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Not wanting it to be over

16 years ago

Does anybody else have a hard time with not wanting all the "things to do" surrounding the death of their loved one to end? Today is 11 weeks that my mom passed (I hate typing that!!!) and I just finished up the thank you cards, her car is now in my name and I two services for her, one in the state we're from and one in the state we recently moved to and they're both over. All the details and things to do are coming to an end and I'm having a hard time with it. It's like the longer I do these things, the more I feel like I'm still doing something for her, taking care of her in a way, know what I mean?

Joanne

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Comments (4)

hamc36
16 years ago
JoAnne
I know exactly what you mean. It was sad to sell my brother's house. I enjoyed driving out there (8 hours) and living in his space, sleeping in his bed, and touching his things. He had investments, and I met with people at the bank and the investment firm. They would all look rather surprised when I said my brother died (I was 37) and then they'd do a double take when they saw how much he had saved during his short life. It would give me another chance to talk about him. It's been 16 months, and I have more tax paperwork to do. I guess I'm procrastinating. I'm not sure if its laziness or that I don't want it to be over. I guess we just hang on to whatever little bit we can.

Heather
alisande
16 years ago
Yes, absolutely. Both you and Heather expressed it well.
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gneegirl
16 years ago
In my case I was very glad all of that part was over. There was always so much confusion then - my daughter was gone, yet I was always having something to do as though she was still here. Many people that I know go back to work just to get away. That's not always the best idea because you are really just running away from it, and at a time when you just aren't ready to handle the emotions. I did go back to work but I was working in a very casual environment, with much of it being outside. I don't know what I would have done if I was behind a desk though. What I did notice though was that as time passed, and "things" were less and less on my mind, I began to feel guilty because the intense sense of loss was going away. I kept trying to reach back to grab that pain again. It was as though not feeling as much pain, meant that I wasn't missing her as much. I now know that it was a part of the natural grieving process - 2 years they say, to get back to "normal". What you are going through is normal, natural, expected and OK. As time goes on, the other natural emotions associated with healthy grieving will come to play. You will eventually look back at "today" as something that you had to go through, and did. But you will have so much more time and emotional space for the wonderful memories. Peace be with you, for sure...

gng
sylviatexas1
16 years ago
I've felt that way before, reluctant to finish things up.

Maybe it's because, once the 'projects' are finished, the loved one is in the past.

Maybe we mourn the loss of our present to the past as well as mourning the loss of the person we cared about.

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