Cindy, I made a list of criteria that was important to me when I started looking for assisted living. Everything from staff quality and ratios to the little details, like does the apartment have it's own controls for heat/AC (Mom likes her living space at 85 degrees + all year round!) I visited six places, by appointment, was able to cross 3 off the list on the first visit. It is so important to get the preliminary groundwork done when you are NOT in crisis mode. For us, a smaller community works well (42units)where she is well know by all staff. No where is perfect,but I am still happy with the choice I made, since I could no longer offer her the kind of care she required 24/7.

Hi fraternal member of the zoo, I'm sure that you'll be able to arrange an alternative, or successor, or "fall-back" Power of Attorney, and it'll be necessary to have each of the various alternatives (who gets incapacitated, dies, etc. first) provided for ... though with your Mom being deeply into Alzheimers, there's no way that she can be POA for Dad. You need both the financial situation, and the medical issues dealt with. I like the idea of having all/most of you have a meeting with lawyer and Dad. In fact, if Dad's lawyer isn't pretty well aware of the various ramifications at the moment, it might be a good idea for some of you to meet with him/her prior to your and her/his meeting with Dad, to get him/her up to speed. I wouldn't be at all surprised if he'll likely be able to convince your Dad of some stuff that you can't/haven't been able to, up till now. A while ago one of the posters around here, in the finance forum, told of talking till she was blue in the face with her husband about some financial situations that she, who is fairly literate financially, thought that they should do, to be met with world-class foot-dragging. When the financial planner, that they've been with for years and respect deeply, suggested pretty well the same thing(s), he agreed to pretty well everything like a little lamb. Well, not exactly that docile, I guess ... but sort of close. Whether her grinding had worn him down somewhat and the meeting with the planner pretty well was the tipping point, or whether he'd have gone along meekly if he hadn't heard such proposals earlier, I can't say, of course. But quite a few of us will go along with something proposed by a professional, when we wouldn't hear of it from someone else ... even a spouse (especially a spouse, perhaps?). I rather like the idea of them going into a facility in the place where two of the siblings live, if they can be together, would welcome/accept that idea and you feel that the siblings are willing and able to provide a great deal of the care that he needs (and will need increasingly, no doubt). And would actually come through, if that arrangement were to be set up. Has your Dad enjoyed a substantial amount of direct interaction with the folks who were his buddies through the years of his life, especially in recent years? Would he be able to phone them were he to move to the other city? Would he find that satisfactory? That seems to be about all that I have to suggest, at the moment. Good wishes to you all as you go about making the necessary decisions and putting them into effect. I send some good thoughts and hopes to you, with a prayer that you all may choose well and all be pleased with those choices after a period has elapsed. ole joyful

I have a house with an odd shaped living room. It’s fairly open concept, and leads directly into the kitchen as well as the dining room and foyer. I am getting new furniture and would love suggestions on what pieces to get, as well as where to put them! Our TV is currently mounted above the fireplace mantel. I’m not a huge fan of entirely matching furniture sets or Loveseats. The more cozy and conversational the better- but traffic flow is obviously critical! I’m considering 2 couches, or 2 couches the chair and a half, or all/some with 2 velvet accent chairs. I’ve included pics of the room from different angles, the grey couch/furniture I’m looking at, and a quick sketch floor plan! Thanks to anyone who has advice.

This is a crude drawing but goes with what I described below. Floating furniture and making two seating areas will eliminate the waiting room feeling. You'll need more pieces. Here yellow is seating and blue is casegoods (more or less) plus lamps, plants. "X" is just not in that location. Added TV to the big wall end of the space. The description starts at the top of this illustration and works through to the bottom of it. Hope it is helpful and you have some budget for added items. Angle your two chairs flanking the console. Hang art 5" above the console and keep it within 75% of the console's width. Add 1-2 lamps to the console. Then turn the loveseat to face the console and two chairs. Put the coffee table with that group (12-18" from all the seats) and you have one sitting area Push the larger sofa up behind the loveseat to face the big empty wall at the other end. Back to the console side of this, fill in the area where the big sofa overlaps the smaller one with a pair of plants that do well in low light like ferns or palms in nice baskets for some texture. Buy two more matched small coffee tables, a backless sofa, and another pair of swivel chairs. Float the backless sofa with the two small coffee tables either side of it. Add the swivel chairs on the side of this group nearest the large wall. The two small coffee tables serve all 5 seats so allow 12-18" between each seat and the tables. Buy a credenza and TV for the big wall. Flank it with two large scale floor lamps. Hang a gallery wall opposite the window. Here is a backless sofa. The two smaller coffee tables would be on either side of it, all three between the larger sofa and two new swivel chairs.