Five Years Ago Today...

21 years ago

Today...April 6th...marks five years since my sister's passing. Today also happens to be my niece's 5th birthday and my brother's 43rd birthday. It's a day of celebration and mourning. My sister died during a scheduled C-section, giving birth to a beautiful little girl five years ago today. She picked April 6th since she had the option to pick the day and because it was our brother's birthday she thought it would be a thoughtful gesture.

I feel sad today. I feel sad for my brother, too. My parents are still devastated, naturally.

It's funny...five years is a long time. However when it comes to days like this, it seems as though it was only yesterday. People think you should be "over it" by now. I've actually had people say to me, "It's just a date". But it's so much more. Even my DH doesn't quite realize the significance of the anniversary...he doesn't realize that every minute, every hour of THAT day comes back to me as I awake that morning...shower...go to work...then before you know it...it's 2:00 p.m. and that's the time I received "the call" five years ago today.

It's amazing to me how we're "expected" to behave and feel. I feel like people actually roll their eyes when I express that I'm sad because of this...as if to say, "it's been five years now...we dont' want to hear about it...it's an excuse to feel sorry for yourself". I don't know...it's probably my imagination...but I WANT the world to stop today...I WANT to be able to go home and sleep, cry...I WANT people to know I am hurting.

Thank you for listening...tomorrow (April 7th) will be a better day.

Adrienne

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Comments (5)

mel03
21 years ago
Adrienne,
I just lost my husband at the end of March. I know the date will be a time of sadness for me every year.
I lost both of my parents in the month of September...one at the beginning of the month, the other at the end of September. Even though it has been years since their deaths, I still dread it when August ends. It seems it is an automatic response...the sadness...even though I may not always be aware of the date. But then it hits me and like you, I just want to cry.... You're right too...the next day is a better day.
Do what you think is best for you...don't do what others expect you to do. Remembering our loved ones and being able to talk about them is healing.

Mel
mary_in_fla
21 years ago
Adrienne,

It's timely you should post this, because just this morning I was thinking, "Well, here comes the 'Anniversary Season' again."

I lost my mother in May ... 19 years ago.
A very close friend in July ... 13 years ago.
My father in July ... 36 years ago.

So, even though it's been so very many years, these dates still and always will mean a great deal. I think of these loved ones all day long on these anniversaries .... and while I think of the loss and all that they have missed, I always end up spending more time thinking about how blessed I am to have had them in my life at all, even if just for a little while. The days are bittersweet, but much more sweet than bitter.

Some years I mention to others what day it is for me, other years I don't. But I carry my loved ones very close to me on those days.

Best to you as you work your way through your journey.

Mary
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socks
21 years ago
The second anniversary (right word?) of my mother's passing is April 25. I feel like I have been reliving the process as many things pop into my head,the events that occurred and led to her passing. Seems like it's more the negatives than the positives. I'm not enjoying it too much. I miss her a lot and am glad I still have my sister to be my buddy, even tho she's in another state.

My heart aches for those here who have suffered even greater losses--husbands, children, siblings. You are all in my prayers.
lulie___wayne
21 years ago
Adrienne, I know exactly how you feel. My Christin left us on April 5, 7 years ago. The entire day and the day before is replayed in my mind all day long. Even thought it's been 7 years and seems like a long time to some, it just seems like yesterday for me. I guess when a person loses someone who is that significant in their lives time kind of stops for them. For a long time, I wrote 1998 on my checks. My life really did stop in a way. My life as it was stopped and was no more.... at least no more as it was.
People who think we should be "over it" by now, haven't ever lost anyone who was very close to them. You may continue to function, continue to laugh and able to have a good time, but you don't ever forget, and your life is never the same.
Lu

Here is a link that might be useful: Christin Cosby Memorial Web Site
scraphappy
21 years ago
Grief does not have a time table - the feeling of loss only softens, never disappears. My father died on Thursday, August 15, l974, my mother on August 21, l974 (yes, 6 days apart - 2 funerals in 1 week). I can remember the details of every moment in the hospital, the events of every day for weeks after. I think of them alot when that week comes. 31 years ago this summer. Not grieving, just remembering.