Locksmith booked for Monday morning, 9 am.

Advised my Mom that sister will now have to be responsible to check out care facilities - I've done enough for everyone. It's someone else's turn.

If I've missed anything and anyone has any advice, I'm all ears - whether I like it or not I'm thinking in tunnel vision right now and a neutral perspective is always appreciated.

You go GF! It's good to hear that you are standing up to them. It was not so long ago that they nearly broke you. You are wise to look after yourself and your marriage.

I hope all goes well with your Mom, regardless where she might end up. It sounds like she might need to do some detaching from your sister as well.

Hang tuff and firm.

Sue...rootin for ya!

You said nephew didn't show up there after the movie as agreed. Who was in the agreement that he would show up there after the movie? I feel kinda sorry for your Mom really. She's put in the middle of something she probably doesn't even know is going on. Or if she does know, she doesn't have any control over.
Is sister upset because your in the house (which belonged to Mom), and Mom removed her name from the deed? In other words giving it to you? And your letting Mom live there? or were.
I may not have the whole story.
Leslie

I don't know where you live but in my small town there are several senior apts with facilities to care for them in the way they need it. I hope your mom can find a place like that and you can have some peace. Your nephew, well that all sounds like a bunch of Cr...baloney to me. Is your door open or not?..And if he's grounded, he should be grounded at home. That's the price a parent pays for grounding a kid. Grounding them at grandma's house is way out of line.

In a way McPeg, it seems your getting something out of this. Nothing I could ever understand. I wouldn't be calling back and hanging up, doing all that. Kinda like Jr. high kids. Sorry, that just seems weird to me.

At 45 you have a lot of years left, I hope they are sane. The way its going Your going to have to set the rules and live by them. Your nephew needs someone he can rely on.

okay
1. this house never belonged to my Mom - I've paid the mortgage and bills from day one.
2. Nephew told his grandmother he would come directly here after the movie. My mother is physically unfit and can't care for herself.
3. My mother was told to ask ME or DH anytime the kids were coming over since, in the case of emergency, DH and I would have to deal with it. Mom NEVER asked us, even after this, she just agreed under any offer to have the kids over - irregardless if we wanted our privacy in this house. From day one our home has been treated like a daycare. My sister SENT her son here yesterday without asking the legally responsible adults (we could be sued if something happened in this house) if he could come.

My mother and sister have been manipulative to no end to have the kids here for daycare. Even against our expressed refusal to have them here - the car shows up and they get dropped off. My husband HAS NEVER been asked if he wanted company in his own home.

Now, as for the phone calls - it was not by anymeans a childish activity - I was trying to call my sister to let her know her son had gone to a movie and I was not asked to look after him. She kept hanging up on me. I kept calling back and she kept hanging up on me. I did tell her when she demanded to know where her son was that he went to a movie and from this point I don't know where he went - he just never came here at all. So I'm not into childish games with the phone - especially NEVER when there is a child's welfare concerned. When the police called I advised them how often my sister hung up on me and that I was trying to communicate with her. The police understood this and they had to TELL my sister to take any calls I make to her regarding the welfare of her son. I just wanted to find my nephey and I just wanted him home safe.

As it was I did find him and at my request he did call home and got picked up from his friends by his father.

No one every asks me or my DH what we wanted in our home.

From day one my mother did not want to be on the deed at all. I insisted so she would never, every feel I would throw her out.

From day one she agreed to my sister in Toronto making travel arrangements to stay with us for a week at a time - NOT ASK OR TELL US - until the night before the trip. We have never been consulted.

It's time I behave like a homeowner should and stop getting stepped all over by my family. They are all out of here because it's hurting my marriage.

I hope this clarifies things.

It's not so much my Mom being in the middle - I'm in the middle. No one asks me anything. I just get told, dumped on and treated like a door mat.

My sister is also responsible for my great aunt too - we're both Power of Attorney - again, she's done nothing, she owes my great aunt over 10K but stopped paying her back once we got her in a care home (I'll work on that later, once my Mom is sorted). I've done everything for my great aunt while taking care of my Mom. I had to stop working to care for my Mom 24/7. My sister is due for a shock by next week. I just hope it's not after a fall down the stairs on my Mother's part.

If there's anything not understood please post. I'm on as much medication as I can handle - I'm not well myself. But who cares in my family. My eldest sister in Toronto left home at 18 and has lived her own life ever since - no responsibility, my brother lives just outside the city and has never had any responsibility for my Mom. Those two are stories on themselves.

