Forgiving

20 years ago

I've never met the elderly woman in Naples who misread a red light and took the lives of my son and granddaughter. I am so angry when I think about her. I think she is probably a very nice woman and I hope that this event has changed and haunted her life forever. I do know that her court date got her not even a slap on the wrist...thank you, Florida, for sheltering your elderly. Most days, I don't even have her on my radar, but at times, I think about what she cost us, and I honestly could strangle her with my bare hands. How do any of you get through this? I believe in God, but I'm not sure that religion is the key to this, at least for me. Have any of you found peace with the peron who caused a loved one's death. Thanks to you all for all you've done for me.

Sort by:Oldest

Comments (6)

tjmondragon
20 years ago
My husband was alone on the motorcycle, but he was with friends or so they call themselves. I have heard so many stories of what happened that night. Some people say my husband was bumped by the jeep that was also in the accident and that is what made him lose control,They say that she is telling everyone that leonard was running from the police and I know thats a lie, so for that I hope he haunts her in her sleep. Others say he was trying to pass a semi and hit the rear end of it. I know I will never find out what happened until I see him but as mean as it seems I blame his friends who were with him that night, they should have stopped him.You know the ironic thing is he just got his bike back from the shop one week before he wrecked. I even blame myself for not being here to take care of him. So I dont know if I answered your question but I will never forgive the guys he was with that night, or the girls in the jeep. I am so sorry about your son and your grandaughter and I hope the lady has nightmares everynight, they should have given her some kind of punishment. If this makes you feel any better I always say to myself leonard knows what happened and if the girls did bump him I know he will take care of them. So maybe your son will do the same.
I dont mean to sound so mean but it hurts that they are here and my husband and your son and grandaughter cant be. My husbands was drinking and may have just lost control but my heart tells me different. But your son was just enjoying a drive with his daughter im so sorry.
always tracy
socks
20 years ago
I don't have the situation you two have, but I am angry with someone who was unkind to me and my family when my mother died in '03. I don't forgive; I just ignore it. Might be a little like ignoring the 300 lb gorilla in the room, but I am aware that anger is part of grieving, and I guess I need someone to be angry with.
Related Discussions
Please forgive me..
Q
Comments (6)
i would mock you mercilessly on the drain pipe protection ... but for the fact.. that when i planted my 6 foot bare root oaks ... my drain pipes were FOUR FEET ... lol ... when i did that.. i was planning for 3 feet of snow ... PBucket is giving me a pain in the rectum... but check out the first link at the link ... ITS MINE ... with my invasive dwarf .... he's 12 now.. and definitely NOT THAT CHARMING ... the eight pic is also my pic ken Here is a link that might be useful: link
...See More
forgive me, can’t find discussion
Q
Comments (2)
Pot fillers would need to have been done at the rough plumbing stage, when the walls were open. Skip it for sure now. For stone, almost everything boils down to the steps you took 6 weeks ago when you were deciding on someone reputable to cut stone for you. The template and laying it out on the stone should have answered most of your questions. Vetting their seams, and viewing past projects should have done everything else. Verify that the stone color, edge, and sink cutout matches your paperwork before they unload it off of the trailer. For the trip inside, be sure there is a clear straight route for then through the home. If that means using a little used door to make fewer turns, get rid of the stack of books in front of it. Your GC should have already provided their own floor protection for the project already. Dropcloths will not work as they interfere with the wheels of the stone trolley. The trolley needs to roll freely. Watch, but don’t hover. Take pictures. And don’t make little screams or squeaks of apprehension or delight either. The dangerous time is when it comes off the A frame and when it goes from vertical to horizontal onto the cabinets. You don’t want to distract them. It’s a physically demanding job. It needs concentration with no distractions. There may be some slight wall damage or a minimal bit of cabinet scuffing. It is 1000 pounds of stone. That’s normal, and it’s why your GC schedules the touchups for everything after the stone install. Silicone smells. It will cure. Stones are not glass smooth. Some shed more crystals than others. That's normal. They usually cut the faucet holes on site, so get out your faucet and figure out where you want them to go, and how many holes you want drilled. Double check the overhangs are close to the same before they silicone. You’ll need a tape measure. Mostly, speak up if you have a concern. But don’t overreact. And do not sign any paperwork that says that you are 100% satisfied. If they need a signature, sign your name, and “customer reserves the right to inspect at leisure in full day’s cycle of lighting before declaring project complete,” Almost all issues can be solved. And getting anxious and emotional never solved any of them. Calm statements and photographs of the whole process is what needs to happen. It will be fine.
...See More
Springroz"s thread made me think about forgiveness
Q
Comments (36)
