helping partner cope with loss

rach572

My partner of 3 years has recently lost both his mother and grandmother within the space of a week and naturally is really struggling to deal with everything that is going on around him. He is the type of person that finds it difficult to talk about how he is feeling and tends to push people away when he feels overwhelmed which is exactly what he is doing at the moment, pushing me away and hardly talking. I understand that everybody grieves in different ways and that this is his way of grieving but it breaks my heart in two to see him like this and to not be able to do anything about it. I know that all I can do at the moment is be there for him and offer him all my love and support and comfort him and I know that he will talk when he is ready. IâÂÂm just finding it really difficult, nobody likes seeing someone they love in pain. Some advice from people who have been in the same situation or have ever helped their partner deal with the loss of a loved one would be much appreciated.

Thanks

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Ninapearl

my partner and i had not been together long when he lost two nephews at very young ages (19 & 20) several months apart. i can remember him going through all of the stages of grief and being a very private person, he pulled away from me a little. i just let him have his space but made sure he knew i would be right by his side and willing to listen if/when he felt like talking. he never really did, it just took a lot of time before he could come to some sort of acceptance. i can remember many nights following these deaths when we simply sat quietly on the couch with the t.v. on, not really watching anything, just holding hands. i think touch is very important...lots of hugs and lots of hand holding if your partner is so inclined. you are really doing exactly what you need to be doing until such time as your partner feels like talking. just don't feel "left out" or ignored if it doesn't happen, it doesn't mean you aren't appreciated!

speaking from the other side of the coin, i lost my husband 3 years ago after a long battle with cancer. i pulled away from the people who tried to help me grieve. truly, no one could possibly say anything that would help me come to terms with my loss. my grief was crushing, at times it still is. i have talked to gary's family members occasionally and we have traded "gary stories" and that has helped but if your partner is anything like me (very much a loner), the best thing you can do is what you are doing right now.

i'm sorry for this loss and for your partner's grief. i hope things will get better. just know it takes a lot of time and patience on your part. :)

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