see the potential injuries/loss of his dear child - then he can work on his wife. I understand he wasn't there for his other kid but emotionally, he is tuning out with this one too by not using a car seat.

Here's a link to the Britax car seats

Car seat guide consumer reports

Graco rear facing

Here is a link that might be useful: video Rear-Facing Toddler in Britax Car Seat

Well said Lisa - I started, but just didnt' have the energy to explain my thoughts on AP.

ditto ditto ditto to what everyone else has said. I would anonymously call the police and ask what you should do. They always say it's not who wears the pants in the family but who wears the diapers that rules the home.

I suppose if they don't care enough about their child's safety they wouldn't care about the person in the other car who would face lifelong nightmares of seeing a baby land on their windshield.

So, step up sis, your brother and his child need you. Sounds like you are going to work on him.

I thought I had seen it all...but when we were dropping my son off in Savannah (hey puglover!) at school, I saw the most amazing thing. My dh and I were sitting in the hotel lobby looking out the window when a car pulled up along the curb, in the valet parking area. The passenger door flew open, a woman who was of a different culture had a tiny baby lying on her lap. Then the driver's door opened, out popped a man who also appeared to be from another culture, holding an oversized beer can, he rested it on the roof. Then the back doors popped open and out jumped 2 little kids. The driver waived away the valet parking attendant and told him not to take the car to the garage and just leave it there. As my dh and I walked past the parked car, we looked in and there was a 12 pack of those large cans of beer, opened, under where his feet are on the driver's side.

I too am speechless. I was hit last week by a pickup who ran a red light and slammed into me. I can only imagine my injuries if I had not been wearing a seatbelt, had airbags, and been in a large SUV.

I would not hesitate to call the police on your SIL. That baby cannot protect itself.

Just to chime in, I would not hesitate to call the cops and at least ask for their advice on how to proceed. Maybe there's a way to arrange for them to drive somewhere that a police car is stationed and they can be ready to make the stop? I dunno.

They will eventually get stopped, especially if driving through any areas where police are on high alert, such as small towns or speed traps or school zones. The question is, will they get stopped before an accident happens?

It's unconscionable in this day and age to put a child's life at risk this way. IMO, it's abuse in the form of neglect.

One other idea, call their pediatrician and either speak with the doc or the office manager and express your concern. Not to worry about HIPAA, it is a safety issue, and also you are not asking for information from the doc. Trust me....it will be talked about at the next visit. Whenever I saw a parent pull up with a kid on their lap at the office, there was quite a discussion between that child's parent and the physician.

My practice dh is a fireman. I remember how he felt after one of his early calls involving a dead baby. The baby was a lap baby because they didn't like it to cry. In a somewhat minor accident (all adults in belts walked away with just bruising) the baby didn't survive. It went out the front windshield. The good news waS it died quickly.

The trauma this caused to the responders was significant. The family was devastated of course...this is the probable ending for a lap child more often than we all want to think. Please say it this clearly to your brother? Ask him to pick between the image of a grumpy toddler and one who goes headfirst through a window....and turn them in. You may save that babies life. You shouldn't even hesitate.

Well, my brother and I had a good, hard talk... Started out with him saying, "I know, I agree, I've told her that, .... blah, blah, blah...." So I hung in there and emphasized that in this instance it wasn't enough for him to express his opinion, he HAS to put his foot down. They've just moved into a new leased house, and earlier I heard him telling his wife quite emphatically, in a non-negotiable manner, that they cannot allow the kids to eat and drink in the family room here, since it has a brand new carpet and they are liable for the condition of it. So I used that example with him and said, "If you can rock the boat for carpet stains, surely you can rock the boat for your son's protection." He seemed to get that. I think he was a bit surprised at my tenacity. That I wasn't content with him just agreeing with me. That I wasn't going to stop nattering until he agreed to do something about it.

Now the proof will be in the doing. They are planning a family outing to the Houston Zoo tomorrow, and that boy BETTER be in a car seat!!!!

I would give a heads up to the local police - anonymously - give address and plate number.

My brother was ejected from a vehicle and died when he was hit head on by a drunk driver going the wrong way an an interstate. It was 2 in the afternoon - who expects that?

I totally get that this is a cultural thing as well. I've clocked many hours in the back seat of Russian cars - no seat belts - no way to install a car seat even if you wanted to.

I feel so sorry for a child whose mother doesn't want him to be unhappy even for a minute. Not having a car seat, if he survives to adulthood, will be the least of his problems with a mother like that.

I would call my local police and have them patroling the street and maybe catch her not having him secured properly. Better yet have them parked at the end of the block when she is leaving at a specific time.

Your brother needs to step up and protect his son. Sorry, what's his problem that he can't stand up to her?

I couldn't be friends with them unless they were doing the right thing by their child. Just knowing this neglect is taking place would be the topic of every conversation I had with them. I don't talk to people who neglect their animals so I know I couldn't be friends with them. I just have no patience for ignorance when it's imposed on a helpless aninmal, child or the elderly. Good luck.

How did this turn out?

