I'm having a hard time finding the Christmas spirit. My kids are making me do holiday things that if it weren't for them, I don't think I would do. I miss my dad so much. And I'm so worried about Mom. She is having a hard time right now. I wish I could do more for her but I can't. She is so lost without him.

We took Aaron's wife and went to design his monument. That was a good thing to do but heart-breaking as well. I went to buy a few Christmas presents and it is very hard. I am moving in slow motion and walking is like walking through deep water. My heart remains at peace with Aaron being in heaven and at the same time it cries out with the loss. I went to buy an angel figure like one we got at the services for Aaron. I knew his wife liked it so I got her one for Christmas. The lady at that store told me her son had died 11 years ago and I burst into tears and said mine just died. She had taken the figure to the funeral home. We talked for a while sharing our grief.
Carol

Carol, the best thing you can do now is to talk to other mothers who have lost a child. God must have sent you to this place for you to get to talk to this lady. Your grief is so very fresh right now. I admire your ability to go out and Christmas shop this soon after Aaron left. God must be giving you strength to carry on now, and will continue to do so.
My thoughts and prayers remain with you.
Lu

Lu, thanks for checking on everyone. I said a special prayer in church on Sunday for all the people grieving in this forum that they may find comfort and peace and that God will help them with their heavy hearts.

I find myself preoccupied during the holidays with thoughts of my parents. I need to take a trip to the cemetary and have a talk with mom and dad.

deb

I also wanted to mention that I talked to my sis, Terri today via email. Friday will 3 years since her daughter, my niece died. She is feeling depressed and dreading that day to come. I encouraged her to get back to this forum. I think she may find herself avoiding being confronted with what is approaching this week. My heart aches for her.

deb

Lu, I am going out because I think I might become depressed if I stay home too long. These are not exactly shopping excursions! I sure couldn't do that. I think of Aaron all the time.
Carol

All my life my sisters and I and our families got together with our mother for Christmas Eve. However, with our mother gone, we will not be getting together this year. It just feels like Christmas is missing.

Remember that song "We Need a Little Christmas?"
These lines are what I feel like:

For I've grown a little leaner
Grown a little colder
Grown a little sadder
Grown a little older
And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder
I need a little Christmas now.

Silverdove, those are great lines. Thanks...I'll be singing that all day!

I some words I cut out of the newspaper last year. This is a line from the book "The Bridge of San Luis Rey:"

"There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."

Lu, thanks for the check-in.

Silverdove, I was humming that song in the store this evening..."carols on the spinet."

I'm doing okay. Busy with my new job and new routines. Crying a little more, maybe, but I've been feeling Jill's presence especially strongly the past couple of weeks. Dreamed about her more than once. It's a good feeling overall.

This will be the fourth year I haven't decorated for Christmas. I went out and bought electric candles for the windows, but when the time came I just didn't feel like doing it. But I think next year is a possibility. Most of the downstairs will be finished (remodeling, painting, new furniture), and it would be nice to have the kids here for Christmas again. Maybe I'll take advantage of post-holiday sales to buy an artificial tree for next year. I know I'm not going to have the motivation (or energy) to bring home a real one.

Susan

Today is my Dad's birthday. He would have been 75 years old. His accident was on Christmas Day, and he spent 2 years in hospitals and incapacitated before dying on New Year's Eve. It's never easy, but knowing he and Mother are together helps a little. It was awfully hard worrying about him being alone and missing her. They were one of those couples that you couldn't imagine being apart. I know I'm going to have trouble getting into the Christmas spirit, but will muddle through somehow. After my brother died, Daddy was always planning trips around significant days to keep Mother busy. We are sort of trying to do the same thing - going on vacation next week. By the time we get back and get ready for Christmas, it will have come and gone. But no matter where we are or how busy, our hearts always know what day it is.

I haven't been in the Christmas spirit at all. It's getting harder the closer it gets to Christmas. I don't know how I'm going to handle it without Bryce. I miss him so bad. Everyone has been so supportive though. I don't know what I'd do without my family.

Brycesmommy.....I was glad to see a post from you. I don't think you've posted in a while, and I was wondering how things are going for you. Take care.

Susan