I don't get nervous about the people, just the time frame if I don't allow enough time to get things done. I am the type who likes as much as possible done ahead of time so that I can enjoy myself w/my guests. I recently hosted a family get together and was fit to be tied when my out of town aunt and uncle arrived almost 2 hours early. I had not showered yet. I have to admit I was momentarily very unhappy to see them. Lol! Luckily my dh entertained them while I ran to the shower and then finished getting things done. THEN I was glad to see them and my cousins and I had a good chuckle over it.

I've hosted numerous big parties, and there is always something to do till the last minute before the 1st guests arrive; it's hard to keep cool and be laid back.
I've gotten better about it over the years but there's always a period of time around noon of the party day when I wish I had not agreed to do it.
It passes though.

I don't freak out about entertaining any more, but I did when I was first married. Three things have changed...

1. Everything doesn't have to be perfect
2. I plan a lot more and do more ahead of time.
3. I have kids now old enough to help me out!

However, I'm still pretty tense when preparing for guests. DH and I never fight as much as we do right before people are expected over. It never fails that I need him to do something like vacuum the stairs. Not only does he put off doing that until 10 minutes before people arrive, but he will spend the whole day in the middle of my kitchen doing something totally irrelevant, like silk-screening t-shirts or oiling the door hinges or preparing some totally messy sticky dessert that wasn't on the menu to begin with but he decides we MUST serve because so-and-so loves it.

So preparing for entertaining with DH is stressful. Other than that, not so much any more. I've realized that people don't really care about the pile of papers on my message center or if the appetizer napkins coordinate with the dinner napkins. They just want some good wine, tasty food, good conversation and lots of laughter.

Nicole

Nicole, is your DH related to my DH? are they, perhaps, long-lost twins, separated at birth?

I'm a nervous entertainer myself, except for brunch: that I've got down pretty well (esp b/c I can bake ahead of time, and b/c I've got a foolproof luscious cinnamon roll recipe which loads everyone up with so much sugar & butter they're buzzing too hard to critique my housekeeping). Dinners make me insane. Houseguests too. I try very hard to quash it all, but I see every unswept crumb, every mote of dust dancing in the sunlight, and afterward, I have to go collapse somewhere quiet for a while. Probably too hard on myself. DH says that no one can tell I'm stressed out while it's happening, though.

I write lists to keep me on track so that I don't get worked up. Holiday guest to do lists would be broken down into days. 5 days prior all windows get washed, 4 days prior major dusting & magic eraser, 3 days prior freshen up the guest room, make sure there are washcloths & towels in guest bath, 2 days prior wash & dry good china & set the table(that far ahead, really), day prior grocery shop & prep food + bake, The day of arrival is broken down into a very specific timetable with buffer time built in between tasks. Each item to be done on "the day" is written down & checked off.

Party checklists are less extensive than holiday geust lists, but still the party day checklist is pretty specific with each task written down with an estimated time.

The checklists keep me from being the crazy person screaming, "Get out of my kitchen!" to the startled child or DH standing in front of the frig.

Yes, absolutely I am a nervous host and have severe host envy of those who aren't. :c)

I actually love being host and receiving people. I definitely plan so that I have very little to do during the party with all prep and work done before it starts. For me, the lack of nervousness comes from the fact that I'm naturally very social and tend to have lots of fun at parties, my own in addition to others'.

Yeah, I want my house to be clean and tidy, but you know when I go to other people's houses I don't notice if there's dust somewhere or if a picture is hung crooked or whatever. That's not why I'm there. So I figure the same goes for people who come to my house. I do my best to get everything looking good, but at some point, it's just take it as it comes.

I like to cook which also helps me have fun, because the cooking part isn't so much a chore, and I don't fret too much about it. If something doesn't turn out that great, oh well! there's plenty more food at the party that people can eat instead.

At this point in my life, I don't give a flip about impressing anyone. I have parties because I enjoy them. I enjoy the cooking, the planning and the event. I have fun and it seems that my friends have fun too. So, with all that in mind, what's to be nervous about?

Nicole's husband is related to mine :) who decides his way of helping is to change all the air filters the day of the party or now is the time to clean out his office closet or or mow the yard. Which all would be fine done the day before.

All I want is the floors vacuumed and mopped :)
I am a planner too and find that helps relieve a lot of the stress becuase I do like things to be as perfect as I decide they need to be.
Like Mitch, I also wish I hadn't decided to host because it is soo much work but once the guests start coming, all the hardwork and planning pays off and I'm relaxed again.

