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featherbelle_gw

I honestly don't know what to do...

featherbelle
13 years ago

Hi. My name is Heather. My father-in-law passed away suddenly of a heart attack in December. I have been trying to help my husband, but I am not sure if anything has worked or is working. I have never had to support anyone through grief before so I am mostly clueless. I have lost a good friend many years ago...and technically I lost my father in 2001 but I did not have a clue about that. My parents split up when I was six and I lost all contact with my father at that time. A couple of years ago I started some genealogical research into my family to try and locate him...and it is through that information that I discovered he'd died in 2001. So I have never even really grieved my own father; having never really known him how can I grieve him? So in a way I am doubly clueless.

There are times when he acts like a real jerk towards me...and it's JUST me...not our two older kids, not his mother...JUST ME. Can I help it that I have never really gone through this in any way shape or form before and have no clue what may or may not upset or bother him on a given day? Nor can I help it if I am 35 + weeks pregnant and need his help doing simple things that are quite beyond me at this point, given the size of my belly and some health issues I have had.

I do not expect him to quit grieving just because life still goes on. I do not expect him to "get over it"; I know that a person will never truly "get over" the loss of a loved one, that the pain only lessens with time.

The only thing I do expect, for lack of a better word, is if he is down, to tell me first thing, so I don't set him off accidentally. He says he doesn't want to fight about stuff, well neither do I, but having never gone through this before, how am I supposed to know what will or won't piss him off? I'm not a mind reader, but sometimes I feel as though he expects me to be. I feel like he expects me to know what will trigger him into a bout of depression or anger, and I don't have any idea...and he still gets mad at me for something I don't know.

I am sure there is more I could say...but I don't know what or how to say at this point. Ask questions if you want...I do better with questions usually.

Thanks.

Heather

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