I'm bumping the post because I need to slap some sense into a teenager (17) who does not care about her 14 month old son. I know she's put him on her lap when she left the main (she has 2) car seat in a friends car. If one is in the friends car & the 2nd is in her moms car at work; she's also using an infant carrier seat.

I went to pick my daughter up; for some reason her cell isn't working right- she never got the text that I left; by the time they got their stuff together I was waiting 10 minutes & did not look to see what car seat was brought; he always sits behind me; so I can't see him unless I move my mirror.. When we got to my house I saw he was in his infant carrier; I'm fuming that I didn't catch it.

I told my daughter he will not get in my car without a proper seat again; once is more then enough. I can imagine what would happen to his little neck if I had to stop short or God forbid get hit. The seat is small by almost his whole head- the top of the carrier comes just under his ears. After watching the videos when this post was made; I'm freaked out to even have a toddler in my car; especially if I'm not installing the seat.

So, I'm going to be posting the video to her facebook- hopefully her parents will see it & get rid of the baby carrier so she can't use it any more.

Did anyone happen to see a video of a toddler in an infant carrier?

hi roselvr,
Sorry to hear you are having a similar issue in your life. Life is messy, and I guess that's why I have to report that the situation has improved, but is not perfect yet. The little one is apparently starting out in the car seat and lasting much longer, but is still being taken out at some point when he gets too demanding/fussy, etc. It is really just ridiculous. I don't have any problem refusing to drive them anywhere, but I have not spoken to the police about the issue, though it weighs heavily on me all the time....

I'm sure glad I no longer live in Houston.

In Houston traffic, it's most likely a matter of time before an accident or fender bender takes place, and with no car seat or restraint, little one's body continues to travel at 50 mph when the impact occurs.

I've seen it in the courtroom--people don't buckle in their children, then claim how much they loved them, and when they are in an accident--no matter WHO is at fault--they sue and cry and carry on about how much they loved them.

But not enough to buckle them in.

You sound like a great sister; I hope your brother uses your good sense.

Perhaps your SIL could watch a video on simple physics.

"The little one is apparently starting out in the car seat and lasting much longer, but is still being taken out at some point when he gets too demanding/fussy, etc. "

Oh -- good. They're teaching him that all he has to do is fuss *longer and harder* and that will get him what he wants...

The best thing I ever did as a parent was get in the habit of asking my kids young -- "If you whine/cry/stomp/pout/yell about it longer, will I change my mind?"

I know, I know.... if kids have even a glimmer of hope whining will work, they'll give it their all....

Oh, this is such a hot button for me!

I am a retired/disabled paramedic who spent over 20 years working on the ambulance in the streets of Atlanta and then several more years in the ER and PICU at one of our large children's hospitals. During that time, I saw countless infants and children who were severely injured or deceased, simply because their parent was too lazy/stubborn/ignorant/etc. that day to put their child in a PROPER child safety seat. It is so very sad to see a parent lose a child in ANY situation. It is especially difficult to see it when you know they will have to live with the guilt for the rest of their lives.

One thing that really frustrates me, too, is that many parents do not know that it is not just babies and toddlers who need to be restrained in a safety seat. ALL children should be in a safety seat until they are AT LEAST 80-100 pounds AND 4'9" tall. MANY parents don't know/understand this because in many states it has not been made into law. However, in order to keep your child as safe as possible, they must be restrained in a booster seat until they are big enough to fit properly in a regular seatbelt. Seatbelts are specifically designed for ADULTS ONLY. If a small child is in one without a proper safety seat, they can be decapitated by the shoulder strap that is sitting too close to their neck, they can have severe pelvic/abdominal injuries due to the ill-fitting lap belt or they can be ejected if the shoulder strap is placed behind their back, which many children are taught to do. MANY parents do this, not knowing that it completely renders the entire seatbelt non-operational as it interferes with the mechanism of how it is supposed to work.

When I was still working with EMS, I was also a member of SafeKids of GA. SafeKids has SO much info about Child Safety, especially Child Safety Seats. Here are a few links you all might be interested in: (They also have pamphlets, posters, etc. they will sent you.)

Car Seat, Booster and Seat Belt Fact Sheet

Find A Safety Seat Inspection Station

I hope things work out for your family and that your brother and SIL decide to do what is right for their precious little one!

Blessings,

~Addy~

Here is a link that might be useful: SafeKids USA

This is horrible. I am so sorry!

I consider myself an "attached parent" and hated hearing my kids cry. (Who does not?) I knew of people (online, not IRL) who thought crying would damage their baby and would take them out of their seats (while driving)and nurse them-- not pulling over to do it.

My thought has always been:
Better a crying baby than a dead baby.

I also made my oldest stay in her 5 pt harness until she was 7 (bought the biggest seat I could find). She is 8 and still in a booster. I also make the kids take off their coats in the car (coats will compress and the child can fly out), even though we live in the Midwest! It is strange but I do think there is PRESSURE on people to not do these things-- that people who follow the rules are "overprotective." It is ridiculous!