Count me in on the "nervous" side. I think it's because I'm a worry-wart anyways. I keep my house pretty clean for the most part, so I'm not worried about the house being dirty, but am always nervous about coordinating the times to bake this/broil this, etc. I host my rather large family for Christmas every year, and have tried to swap that holiday with my sisters to no avail. It's just hard for me to get everything synchronized that I stress about it starting Christmas Eve. My DH wants to sit on the sofa, kick back and watch the tree/fire that eve, but I can't relax because I keep mentally going over things (even with lists). I don't even open MY presents until after the whole event is over on Christmas Day evening. I do think this is personality-based, because my DH loves to entertain, and is never stressed (of course, his "job" is to serve the wine and drinks, LOL!)

I think I would count as a nervous host. I am a big planner and list-maker. I usually keep my house reasonably clean. However, when you work full-time and have two young children, there isn't a lot of time, period. I find the time-crunch very stressful. If I do anything (i.e. clean the bathrooms) too far in advance, the kids undo my work. (I'll never forget the time my toddler-at-the-time son pooped on the carpet right as guests were pulling into the driveway. Plan your way out of that one!) A lot of the events that we host occur on weeknights. I planned one party for 6:30pm. I knew that if I managed to be home by 5:30, I would have time to feed my boys a snack, put away their backpacks/school gear, put a pan of brownies in the oven, clean up their snack mess, and hopefully inspect/clean their faces and clothes. An elderly couple was parked outside my house waiting for me to arrive. (They weren't sure they could find my house and didn't want to be late.) As soon as we parked the van, they were ringing the doorbell. Of course I ushered them in, made them comfortable, and tried to be a cheerful, chit-chatty hostess. (DH wasn't home from work yet so I had no-one to entertain them.) I'm not sure the brownies were edible b/c I couldn't concentrate. I hope I appeared cheerful b/c I was a nervous wreck. I probably came across as a blubbering idiot! I try to remember that this too will pass, but I admit to being a little envious of the ones who can prepare for a party all day.

Yes, I'm a nervous host. And, yes, typically DH and I are more testy with each other just prior to the event.

I've learned over the years that I do best with small dinner parties with friends we know well or larger cocktail parties with a big mix of people.

Mostly what happens is I get so busy talking or catching up with someone that I totally forget to do the one very important last minute thing that needs to be done or I do it wrong. However, we always end up having a great time as do the rest of our guests.

I've also noted that half a glass of wine an hour before the party starts helps tremendously! Note: That's one-half, not one)!

Every year I host Christmas for both of our extended families, and yes it's work, but I am comfortable with it because they are family and I love the season. Any other entertaining I don't do, the few attempts I made seemed disastrous and so very nerve-wracking it is not worth it to me. I wish I was more comfortable entertaining people other than family but... As a guest though I shine, I help out, mingle, look out for those that seem hesitant or nervous. I also think that the way our house evolved (c.1850) my kitchen is semi-separated and cut off from guests with no place for mingling(except in the traffic areas)and I worry being stuck away in the kitchen I can't be a good host etc. etc. I envy those that effortlessly entertain anyone they want!

My DH is another one of those who wants to "help" but just ends up making more work for me. I ask him to vacuum the stairs, only to come back and find he's taking the vaccum cleaner apart in an effort to improve it's suction. I ask him to dust the entertainment center and come back to find he's emptied out the CD cabinet and is now re-organizing the 400 CDs into little stacks all over the living room floor. Needless to say, I can be just a bit testy with him when we're expecting company. If he wants to do his little projects, fine, so long as he doesn't get in my way and he's done before the guests arrive.

However, I'm not a particularly nervous hostess. We entertain a lot, and our entertainments tend to be large and casual. I try to do as much ahead as I can to minimize last-minute stress. I also have a cocktail while I'm dressing for the event. It helps.

Oh, and my pet peeve is the guest who arrives early. Five minutes early is fine, but an hour or two early is just rude and irritating.

Not any more, but I'm sure I was a little nervous when I first started entertaining.

A few things helped:
1) the more I entertained the easier it was - practice, practice, practice makes perfect or what I have come to appreciate as perfect, which is however it turns out

2) I only entertain people whose company I enjoy. I love to see them, they seem to love to see me, everybody is happy - or faking it grandly - so it's all good

3) I'm older and wiser and realize most of the stuff I first worried about just-doesn't-matter. If something goes wrong just say that's how they do it in Europe - the meat always comes out 20 minutes after the vegetables or I was planning on replacing all the carpeting anyway, that red wine stain will just get me motivated

4) When I'm a guest elsewhere I'm not analyzing what they did or didn't do so I realized my guests aren't analyzing and judging me either

5) Don't mention your mistakes, errors, missing items etc. If you don't draw attention to whatever you think is wrong most guests don't even notice.