I have documented caregiver stress with my doctor who advised me last year to get my Mom in a care home or let someone else take a turn.

I do appreciate your comments and advice. KT has always been here for me and I do consider all points made. Life is a learning process, sometimes it hurts, but we do the best we can.

LOL

Oh yeah, it's not that I don't want my nephews over, I'd just liked to be asked. If your sibling just drove up and dropped their kids off how would you feel?
And MY DOOR IS OPEN if they feel the need to run away.
It's just that nobody has ever asked me. I come home and find day care in service. We come back from a weekend and I find out bedroom was a hotel room (we had to install a lock on our door).
How would you feel if your home was treated like it 'belonged' to your sister to use at her discretion?

Just sending Hugs to you and your husband. You might also check to make sure you do legally own the house and that the mother's name was taken off legally. Usually a person cannot just take a name off.
As to the nephew, find out what age a child can do/not do with/without a parents interference. Here in the US, at 16 & 17 the kids can even divorce the parents and many do what the want to do etc. You should find out in Canada what age they are basically on their own.
He sounds like a pretty good kid.
Is there any place that you can get group support or ???
Phone--can you get a block on certain numbers?? Changing locks are good. Can you talk to the brother/sister who are kind of out of these problems for some help?
Make it clear to the sister who just drops kids off, that if she does, they will be turned over to the authorities for abandoning them / Talk to your local law enforcement to find out your legal rights to protect yourself. Can you talk to your neighbors and request them to call the police if you are not home--check first with the police to find out if they should.
Work with the authorities, social workers etc and make sure your are protected.
I am sending you lots of hugs and prayers and know things will work out.

Thanks for the hugs.

Deed change was done through our lawyer, further administrative fees followed from the 'city' billing us to change our names on the city tax roll and water billing. This is legally and completely our home now. All supporting legal documents have been filed and I have copies.

My locks are being rekeyed monday morning.

I doubt very much the kids will be 'allowed' here anymore by my psychotic sister - especially once the legal document of 'no trespassing' is issued to each person (3 in total) - both of my sister's and my sister's partner (so he can't get sent over to do anything). I have an appointment with my lawyer this week to have these documents drawn up and 'served' to all parties concerned. Get off my property. Once served, if they put a foot on my grass or drive I can have them formally charged and fined for trespassing. They won't be delivering their kids here after that.

Also with 'daycare' now going to live at my sisters, there are no 'daycare' services in my house.

It's a shame when kids get involved with family disputes and I love my nephews to death, I just can't have my sisters interrupting, interfering and walking all over both myself and my husband in our own home. They are being 'disowned' formally by the end of this week. The legal documents will also include my notice of rejecting any/all responsibility for anything of my sisters - I've been used enough. I don't want her estate and she'll have to ask my brother or other sister to care for her children if needed. I don't know them anymore after this week unless my mother dies. I'm an executor on her estate (of which I expect my sister to drain while caring for my mother).

Well Peg,if I was to post here what I would do to a sister or any family member like that,I imagine I would be flamed or even sent back to Disney....I wouldnt tolerate nowhere near as much as you have.
First and foremost is you and your hubby in your own home,and when ppl quit respecting that,its time to kick them all to the curb.

You have to do what you have to do. Be strong and stand up to everyone that's using you. It's not right. I think you're going to handle it just fine. Good luck!

I'm for one very proud of you...you've taken far more then you should have...Liz...who has a facebook and myspace to keep an eye on her youngins!

Thank you for your support everyone. It means a world to me. I should be sad for wanting to break family ties like this but I can't reach further than long thought out anger. I just can't take anymore abuse.
I hate to say it, but I'm not accepting my Mom back because it would just return all the usual problems.
It's time for my brother to help or sister in Toronto. I've done my turn.
I love my mother very much and she knows this.
Now I am sick physically and mentally. Last summer I wanted to commit suicide over all of these issues. I'm not caving to that level anymore because I deserve my home, my marriage and my space.
The welcome mat is threadbare, just like my nerves.
Thank you everyone.

