Claudia, My DH's brother and my SIL didn't care about their ancestry either. Then, a couple years ago my SIL's mother passed away & a couple months ago I got a call asking me how to get started researching her genealogy. So, you never know. People get interested for such a wide variety of reasons. Now, my BIL and his wife are headed to Wales in June to vacation & do some research on DH's family that I've asked them to dig up. BTDT, my experience with the accuracy of LDS info has been poor, at best. There's stuff on LDS's website pertaining to my family that's just not true. My grandmother's name is even wrong. There is a German-Russian Historical Society that has been working with the Russian government for over a decade now & their work is invaluable for researchers. I never would have found the Russian professor if not for the GRHS. Time will tell on the LDS project. For now, I'll wait & see how they document their information. Here's a couple pictures of 'Family Ties', the book on Mom's genealogy. I wrote well over a hundred articles for the book describing the history behind the people. A bunch of dates and places don't really tell the story of a family. I wanted to make the story come alive. I wrote the Introduction last believing it would be a slam dunk after all the research. Wrong. It took 3-4 months & ended up 31 pages. rofl Revolutionary War (I used various flags depending on the war) Just an example of an article and picture of a family crest. There are over 200 pictures... In order to make Dad's book come alive I decided to write a short novel as an introduction to the nuts & bolts of the genealogy. I used my grandfather's life as the foundation. I thought this book would be substantially shorter since I cut off research in 1767 but it's going to be close...I'm about 640 pages now & unfinished. It's hard to stop. Fortunately, binding contraints impose limits or you end up with multiple volumes. lol /tricia

I spoke w/ my sister yesterday and asked if her if she really wanted me to give my honest opinions even if she may be upset at them and she said yes. I floated the opportunity of having Sue come here w/ us for a month for a lifetime - whatever she wanted and needed. I told her that if she felt it would be good for Sue to please discuss it w/ the psychologist. I really tried to press her more about other things as I just wanted to try and expand her thinking and options. Like I said, my sister is a follower where as I knock down doors asking questions looking for feedback and answers. My sister does not. I guess that's what big sisters are for. If the younger one can't do it we assist in clearing the path to help them walk it a little easier. I really tried to drive home the 'Family Counseling' and how would they manage that? If BIL is on the road how will ER set up the family counseling to adapt to that? How will they individualize it for that because him not working isn't an option and working means being on the road. I tried to impress upon my sister that it's not just Sue's problem but that the family as a whole needs counseling as well as my sister and BIL in regards to better parenting alternatives as to what they currently do. I attempted to drive that point home to her that if they don't work as hard as Sue then nothing that they do will amount to a hill of beans. I let her know that mandatory family counseling w/ Sue was a great pro about ER and something that I could not offer them because I think that Sue has to be a participant. I also mentioned that even if Sue weren't a factor in this whole thing that I still thought they needed counseling as a whole. I asked her if she just sat back and listened to what the psychologist said and if she asked questions. She said that she did ask questions but when she told me what the questions were they seemed to be on the 'follower' side of things. I asked her to think outside of the box and ask more probing questions. I told her to think of it as if she were diagnosed w/ a potentially deadly disease and what would she do. She said research and ask very pointed questions. She would want to know the Dr.s background, how often had they treated the deadly disease, how would they treat it and why specifically that way? What was the success rate w/ of recovery w/ the Dr.s pts.? Did the Dr. only ever refer pts. to 1 specific place and if so why? And so on. When I posed it to her that way a light bulb seemed to go on in her head. I told her not to be afraid and to try and find a chunk of quiet time to write her questions down and go back to the psychologist w/ them. I pointedly asked if she ever thought about counseling for the 2nd daughter and she said 'No. Why does evryone think that she has a problem. She's fine w/ us." I told her to carefully think about that statement and ask herself why others have said that. I left it at that. She cried and asked me to talk to BIL that he needs to hear what I've said and just talk w/ me. I asked her what point she would like to see come across if I spoke w/ him so that I could gather my wits about me. DS has tried and always keeps trying to do the right thing for Sue, I just think that many times DS doesn't see what she's doing herself. Funkyart - no need to feel uneasy - we all have perspectives and thoughts and come from varied backgrounds always giving a different viewpoint. I guess I am just of the being that we do what needs to be done, don't look back and take it day by day. Once we set a realistic goal ther is no quiting - we try every way possible to finish the task at hand. We try to raise our children that way. Ever since I was in the Marine Corps I always told myself "Only God can can stop the end of the day from coming" and it always made me feel that no matter how hard a task was that eventually I would see the other side - that a task could not go on forever, I just had to be strong. Nobody or nothing humanly possible could stop me.

This reminds me of Accelerated Reading and sending kids to the AR store for earning points in reading. In my opinion, this awful program has single handedly caused more kids to dislike reading than just about any other factor at our school. Is rewarding a child for good grades similar to rewarding a child for reading? I don't know. Red lover, I'm laughing because Accelerated Reader was a big fat pain in the neck here at our house. Both my kids and I love to read. Accelerated Reader and another program the school had where kids kept track of the pages they read were nothing but a drag most of the time. For us it was like telling people they could eat all the ice cream they want, but they have to count the number of bites and be tested about the flavor. The teachers told me Accelerated Reader helped some of the kids, although clearly not mine. The program was just an inconvenience to my kids, though; if it dinged my kids' desire to read, they had plenty of reading love to spare. I think paying for reading and paying for grades are essentially the same thing. And I say if paying for reading helps some kids, and if their parents and teachers think that's a useful tool and want to use it, then go for it. I didn't pay my kids for reading because they read without it. Instead, I had to look at motivation to get them to occasionally put down a book and interact with the rest of the world. I think parents have to take a look at what motivates their kid and what works for their family and make the decision they feel is best. This post was edited by daisyinga on Wed, Nov 20, 13 at 12:49

Normally, finedreams, I would agree with your reasoning, on a more 'generic' situation, but having only the two threads that have been presented, there is no reason to believe the sd is out on her own. Gentleman has stated that sd does not really 'live there', she's in school all week and on weekends is home long enough to make trouble and the remainer of it stays with relatives. Does not 'live' there, just hangs there passing in and out. Obviously the girl has places to stay. young adult at 19 who thinks it's okay to toss and destroy sf's belongings, call the cops on sf because she herself loses her things in her own mess and wants her sf arrested--unitl, giggle giggle, she finds the item under her bed-causes constant fights, and is totally disrespectful in her sf's home,is not a poor little miss me that I'd feel I had to tolerate. This is the sf's home, he brought the wife and stepdaughter into it and he's made it clear to wife, the adult girl either behaves or out she goes. The mother and stepdaughter has know it was coming to this. And yes, I have a 22 year old still at home. He has a choice. He can act like part of the family, be respectful to the others living in the home and our property, or he can rent his own apartment. He works fulltime and has since his jr year in HS, he bought his own car, pays own insurance for health (since 19) and his own car insurance ect.He also pays a small rent. The first time he pitched his father's belonging around the house, his father would be handing him the apartment listings from the paper. I have had adult children, a daughter-in-law also, on and off over the years for various reasons, never, ever, was such behavior allowed in my home. If poster would have stated the girl was to be out on the street/homeless blah blah, I might feel differently. But how far does a parent/step continue to enable adult children to destroy homelife before seeking solutions?