Did you ever notice the least gracious guests are the people who never entertain? They are either too intimidated to do it or jealous of your hosting ability so they feel the need to belittle your efforts. These people are not worth inviting over, but if they are family (and more often than not they are) and you must entertain them just remember their criticism of you is really a way to ease their guilt over not being a good host or reciprocating your hospitality.

Not a nervous host anymore. Whether the house looks like a million bucks or not, whether it's sparkling clean, whether the food is a culinary marvel -- none of it matters. All people want to do is get together and laugh and have fun.

One of our best parties was a picnic block party that got rained out. At the last minute, I called all the neighbors and invited them into my home. We scrambled to make the house presentable (really, a lost cause). We weren't sure how we would set up all the pot luck dishes or how to cook hamburgers & hot dogs for 40 adults & kids indoors, but we managed. Everyone had so much fun, and the guests lingered and lingered. Nobody cared about my shabby furnishings or the 3 bowls of three bean salad or having to sit on camp stools. All left eager for another block party.

golddust, was this inspired by my "Filth" thread, by any chance?

I am an introvert, DH is an extrovert, but we both usually enjoy having company. I don't know about him, but I enjoy it more when I'm at least somewhat prepared (i.e., have something to offer by way of food and drink, have a clean bathroom, etc.). We used to give a big party during the week between Christmas and New Year's, but it was getting too big for me -- a lot of work, too many people who didn't know each other, too crowded for our small house. So we stopped inviting so many people and try to keep our parties down to a dozen or fewer.

There was one time when we invited BIL and family (and SIL's sister and husband) for lunch on Christmas. I can't remember why. Lunch was Chinese carryout, and I had baked some cookies. We were nervous wrecks. I think it's because they never want to eat anything we cook (we're vegetarians and they're big meat eaters; BIL is allergic to chocolate and tomatoes; I could go on but you get the idea -- which is why we decided on the carryout) and they act like our house is the shabbiest thing they've ever seen. SIL's sister made a remark like, "Why, this is really a nice little house," like they'd been dissing it to her beforehand. (Their house is a perfectly nice suburban house in a lily-white new-ish subdivision out in the middle of nowhere; we live in a 60-year-old rather diverse neighborhood close to town.)

So entertaining them makes me nervous. But having friends over is usually fun.

No, harriet. I was strictly thinking of Auntie's party and my DH's negative comment. If you knew him, you would know how out of character it is for him to talk negative about *anything*. He's terminally filled with good will. I still haven't asked him specifics of what happened. Knowing us, he won't remember anything by the time I remember to ask.

I'm not a nervous *host*, but I do get nervous about other things like public speaking, which I must do on occasion. I have a lot of empathy for nervousness. LOL!

I don't see you as a nervous host. Rather stressed about the work ahead and not that thrilled with the obligatory (judgmental) guest list. I can get stressed with my deep cleaning 'issues' *before* a party but that happens way before the big day.

I'd like to write more, but I'm laughing too hard at everyone's stories and my in-laws will be here tomorrow. Then, next weekend, we're hosting (our first) family reunion for my dad's side of the family. If anyone's driving through Wisconsin in the next few days and you see a crazed-looking lady standing in front of a Folk Victorian farmhouse with a corkscrew in one hand and a toilet brush in the other - well, you've just seen me!

How funny folkvictorian, what a sight and I can relate. (lol)

Yes, I am a nervous hostess right up until they get here and then I relax and have a drink or is it I have a drink and then I relax.

....Jane

Yes, but I've improved over the years for two reasons. DH and I seem to have worked out an "entertaining routine" and I'm not afraid of dust anymore lol! DH and I have our own tasks to complete that we accomplish apart and in unison. And as far as pre party cleaning prep, I decided a few years ago that if I get all of the nitty gritty cleaning done a few days ahead, I won't get too crazy and can then concentrate on the fun details like decorating and table setting. In my own little world, I say to myself "if I had a cleaning lady she might only be able to come a few days before the party and I certainly wouldn't clean the house (other than the usual daily pick-up) again after she left". Every now and then I do break this rule and run a quick vac the day of the event, but that's a big improvement over my past craziness!

No. Three-four beers, and I'm simply jovial.

Of course, most of my visitors are more interested in my lawn mower and my tablesaw than my decorating.

OMG--nigel-bigel, my DH is absolutely your DH's twin (or mulitple-birth sibling to yours and a few others here apparently)!!!! He will do everything that I didn't ask him to do (or had asked him to do months before), and do the few things on his pre-event to-do-list at the last minute, if at all.

I am a nervous hostess, despite being pretty well organized, and a great checklist maker/user, and DH and I have been known to become testy. Overall though, we're a pretty good team (I couldn't entertain without him)!

We're great helpers at other's gatherings--we're very good cleaner-uppers! We actually prefer that others NOT help us out at home because they mess up our "system!"