2 Years This Saturday

19 years ago

I can't believe it'll be 2 years this Saturday, May 12th, since my mother passed away. It still seems so unreal to me. Some days I almost expect a phone call from her and then suddenly I'll remember that there will be no more phone calls. No more laughing till our sides hurt. No more of our wonderful conversations. No more shopping and lunch dates. No more anything. It crushes me. I still wish I could rewind 2 years and take back the fact that we weren't speaking when she died. I've somewhat come to terms with that and I know know she knew I loved her and that she loved me dearly as well but oh how I wish I could have told her that before she passed. I hope someday to meet her again and be able to tell her just that. Until then, I will continue to whisper that everynight before I close my eyes, like I've done religiously for the last two years, in hopes that somehow, wherever she may be, she hears me.

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Comments (6)

susanjf_gw
19 years ago
jen..don't beat yourself up... 2 years is a long time...you're not alone with a mom that was better on the phone than close up and personal...and yes, i'm sure she knew in her heart of hearts your true feelings...mine did.

instead of grieving, start celebrating those conversations, childhood memories...it's just as easy...
jenniferw
Original Author
19 years ago
Thanks Susan!

Actually my mom was wonderful both on the phone AND in person. She was my best friend. We used to LAUGH together so much. We had a great relationship. Unfortunately we had a falling out about 2 years before her death and I, being the stubborn person that I am, refused to reconcile with her at that point. Then she died. So it's painful for me that I never got to say I'm sorry and tell her how much I missed her and loved her all along. I DO celebrate her life all the time but I also grieve for the mother I lost. It's especially hard for me now being that it's the second anniversary of ther death on Sat. As much as I wish I could ignore it and be happy that day I KNOW it's not going to be that easy.
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sudiepav
19 years ago
Jennifer, I had a falling out with my son about a year and a half before he died. Fortunately, we had made some inroads at repairing our relationship before he died. I do so wish I had those days back when we were unhappy with each other. Please know, that as a mother, I never once stopped loving him, and I know he loved me too. Your mother loved you, no matter what. Mothers love unconditionally. I don't always LIKE what my kids do, but I love them with my whole heart. Anniversaries are so hard. My boy and my granddaughter died June 17, which is a miserable day for us. Before then, Mother's Day is tough, as I'm sure it is for you, and my darling Millie turned 6 on May 20, just 4 weeks before the accident. All those days are hard for us. But the Mother's Day hydrangea that Dave sent that last Mothers Day is getting new growth and new leaves. I still have Millie's little voice, leaving me messages on my answering machine, and I try to think about our good times together. You are in my prayers, and I will be thinking of you Saturday and Sunday.
jenniferw
Original Author
19 years ago
Thank you so much for your reply sudipav. You have no idea how much you comforted me just now. I've seen your posts on this board before and I've always been so sorry for the loss of your son and grandaughter. You and yours are in my prayers as well.
jenniferw
Original Author
19 years ago
Well, here it is...the day I dread most out of any other day in the year. By this time 2 years ago my stepfather had already discovered her lifeless body. I still hadn't gotten the call that changed my life forever though. That came around 11 a.m.

I miss her. Those three words sound so simple don't they? Why can't it BE as simple as it sounds? Just "I miss her" and get on with it. But "I miss her" has a million different openings into a million different memories and emotions.

I'm going to try and make the best of today. I'm going to plant some flowers in the garden we started for her. There's already lilac bushes that we planted a couple of weeks ago but it needs more. I just need to focus on and remember the life she lived instead of the life she lost. It's going to be hard but I'm going to give it my all. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers today.

Thanks,

~Jen

~Mary Wescott~
9/21/1947- 5/12/2005
(I miss you Mommy!)
aunty-sybil
19 years ago
Hello
I'm new to this site but couldn't help being drawn to this posting It will be 5 years I lost my mum, May 14th Her birthday was May 10th.There was still so much I had to learn from her, say to her.I just miss her so so much.
There is a place where we scatteed her and my dad's ashes together near the Brecon Beacons South Wales. I will take a trip and lay some flowers It is by a river and it is so peaceful
Thanks for listening
Karen