Hi, I'm waying in from the deep south. All my life my parents who were both over 35 yrs older than me. (I have 2 brothers and a sister, older than me). Told us all that we didn't ask to be born and didn't owe them a thing. Right.... My Mom's heart has acted up since I was 10. But basically she was healthy up to her 64th birthday. A total of 14 heart attacks of varing levels have occured since. I was single during about 5 of the years after her first attack. I took off a whole year to care for her after the first so she wouldn't be put in a nursing home. I love my Mom dearly. I am 49 this year. Married my late husband(not my first marraige) when I was 36. 1 year after we married he had 3 strokes and 2 heart attacks, the same year both my parents had open heart surgery. Guess who was elected to care for all three at once? I love them but do feel that my siblings should have helped me out some. My sister; also a housewife said she couldn't help. and the 1 time she did come to help...LOL. while I was filling the RX's; my sister went and bought Mom some church's fried chicken. Where was her mind? I walked in just in time to snatch the chicken box out of her hands. She and her family used the weekend to visit their friends instead of visiting with Mom. After Mom's next attack, when she called, Dad said that if she was going to come and help with Mom she was very welcome. But if it was going to be a repeat of before. 1 hour of Mom visit, and 3 days of them going friend visiting and tourist stuff; no thanks. My oldest brother who is retired, replied that he and dad didn't get along. My other brother didn't relate to the family for the last 25 years of his life. Long story short. I spent 7 yrs being caretaker to my husband until his death in 2007, during which; In 2007 both mom and dad's health went to pot(open heart); COPD,diabetis, asteoarthritis, numbness in limbs.. Dad got a blockage in his intestines, supposedly a 2 day hospital stay. Instead it resulted in a 10day stay that ended in his death. so two of them are now dead. And Mom requires someone with her round the clock, as now her nerves are shot and she shakes and cries alot on top of all her other health troubles. I have no family that will help. Her friends are her age and above; my husband is dead. And we're living on $1000.00 a month. I have a government phone that she calls me on if I'm gone very long; she checks that I haven't had a wreck or some other calamity. I love her, I loved my Husband and Dad. But never thought I'd be widowed and total caregiver starting at 46.

I have to agree - helping others should not come at such a cost to you and your well-being. For your own sanity, literally, you should talk to a therapist yourself who can explain what is going on, it is some sort of codependency thing when your dad defends your mother's reprehensible behaviour etc. Clearly something needs to be done, but you need to look after yourself. There is nothing wrong with approaching their doctor and discussing the situation with them, it happens all the time. I would say it's clear that your dad isn't coping and has some mental issues himself. My mum is herself very self-centred and somewhat verbally abusive of my dad, it took me a long time to see him through my own eyes and not hers, and work out he's a pretty cool guy. It was a shock to me to realise my first wife was very much like my mother, and my role very much like my dad's, although I didn't resign myself quite like he did, and eventually got out. I had to ask him one day why he put up with it, and he sheepishly replied since he'd put up with it for so long he couldn't do anything now. I know this sounds callous, but I sort of hope she'll pass first and he'll remain reasonably healthy so he can enjoy some of his time a little more, and maybe come and visit with us (overseas) a bit, she's been too unwell to travel for some time. I hope you can find the strength to do what needs to be done and distance yourself a little, if that's what it takes. Make sure your kids understand all this, again, talking to a therapist would help.

Drop those bags at the front door lock it and then race to the john??? I've worn a pad (stayfree anykind except the little flimsy ones) for years. I also pin the front end to the panty so they don't drop out on to the floor somewhere. Just making sure I change them a lot and keep doggie doodoo bags to put them in in the bathroom trash. I like to shoot a spray of some kind of fem deo spray around the panty area too. (for my own peace of mind) I'm also trying not to drink a lot at night say from 8pm on no sodas teas etc. I use Biotene for dry mouth so sometimes just a drop or two of that will moisten my mouth. As long as you can go undected it's ok out in public. I think men have the same problem but don't talk about it/. I want to mention that if you get any little sores on your bum/ cheeks/ rear= end because of whatever - a good product to have on hand is "no sting spray on bandage". a few rub-ons of it makes a protective coating and they will heal faster saddle sores. . . .

It was on the Wednesday before New Year that the car had a really hard time starting ... then was noisy, indicating that more work was needed on the exhaust ... and it was missing, only a few of the cylinders operating, so it was somewhat weaker, and I didn't try to drive in fifth gear on Wednesday, as I visited the garage, who said that they were not too busy and to bring it in tomorrow. I visited son and we had some discussion about getting his car going and my possibly borrowing it for a few days. It was overnight going to Thursday that the catheter blocked, and in the early hours of the morning I wondered whether I could get through emerg and get to the garage about opening time ... but it turned out that some complicating factors meant that I didn't get going till time to go directly to the garage. Then I took a cab to emerg, and after the new catheter was installed I walked back to the garage ... and they told me that the car couldn't be used - they didn't want me to even drive it home. The car did me a favour, as I was about 55-45 about replacing, or fixing, it - and it made the decision for me. I stayed with son till Sunday, walked a few blocks to downtown and caught a bus that dropped me right in front of the church, ten minutes before church time. One of the generous parishioners drove me home. I spent a quiet New Year's eve, contemplating the year ahead, along with my future. It was a few degrees above zero F. through most of the week with snow on several days, and a fairly heavy wind through most days of the week. The neighbour has a small building with a boiler near his house that sends hot water in to heat the house, and the smoke from that fairly high stack has been sent flying over the field at a fairly stiff pace ... which discouraged me from showing my nose outdoors, let alone hitch-hilking. As cars drive through patches of snow on the road and a dusting of snow flies up - the wind sends it scooting into the nearby field at speed (not quite a fast as the car). My landlord's son lives in the near edge of the city, his truck was parked near the shop on Wednesday, and he agreed to drive me to the city when he went home that afternoon and I was all packed and ready to go at five ... but he didn't show. I'd visited my neighbour to call my son (as my phone isn't working) to tell him of my expected trip to the city, but the next morning it was pretty windy and cold and I didn't walk the third of a mile or so to warn him that the plan had fallen through: old guys aren't supposed to leave people who care about them hanging like that, you know. During that week of enforced isolation, with little of consequence to do, I did quite a lot of checking to find my credit card ... without success. I'm to take oranges and bananas regularly related to one of my medicines, was out of bananas for much of the week and was running really low on orange juice and milk. On this week Tuesday I was to have a blood test for my urologist, the weather was mild(er!), with no snow forecast and little wind, so I decided to head for town. Left home just after 2, walked a half mile to a rather busier corner, was soon picked up and the family was going right near where I was to have the blood test and I needed to get some money from the bank to pay the body shop for opening the hood of son's van. Took a bus to near son's place and we got his van mobile this (Wednesday) afternoon. Let me assure you, in no uncertain terms, that I was over the moon to have our own wheels under me as I drove the six blocks from the body shop to son's place. I'm to take son and friend shopping in the morning, to go to the Old Farts' coffee and conversation, after two missed weeks ... ... and the next item on the agenda is to look for serviceable (rather ole) wheels for ole joyful! Wish me luck. ole joyful