Sipping Vodka....a funny. Might be offensive .

16 years ago

A new Priest at his first Mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After Mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, i put a glass of Vodka next to the glass of water. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So, next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink, He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the Mass, he found the following note on the door.

#!, Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

#2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

#3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10.

#4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

#5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a$$.

#6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

#7. The father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook,

#8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the $hit out of him.

#9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a$$.

#10. We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T'.

#11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for this is my body". He did not say "Eat me."

#12. The recommended Grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the Grub.

#13. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters. Not a peter pulling at St. Taffy's.

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Comments (11)

glenda_al
16 years ago
A must send to my Catholic friends!
Jasdip
16 years ago
Hi Dottie,
I remember this joke from years ago! This is my favourite joke of all time! Love it.
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joyfulguy
16 years ago
Methinks I may protest too much, but ...

... it seems to me that most of this may apply to Protestants, as well.

Except that most of us, being part of a more democratic system, don't have a boss called a Bishop to tell us what for.

Our boss: the ultimate Boss ...

... and sometimes the congregation can get a bit bossy, as well.

What do they call that - being between a rock and a hard place?

Hope you're enjoying your weekend ... and finding it some inspirational.

ole joyful
margad
16 years ago
Thanks. I needed a good laugh.
lindaohnowga
16 years ago
Hubby and I are laughing until the tears are rolling.
molly109
16 years ago
I absolutely love this joke. I heard it from
a priest the first time. LOL

Thanks for posting it.
liz
16 years ago
this is probably one of my all time favorite jokes...I remember hearing it years ago...Thanks for posting it!!
ronm80
16 years ago
That is so funny! Thanks.
cheryl_ok
16 years ago
funny! thanks for sharing
secsteve
16 years ago
True story. Many years ago, my father made his own wine which could be VERY potent. I was an alter boy and at one of the masses, the priest was having a fit as somehow they had run out of wine, and this being a Sunday, no stores that sold wine were open. He remembered my father made his wine and called and asked mom if she could bring just enough for the service. Mom warned him NOT to gulp it all down as usual but to sip it. Did he listen? Nope, slugged it all down (and the chalice was at least 1/4 to 1/2 full) and by the end of the mass, he was feeling no pain. He ended up his sermon by leaning on the podium, started off by saying "Now I want to tell you people something" and continued on till he finished up with "O.K. all done now, God Bless you and go home". He stumbled off the alter platform and went to change out of his vestments while I ran back to help him. All the while he kept telling me how warm the room was and wondered why he was so woozy. The Monsignor started to give him what for until mom explained what had happened.

Monsignor made sure from that moment on that Mogan David was always on hand. The people talked about that incident for years after.
dotmom
Original Author
16 years ago
Steve, that is so funny. it is true....Truth is stranger (and funnier) than fiction. Thanks for sharing that hilarious story, Dottie

Sipping Vodka....a funny. Might be offensive .

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