Peggy-All I can do is give you a big hug and tell you that I know exactly what you are going through.Been there,done that!LOL The best thing you can do for your mom is find her a good care facility.If I were you I would try to bypass the sister's house altogether.Do you have Power of Attorney for your mom? POA and executorship is not the same thing.I would suggest,from experience,that you discuss it with your mom and take her to a lawyer and get POA.That way your sister will not be able to drain her estate,even if mom is living with her.You will have the authority to look after her finances and write any checks that need to be written.Being an executor only kicks in after mom is gone.If your mom's mental state is not in question this can be done simply by her agreeing to have you as her POA.Not very expensive and well worth it.Please check into it.It might save your mom from being destitute at some point.E-mail me if you want to talk.(((((Peggy)

My sister and I are the POAs. And my sister needs to take on the responsibility now - it's her turn to do something for the care of my Mother - I don't drive on my own yet, so I'd have to go get my mother, put her and wheelchair in a cab to any residence visit and take her back to my sisters.

I've quit my job last Dec to be here 24/7 for my Mom.

My sister can start taking time off her job to do something for my Mom. It's her turn to take on the responsibility.

We are both POA and executors for my Mom. She's done nothing to date except abuse my good nature.

And thank you for the hug - I'm really enjoying them now. I don't want to look after my Mom's finances etc etc etc - I'm already doing POA and executor for my GREAT aunt, again, my sister has the same authority and has done nothing for my GREAT aunt.

I'm doing all the running around, by bus, to do finances, shopping, xmas shopping, prescriptions - you name it. So long as it doesn't interfere with my sister's need to be at work. How nice. I gave up my job.

I'm now handing the reigns over to my sister who is waiting to get her fingers in both financial pots when death allows it.

I don't want anyone's money. I don't want the hassle.

I don't want my family anymore. They've all overstayed their welcome in my life. Right now, I don't know what my life is. Even in Scotland I didn't have my life - we were there for my husband's gran - at her beck and call.

No more.

I understand get the locks re-keyed. I would not be comfortable with a bunch of people have keys to my house either.
I'm not really understanding the "no trespassing order". If it is like a restraining order is in the US, it seems like a waste of the court's time since your relatives do not seem to be physically threatening and will no longer have keys to the house.
"She kept hanging up on me. I kept calling back and she kept hanging up on me."
Next time, I just would not call her back. I think you just perpetuated the drama by continuing to call her back.
Best of luck!

It's necessary to prevent my Toronto sister from getting 'dumped' at my house. None of them can legally even stand on a blade of grass. I don't put anything past my sister (new caregiver to Mom) to try and force her way into my house on the presumption she needs to get something for Mom. You don't know my family. It will also be extremely clear to my rich and I mean rich sister from Toronto to get a hotel - she can no longer show up in a taxi/get dropped off at xmas time expecting a bed - this happened last year - she got dumped. By the time I got home from my day she was unpacked and in the spare room. I'm too tired to go into any more tonight. These decisions have been well thought out and like I said, I will be having a talk with my lawyer regard this among other concerns.
You take years of abuse from your family and it wears you down to the point of wanting to kill yourself...which is where I've been, on and off during the last 12 months. Finally got the courage to put and end to this because I do want to LIVE - my OWN LIFE with my husband, in MY HOUSE.

I need peace in my life, I intend to LEGALLY ensure it happens.

Good night everyone. My medication is hitting home .....

Hey Peg,

I'm glad you're finally reclaiming your life. I hate having my roommate from hell. And even though that's only a small fraction of what you're going through, I'm definitely sympathetic! You do what you need to.

Just don't forget about your nephew. You sound as though you might've already taken time to talk to him, but if you haven't, be sure you DO talk to him before you serve the no trespassing orders. He seems savvy enough that you can explain to him the difference between his mom ditching him at your house, and him calling you if he ever needs you. If you've got a good relationship with this kid, I think you should sit him down before the s--- hits the fan and tell him that you are there for HIM. Be sure he knows what the ground rules are (like your bedroom being totally off-limits) and that you won't take any crap.

It's just that he sounds like he might need a reliable adult now and then, and it could be good for both of you.

Good luck with all of this!

Mcpeg, five years from now (or sooner) you will look back and wonder how it is you did that for as long as you did! I think sometimes behaviors or circumstances occur in smaller bits over time, and pile up, and because it may have started out less intense or gradual, you became accustommed to this way of life, and believed this is what it is, when if all would have occurred right away, your reaction would have been different.

You deserve your own life, you should not be the only one taking care of your mom when you have siblings. I've read only some of your posts, I'm still shocked that your siblings treat you and expect all this from you. Have they friends? Wonder what their behaviour is like with them?

Good Luck, deep breathes, this is just another turn in the road on your journey.