Why mixed marriages are such a struggle...

13 years ago

"Mixed weight" marriages, that is!

I'd never thought about this too much but the author makes some REALLY good points, and quotes Al Roker who once said he solved the problem of his "mixed weight marriage" by telling his thin wife to "shut up" about his weight.

My first husband was a bean pole and ate anything and everything all day long. He was actually very good about my "size" and seemed to understand my non-stop struggles to be thin. In the 25 years I was with him, he never saw me as heavy or thin.

My second husband has - like me - had life-long struggles with his weight and he seems to be very weight conscious about himself and everyone else. To my horror, he told a young female friend that she was "looking a little heavy these days." (Fortunately, she responded with anger, as did I.)

But the fact is, men (much moreso than women) get a free pass on their weight. I don't think men (like my husband) understand that to a woman - her whole sense of self - can be defined by her attractiveness. For a man, it's more of a health issue.

Anyway - I am not a big fan of HuffPo but I thought this article was well done and honestly written.

And in the end, the young woman (who penned the piece) said she ultimately told her husband to "shut up" about her weight. (He'd been downright unkind to her at times.)

Here is a link that might be useful: Why mixed weight marriages are such a struggle

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Comments (10)

Jasdip
13 years ago
My ex-husband was conscious of how we both looked. He wasn't happy when I put on some weight......not an enormous amount of weight by any means, but being the pear shape, I carry weight on the lower part of my body. He had no problem voicing his opinion either.

My dear sweetie loves my body and me. I'm the one who is more self-conscious about my body shape than he is. He loves it.
Rudebekia
13 years ago
This is OT but got me thinking. In today's multicultural and diverse environment, I wonder what people consider a "mixed marriage" anymore or whether the phrase is ancient history. When my German mother married my Czech father in the 1950s that was considered a "mixed marriage" and bemoaned by some members of both sides of the family :)
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amyfiddler
13 years ago
I dated a black man in college. My mom joked that it was fine to date, just don't marry him. She was friendly to him but the message was clear enough. He was a good man and I am sure he would have been a perfect match for me....but he wasn't LDS. That would have been the only mix issue.
My hubby works out and I only do occasionally. I. I'm picking it up though because it feels good. But it is good to feel loved regardless.
amyfiddler
13 years ago
I dated a black man in college. My mom joked that it was fine to date, just don't marry him. She was friendly to him but the message was clear enough. He was a good man and I am sure he would have been a perfect match for me....but he wasn't LDS. That would have been the only mix issue.
My hubby works out and I only do occasionally. I. I'm picking it up though because it feels good. But it is good to feel loved regardless.
katlan
13 years ago
Mixed used to be two different religions.
ellendi
13 years ago
What is LDS amy?
I think they are just trying to be original by putting a the name mixed marriage concerning weight. Most of us don't use the term this way.
paula_pa
13 years ago
I was about 70 pounds heavier than when I met my ex-husband at one point (at two points if you count pregnancy) and even though he stopped working out (he only lifted weights) and ate like every meal was an eating contest, he never changed all that much as far as weight.

He never, ever commented negatively on my weight and he was never less physically attracted to me (he was maybe more attracted since a lot of the extra weight was in my chest LOL).

If he had said something my marriage would have been a lot shorter, in fact I think that is probably why I gained the weight - to push him away - so was ignoring the weight really a good thing?? I don't think harping on someone's weight is a good idea but if an emotional eater starts eating, there's a problem somewhere.

Related side story:

I never really had a weight problem as a kid but the summer after 5th grade a boy called me on the phone and said he liked me. I'm very socially backward so I didn't know what to do. One look at my 6th grade picture will tell you what I did - I ate! I'm about twice the size (and still squeezing into a sweater I must have bought in the 5th grade LOL). I thought it was just puberty for a while but then it all came back to me. Oh well, I think I finished school without any other boys calling me. Mission accomplished.
joyfulguy
13 years ago
A "weight"y issue ...

... under discussion today, it appears.

o j
Rudebekia
13 years ago
LDS-Latter Day Saints, aka Mormons
Jasdip
13 years ago
Amy, my guy is LDS too. Just to clarify, Mormon, yes, but not the ones who have multiple wives. They are a whole different kind of Mormon.

Why mixed marriages are such a struggle...

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