I listened to a Terry Gross interview with Joan Rivers, and besides being married twice, she lived with a man named Orin for 9 years. She said "The loss is horrific and when I go upstairs at night - this sounds so stupid. I always turn to my living room and I say, goodnight Orin. He was the man I lived with for nine years. Goodnight, Orin. Goodnight, Edgar. Goodnight, Uncle Tommy, who was my best friend." Here is a link that might be useful: Joan Rivers interview

Yes, I have read "A Year by the Sea" and loved it. I have all Joan's books but haven't read the last one yet. I haven't been to one of her weekend retreats but I have seen her in person. I subscribed to her email and they sent me an invitation to see her speak locally (a couple of years ago). I found her to be geniune, honest and really a nice person. I want to spead a "season" in the Cape alone sometime. I'm not sure if I could do a year, but my dream is to rent a cottage for a season after I retire. I have a list of places and the Cape on right up there toward the top! Susan

froniga, I loved the whole idea of The Patchwork Planet, I thought it would be a cool business to be involved with. There are even times, as an aging adult, who is still pretty hardy and intact, to have someone like that to call! To know, when something is getting harder at this point in my life, that there would be somebody to call when it gets even harder in a few more years. Our neighbor called Sunday, needing help to open a jar of mayonnaise...and other days when she can't reach to open her garage door (no, she doesn't have an automatic garage opener.)

I read this book last month for a book group (hee, great for the holidays....:) Some mixed emotions about it. I agree that she does a very good job of showing how grief works, how her mind and body reacts to it, and how she starts on the very long road to 'the new normal' as a friend calls it. But some things bothered me. I have not read another book by her, but I understand that she is very intellectual and exact. Even tho I was aware of this, I was rather surprised at the cold writing. She seemed removed, distant. Not that she wasn't experiencing emotion, but that it didn't come through on the page, at least not for me. I also wondered about her relationship with John - they obviously were intertwined both personally, professionally and socially, in a way that many couples are not. Yet they could not talk about death, even tho she knew he was ill. He apparently tried to bring it up, and she couldn't. How would it have been different for her if she did? Probably not, but its sad that she had difficulty with the idea. I also wondered what her relationship with her daughter in such a interdependent relationship. She obviously loved her - but something was missing. >She mentions that when she was young, grieving was an open and accepted part of life...and people were very supportive. Today, people expect the bereaved to get over it, and do their grieving in private, and with support groups. Really? I didn't notice that, I may have to give it a reread. I see its just the opposite. In my parents day you did not ever ever talk about death, dying, mourning, even with your own family. Now - people are much more likely to express their emotions (granted, I've had a few deaths of family and friends in the last few years and I am just basing my obserations on what I saw through that process) I do find it interesting that people will talk about sex willingly whereas death is something else entirely, tho its more open than in the past. The 'off limits' part I find interesting. She has written about a most private year for public perusal. I don't really think there is much 'off limits' at this point. I did find it interesting in my book group, how uncomfortable everyone got if someone criticized the book or her (not in a mean way at all, just bringing up a critique). Obviously some folks felt strongly that there should be no negative discussion. It is interesting to here her interview. Terry Gross, who I normally don't like, interviewed her on NPRs Fresh Aire program last month. Very good interview, and you can listen to it on their website. Finally - I want to ask something but I don't want to make a spoiler. Does this forum accept HTML codes? Can I do a 'white' post?