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Donnakt - How are you doing?

21 years ago

Hi Donnakt,

Just thinking of you and wondering how things are going for you. I hope each day has gotten better for you.

Take care and let me know how you are doing...

Mel03

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Comments (4)

donnakt_gw
21 years ago
Hi, I think I am a real wimp at this being alone..I am exsisting, because I have too. My son and family were here for the weekend..I didn't know how hard it would be when they left and I am sitting here alone again.

Tell me how are you getting along..I need to know how you get up each day and go on with your life.

Hugs,
Donna
Ina Plassa_travis
21 years ago
well- it's our life(s) and part of it's a sacred duty to the memories- there are days where the only thing that gets me up is the knowledge that if I don't, there will be one less person in the world who remembers my father fondly.

some days, it takes the knowledge that people need me- the sweet little Scotsman who pumps my gas would miss me, and so on...

but I only need to resort to such lame pep talks on the lowest of days...fact is that I was alone enough of my life to have already learned how and why my own life is worth living in the absence of any other reason.

it's not the getting up that bugs me, though- it's the descent into evening, when the day's activities are wound down, and there's no poppa to pester me about when he's going to get morning glories that actually flower (on a 2 acre property, there's about a square yard that gets full sun)

but I look on the tears as one of the ways I honour him- he was also an emotional mush just like me, the ONLY father I know who wept so openly and honestly at things.

my mother and I are the only ones to mourn- the cousins are too close to their own deaths, my brother is too busy gloating...and the rest, well, they have distractions aplenty.

so I must survive, musn't I? for his sake?
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For Donnakt
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donna, I'll add a note here too. So sorry to learn of your loss. No matter what preparations we make, it seems we are never ready to lose our loved ones. I hope that all is going well for you. I agree with IM. I have worked in these fields for years and there are some very helpful groups out there. You can usually find out about them through your hospital pastoral dept. ivamae, "But the bottom line is that, life does go on and we have to pull ourselves up and do whatever it takes to make the best of the situation." This is true, but I have found through others that there is no way to hurry the grieving process. It will take it's own time, in fact, I don't think that the grieving ever completely ends. But you are right that life does go on and you can give yourself permission to begin to enjoy it. It in no way diminishes the love or reflects the amount of love for the lost one. It simply begins to let you love yourself again - enough to do some enjoyable things with others and by yourself. I wish you well too, in the ability to pull yourself up, as you say, and have some fun and get on with life. Well, well, well, that is my fav. cousing's name, so I like you already. Funny how names influence us, isn't it? Blessings to both of you, jan
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mel03
Original Author
21 years ago
Donnakt....
You are not a wimp at being alone. It takes time to make that big adjustment. I went to my last "Good Grief" session a little over a week ago. That was hard...I felt that was a "lifeline"..somewhere to let my grief out without being judged. The sessions helped me a lot...it was good to hear other people experiencing the same symptoms, feelings, etc that I am. Some days I feel almost "normal" and then others, like day, I'm weepy. It was just a year ago that my husband was diagnosed with cancer so I think that has triggered this sadness. I know it will pass with time but it is very difficult. One individual in the sessions was so strong...never seem to cry or express loneliness until the last session, then she lost it. She let all her fears and loneliness out. She felt she had to be strong around everyone but as the coordinator told..."That grief has to come out, let it!"
As to how I get up each day, I just do it. I have pets to feed, plants to water, mundane little things that give me a purpose. I know my husband is looking over me...and that gives me a feeling of peace. He was a good-hearted man and I know in my heart he is there for me. His sense of humor got us through some difficult days and I try to remember that and find something to make me smile, laugh, everyday..even if it's a comic strip in the paper.
The hardest thing for me is finding a "repairman" to do all the repairs around the house that hubby used to do. Sometimes it's overwhelming but life goes on..one step at a time. Remember life is like the weather..you have sunny days and there are stormy days.
Take care and may you find comfort in knowing others care and are concerned about you.
Do you mind if I e-mail you directly instead of posting here?

Mel03
donnakt_gw
21 years ago
I don't mind if you e-mail me..

Hugs,
DonnaKT

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