Amicus, I mulled over your thoughts last night and again this morning. I appreciate your input. It gives us pause for thought. Your points made me question whether in my case, I have forgiven or simply moved on. If we define forgiveness as welcoming the offender back into the fold, then no, I have not forgiven my former friend. By this definition, I have moved on. I feel good about having moved on, if this is what I have done and I now feel free of the abuse I was on the receiving end of. I have a clear conscience in that I know I did not do anything to cause it and I did do everything within my power to allow this person to recover from her actions and set about the process of repair. Ida's subsequent posts are also thought provoking and I appreciate them too. They are helping me sort out the messy parts of this topic. I am not seeing any worth to calling the number former friend emailed to me to announce that I have forgiven her as I know without any doubt, this would ignite yet another tirade from her. When someone shows you who they are, it's best to believe them. (unfortunately, I had to learn that lesson a few times with this person as pure forgiveness on my part got me nowhere other than sitting back in the abuse chair) Plus, when someone approaches their victim out of the blue, many years later, as in my situation, as if nothing catastrophic has happened and offers no apology or explanation, such as I lost my mind for a while there and I'd like a chance to made amends if you would allow it, this shows me that person is not interested in repairing damage they caused. Or, they are suffering from sociopathic tendencies. Sometimes people are not suffering a mental break -- they are simply horrible people. How are we to know for certain what we are dealing with? I am not seeing the value in announcing forgiveness to someone with this disposition regardless of how the person got to this personality type. I wish I could, but I'm not. Perhaps I am missing the point altogether. This topic IS sticky. I also feel that if I were to announce to someone unsolicited, that I forgave them for what they did to me, doesn't make me a bit pompous? If we are talking something along the lines of a convicted murderer who has expressed remorse for his/her actions, is in custody and awaiting sentencing, then, I might find it appropriate if I felt that forgiveness had reached my heart in that instance. But in situations lesser than a remorseful murderer, I'm not feeling comfortable making that announcement. Especially if that person has not asked for my forgiveness. I hope this post doesn't come across as discounting anyone's thoughts on the topic. I do appreciate the different schools of thought and I'm glad to read them.
...See More
Forgive my excitement over something so small
Q
Comments (24)
Fantastic Popmama! Before you know it you're going to have to cut it back and share some nodes with all of us! It's going to really take off now that the roots have fulfilled their purpose and filled the pot. All the growth will be on top now! Congratulations on a job well done - Now - don't look at it, don't touch it, never mention it again in conversation, don't dream of it and don't even think of it! (Those are the instructions I use for my curtisii). BTW - maybe a shot or two of fertilizer would be in order now. 1/2 to 1/4 strength until it starts to mature. I've found using Dynagro on mine, once they leaf out, seems to help a lot. Good luck my friend and all the best always....
...See More
jlj48
20 years ago
I have soooooooo much anger regarding the idiotic Dr. who "cared" for Mother before she died. The details are much too lengthy to get into here. The anger has lessened as time has gone on, but it helps to remind myself of his ignorance. I also believe that one day he will be judged by our great Lord for what he has done and not done to my mother and our whole family, so I know his day is coming. What is so frustrating for me is that when you lose someone so unfairly or seemingly unnecessarily, the person robs you of knowing if it was simply their "time" to die in the book of life, or did their life end early due to this ignorant person's negligence. That is what is so maddening for me. And you just have to figure out a way to accept it and sort it out in your mind, you have to, your loved one is gone. Life is so unfair. But that's what we have Heaven for.
jlj48
20 years ago
How could I fail to mention this? I lost my mother one year ago on March 31st. We also moved into a new home in a new city on that day. So I've been a little stressed and my sweet Mom has been on my mind.
bowdoin514
20 years ago
Hi Sudiepav,
I understand how you feel on wanting to strangle the woman who cost you the precious lives of your son & granddaughter. I feel the same on that, and wanting to have your feelings known on how she has interrupted & invaded your life. I am unsure of who to be angry with in my situation. My daughter & her boyfriend died in an auto accident last June. I wonder if his driving was at fault to begin with, but the accident reconstruction was inconclusive since the car was burned to the maximum. Then there were 2 other vehicles involved. Did the guy who hit them 1st cause them to crash into the 2nd vehicle? Did the fact that the 2nd driver was high on cocaine, cause the car to burn with Danny in it? If the 2nd car didn't hit them, could they have survived? My daughter was thrown from the car upon the 2nd vehicles' impact. I wish I had the chance to tell these people how they turned my life into a living hell. It's still early in my grieving, and often I feel there is no chance for me to forgive. Erica was my only child left. I am not an extremely religious person, have my beliefs, but how can this be in God's plans? I AM a FIRM believer that what comes around goes around, and EVERY dog gets his day. Sometimes, these are the only thoughts to get me through a day. I hope the other 2 drivers have trouble sleeping at night, knowing they "aided" in shortening 2 lives. I don't wish the loss of a child on anyone, but I hope it truly bothers them for as long as they live.
Emma in PA
sanddny
20 years ago
Hi All,
I just lost my dad las week and so that's what brings me to this neck of the woods. I was reading bowdoin514's comments and saw

"but how can this be in God's Plans?"

Well, I was not brought up with religion but I also have my beliefs. At my dad's funeral, I thought the mass was so comforting because the tone was almost as if it doesn't matter how we go, it is an honor to pass through this life and move on, and someday we too shall be so lucky. Maybe, if there is some grand scheme, the pain WE suffer is to test our faith or something like that. Anyway, just my thoughts, I'm so sorry for all of your losses.

Forgiving

Comments (6)

tjmondragon

socks

Related Discussions

jlj48

jlj48

bowdoin514

sanddny

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US